Human Genome Project and Mayan Calendar

Writen by Robert Baird

HUMAN GENOME PROJECT: - In 1991 Michael Coe wrote Breaking the Mayan Code in which he said knowing how this language was ‘both phonetic as well as pictographic was as important as the Human Genome Project and space colonization’. Personally I think it is very important to see the Mayans had a language understandable in many contexts across numerous tribes and people. It IS very important to our proposed Brotherhood of Man. It is not as important as either of the other major advances for the near future of mankind; space colonization will be our saving grace as remnants of humanity even if he would interpret the Mayan prophecy that calls for a new civilization in 2012 as an end to earthian humans. My personal hope is the prophecy relates to a new purpose and focus for humanity. That will require ethical approaches to the Human Genome Project. We do not need to force a small group of humans into some new species even if they think it would be best for themselves or all of us, collectively. Those who will desire the near immortality gene-therapy and the fixing of telomeres it will allow should not be allowed to become Homo Sapiens Immortalis if all people are not allowed access. How can we stop this from happening? What about cloning humans? Then there is Danny Hillis and those who would like to dump their brain into a perfected robot of sentient ability. This is not a science fiction primer but it must seem so at this juncture, or at least it would have to my father’s generation.

“The genetic instructions for making a person take up less than 21/2 centimetres of the 1.8-metre-long strand of DNA that’s stuffed inside virtually every cell in the body, according to new findings. Most of the rest of the human genome is filled with weird life-like entities that have settled in the genome like squatters, among them microscopic bits of foreign DNA {Gardner says some is Anunnaki or alien DNA, and that blank parts exist for more programming.} that live like parasites on human DNA and even smaller bits that sponge off those parasites. Although scientists have known that such critters existed in the human genome, only now have they been able to see how many there really are, how they are distributed among people’s genes, and how these complex communities evolved inside the cells of human ancestors over millions of years

‘We’ve called the human genome the book of life, but it’s really three books,’ said Francis Collins, director of the National Human Genome Research Institute in Bethesda, Md., and a chief of the human genome project. ‘It’s a history book. It’s a shop manual and a parts list. And’ it’s a textbook of medicine more profoundly detailed than ever.’…

The researchers also found that sperm carry twice as many mutations as eggs, suggesting that men are the major source of genetic errors and evolutionary innovation.

By comparing the human genome to the genome of simpler organisms like the fly and the worm, scientists are also seeing with unprecedented detail how just a handful of genetic innovations helped launch early vertebrates ahead of the biological pack hundreds of millions of years ago.

For all the evolutionary creativity that led to the human race, genome scientists said, there is shockingly little variation from person to person. Around the globe, they are all about 99.9 per cent genetically identical.” (10)

Do you think there is more we will learn about how white men came to be, or how many hominids there have been as modern as us? There appears to be a great deal of information available in our genes. Could they be a computer access code that the soul commands? I think the akashic and cosmic energy is consciously swimming around and inside all life. The NASA scientists say life is everywhere and I say love is there too. If only we allow ourselves to feel and sense its’ all encompassing warmth that permeates every void and fills every rock. The shamans made their drugs by attunement and receiving direction from the plants and rocks. Jung’s archetypes are very much connected to the genes which carry our past. Perhaps Jesus and his ‘living father within’ are closely connected to enable us through our genes. The mystics say the genes receive instruction from the soul and spirit. Our archetypes or the lattices of ‘one-dimensional harmonic force’ with all 11 M-branes in each and every atom, coordinate in our solar bodies as well as our dross physical bodies. It is ludicrous to think we know all about consciousness or the soul, and most people live in ignorance or deny its’ essence.

The trips we can take as we allow our soul to infuse our solar body and consciously travel are awesome. They are no more hallucinatory than the grimace on the face of the professor who denies these ideas. The poets and minstrels of yore were able to carry our imaginations to the nether regions as we began to dance in harmony with nature. The forces of nature have coherence and meridians or lattices and vectors that allow the functioning of all that is so magnificent. We have tried to place ourselves above nature and we will (hopefully) never achieve that all too egotistical pursuit. These forces are there to welcome us as we stand on the cliff contemplating a dive. Viktor Hugo wrote a wonderful appreciation of Shakespeare that I love to quote. He likened our observation of Shakespeare to standing on this cliff and looking out to “Glimpse the waves of the marvellous!” Each time we return to read his plays we experience greater depths and return to that cliff and take one step further down as we’re drawn closer to the all embracing reality of the waves in the cosmic ocean that awaits us in connected beauty upon the end of our journey.

Author of Diverse Druids Columnist in many Ezines

The Invention Of Land; An Eyewitness Account - Part Two of The Invention of Everything

Writen by Tom Attea

Continuing Readers: Please, page down past the brief introductory note.

New Readers: If you missed Part One, “The Invention of Sex,” you’ll find it elsewhere on this site or in the archieve of previous issues at NewsLaugh; the link is on the lower left. Here’s the brief introduction to these remarkable notes, repeated for your convenience.

An unexpected manuscript showed up in our inbox. We were immediately convinced of its authenticity and decided we had to share it with you. It was accompanied by the following note:

“Hi, there. How’s life working out? Who am I? That’s for me to know and for you to guess. Let me just say that I witnessed the invention of everything. And I kept good meeting notes.

“I wanted every planet to come with an instruction manual, but my suggestion was a nonstarter. I decided the next best thing I could do is release my notes. I hope they help clarify things for you.

“I sent them by Multi-Verse Mail to all the planets projected to have life on them that could read. As far as the earth goes, I addressed it to NewsLugh.com. I figured it would exist about the time the news would come in especially handy. Why a humor magazine? Hey, I think I’m a bit of humorist myself.

“Sorry, but I have to be a little vague about the participants in the meeting, because they’re all very high up the totem pole of the universe and like to keep out of the spotlight. But I assure you that my notes are accurate.

“I thought I’d start with the invention of sex, since that seems to be the foundation of a lot of things. This particular invention was a tough one because we weren’t sure how to make it work.

“For instance, some of the participants wanted direct physical contact. Others thought the male could mail his sperm to the female, and she could deposit it in an egg bank. “Direct contact between the two, though it seemed like a daring idea at first, won on its overall merits.

“Then the question became, should it feel good or not? I’m happy to say that feeling good won by a unanimous vote. After all, we want you to like us.

“Looking back, I think we made the right decisions, not only about sex, but about everything. And, speaking of everything, you’ll find how it was invented in my notes, too, or, at least, the highlights, like land and water, air, light, people, other animals, plants, and details like gravity and magnetism.

“I hope my doodles help you understand why things are the way they are and appreciate our handiwork. Nothing would make me happier.

“In conclusion, I just want you to know we did our best, and I sure hope you like us for what we decided.”

The Invention of Land

Now, it came time to invent land. First, we had to tackle a big question: Why should there be anything, instead of nothing? Here are my notes on the meeting:

“OK, today is the day we invent - what did we decide to call the dry stuff?”

“Land, boss.”

“Thanks.”

“May I say something?”

“Sure.”

“Before we go and invent land, let’s ask the big question. Why should there be anything, instead of nothing?”

“Why? You like nothing better? Sounds kind of empty to me.”

“Boring!”

“Well, we’re here. That’s already something.”

“True, and, as long as we are, don’t we want to do something constructive?”

“Sounds right to me.”

“OK, then, that’s it. All in favor of inventing land, raise your hands.”

Everybody raised their hands.

“Good. So let’s go on. How do we get the job done?”

“How else? The usual way. Little by little. Then, over time, we have something really big.”

“OK. So what do we call the stuff we start with?”

“How about dust?”

“Dust? You want to call the atoms and molecules I’ve been working on for over a week dust?”

“Sorry. It looks like dust.”

“That’s what you know. I put all the intelligence required in those tiny wonders for my so-called dust to combine into all kinds of higher creatures and plants.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. And don’t think it was easy.”

“How do they do that?”

“Easy. They respond to whatever kind of environment they find themselves in and get to work.”

“OK, I like that.”

“Sure, sure, but right now the dust is just sitting idly by. How do we get it going, so it can amount to something?”

“You’re right. Say, what if we pack it into a really tight ball - I mean, like, incredibly tight - and suddenly, wham-bam, it releases all the energy we squeezed it together with and it flies apart.”

“Energy? You never mentioned that before? Is it something new?”

“Oh, sorry about that. You’re right. I forgot to tell you energy is the other half of the tiny wonders I cobbled together in the lab. It makes all the itty-bitty parts do their things - swirl, attract, repel, and combine in all kinds of ways. You name it.”

“Oh. Good thing you thought to make it.”

“Thanks. Now, I don’t mind the name ‘energy.’ But can we please think up another name for ‘dust’? I can’t stand knocking my marvelously capable inventions like that anymore.”

“OK, OK, anybody got any suggestions?”

“I have it. The dust is the foundation of everything, right?”

“Right. So it really matters?”

“Un-huh.”

“Then, hey, why don’t we call it matter?”

“Matters? Matter. I like that. Neat tie-in.”

“Then it’s settled. Everything is made up of energy and matter.”

“Why don’t we say them in the order they’d logically occur: first we have matter and then we have energy?”

“I could go for that but, to tell you the truth, I made them so they’re interchangeable.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. But I’ll grant you this. They sound better if you put the ‘matter’ first, as in ‘matter and energy.’ Turn that on your tongue, and I think you’ll agree.”

“Sounds better to me. So let’s go with that. Everything in the universe we plan on building is made up of matter and energy.”

“Says who?”

“Me.”

“What about where all the stuff goes? We need a place for it.”

“When you’re right, you’re right. So we also have a place.”

“Sounds way too indefinite. How about we alter the word ‘place’ a wee bit?”

“As in?”

“Well, what if we take out the “l,” which is just standing there all by itself, bend it into an “s” shape, and put it first. Then we’d have ’space.’”

“Nice word. Sounds right.”

“I agree. So then ’space’ it is! Anything else?”

“Is the big thing we’re going to invent going to be there a while or is all this effort for next to nothing?”

“Let’s hope for a long while.”

“We have to provide for that, don’t we?”

“For what?”

“The duration.”

Good point. But ‘duration’? Do we like that?”

“Sounds kind of wimpy to me.”

“Yeah, the syllables just seem to tumble all over each other.”

“Let’s just do what we did with ‘dust’ and think up a neater name.”

“Excellent.”

“Hey, why not pick a word that goes with how big a job we have ahead of us?”

“Like what?”

“Time.”

“Has a nice ring to it.”

“Yeah. Sounds long, too. Anybody for changing the name ‘duration’ to ‘time’?”

Once again, everybody raised their hands.

“OK, so now, let’s review things. We have four things: matter and energy, space and time. Are we all right on that?”

“What do you think? You did the grunt work on most most of the stuff.”

“I think it will do for now. I mean, we’d be getting ahead of ourselves, but the guys down in the lab are working on the ways these things interact.”

“Interact? Oh, yeah, I can see that. Can you be a little more specific?”

“No problem. We’re toying with concepts like motion, gravity, magnetism.”

“Sounds fascinating. But let’s stay with the topic at hand.”

“You’re right, boss. Land is tough enough to invent.”

“OK, now, we’ve got all this matter. We pack it into a tight ball. When it’s packed tight enough, the pressure releases and sends the matter flying every which way. How’s that?”

“So far, so good. We should have a name for such a big event. Any ideas?”

“First, let me ask, should it have a sound effect?”

“Why?”

“What, a big thing like that should happen and there’s no sound?”

“You’re right. Even when we play pool and one little ball bangs off another one, there’s a smack. A sound effect is only fitting.”

“Who’s going to be there to hear it?”

“Always metaphysical. Can we just stay with the practical stuff for now?”

“Sure. Just thought I’d bring it up.”

“Anybody got a name suggestion?”

“Well, since the whole thing is so sudden it could all kind of go bang.”

“Sounds reasonable. So we call it a ‘bang.’”

“You mean, ‘The Bang.’”

“Right.”

“That’s it? Something this big?”

“OK, OK, how about ‘The Big Bang’?”

“Very workable. But I don’t know if it captures the romance of it all.”

“Only a scientist could think of such a clunky name for such a grand event.”

“You’re the literary person. Give us a little help here.”

“Sure, sure. Well, it’s really kind of like a birth, right?”

“Yeah. A birth. Go on.”

“So that’s what we call it. ‘The Birth.’”

“Much better than ‘The Bang’ if you ask me. But can’t we give it some appropriate magnitude, like the way we put ‘big’ into ‘The Bang’?”

“How about this? We call it ‘The Birth of the Universe.’”

“Wow, that knocks me out.”

“OK, it’s settled. ‘The Birth of the Universe’ it is. I’m making an executive decision on that. Now, here we have this matter, flying out in all directions. What happens next?”

“What else has to happen?”

“Are we going to invent creatures or aren’t we?”

“Yes, we agreed on that.”

“So where are they supposed to walk. On the dust?”

“You’ve got a point there.”

“Don’t tell me.”

“What?”

“No sooner do we send the dust flying - sorry, I mean the matter - than we have to get it to come back together again.”

“No, no, we’re past just a redo. We need to work it out so that now the matter agglomerates in a whole lot of disparate places.”

“Aggloma - what?”

” - erates, as in clumps up.”

“Oh, fancy word for the same thing if you ask me. But go ahead.”

“OK, so it agglomerates into really big things that creatures can actually walk on.”

“That big, hunh?”

“Only other choice is to make their feet really tiny.”

“Right again. You’ve got an incredible understanding of this.”

“Thanks. I’ve thought about it a lot.”

“So now it sits there, and we have what part of the plan in place.”

“Space.”

“What?”

“In space. Remember, we renamed ‘place’?”

“Oh, right.”

“Well, it’s a very basic part of things. After all, no agglomerations, no places for much of anything else.”

“Solid thinking. So these agglomerations are really ‘it?’”

“Well, fundamentally speaking. Hey, I have it. Why don’t we put the word ‘plan’ together with the word ‘it’? So we call each one of the agglomerations a ‘planit.’”

“Way too transparent. We can be more subtle than that, can’t we?”

“OK, OK, let me think. What’s the most artful way to get the job done?”

“What else? We change only one letter in the name.”

“Same old, same old.”

“But it works. So let’s stay with that. Now, we don’t want to mess with the word ‘plan,’ do we?”

“Too essential to the entire process. After all, what can you do without a plan except make a mishmash?”

“So then we’re down to ‘it.’”

“‘It’ it is. And I like the way it ends, with that very definite ‘t’ sound at the end.”

“Me, too. So that leaves only the ‘i’ to work with. What do we know about it?”

“You mean, about the ‘i’ in ‘it’?”

“What else?”

“We decided way back when to call the thing a vowel, right?”

Right.”

“So let’s just work with the available variations.”

“Why don’t I write them out on the easel, boss?”

“Good idea. Go for it.”

I got up and went to the easel. I picked up a Cosmic Marker and went to work.

“We have, in the usual order of the vowels, ‘planat,’ ‘planet,’ ‘planit,’ which we already nixed, ‘planot,’ and “‘planut,’ which sounds a little dicey to me.”

“I see two contenders - ‘planet’ and ‘planot.’ What do you think?”

“I think it would be really counterproductive to name something that we’ve worked so hard on with one out of only two syllables being a big fat “not,” staring everybody right in the face for a long, long time.”

“You’re right. So what if just we go with ‘planet’? Everybody in favor of calling the balls of dust - excuse me - the agglomerations of matter ‘planets,’ raise your hands.”

All present except one raised their hands.

“Why the abstention?”

“I don’t know, boss, I kind of like the crazy sound of a ‘planut.’”

“Well, you always were a bit of a nut. ‘Planet’ carries by a majority vote.”

“OK, so now we have a planet.”

“Correction. Planets. Remember, the whole thing, as planned, is going to be huge.”

“You’re right. We have planets. What else?”

“What does the land look like? Is it bumpy, like an agglomeration often is, or is it smooth in places?”

“Do we want the creatures on it to have to walk around on bumps all the time?”

“Would that make them happy?”

“No way. We can do better for them than that.”

“Hey, what if we go all the way and make the whole thing flat as a pancake? Then they could walk for miles and miles.”

“Then it wouldn’t be an agglomeration.”

“Excess. You always become excessive.”

“Sorry, boss, it was just a thought.”

“OK, then, how about we keep it round but it’s smooth as a cue ball?”

“Can you please keep your mind out of the pool hall for a few minutes longer? We’ll be done soon enough.”

“I think all smooth is really boring myself. I don’t care whether you call it a pancake or a cue ball.”

“Me, too.”

“I think it’s time to remember our variety principle.”

“Agreed. So this is it. We have bumps and smooth places.”

“Excellent. But, as long as we’re talking about variety, how about hard and soft?”

“And, hey, what about all kinds of colors?”

“OK! Wow, this planet thing is starting to sound really interesting.”

“Do you think your atoms and molecules can manage all those variations?”

“No problem. I worked out the mathematics. The matter is ready to be as perfectly responsive to whatever conditions it winds up in as water tumbling down a hillside.”

“Water? Did you say water?”

“Yeah?”

“What’s that?”

“Something else we’ve been working on in the lab.”

“Really? What’s it do?”

“What? All you want is land? Think about it. Shouldn’t there be something else, just to even things out?”

“Interesting but -”

” - I agree.”

“Sure, boss.”

“I also had this nagging feeling that we might be missing something.”

“Hey, you just gave me a flash.”

“What?”

“The concept behind it. Duality! Land longs for something else to complete it, like left-right, up-down, boy-girl?”

“Good observation. So let’s all think about it. We reconvene tomorrow morning, same time, same place.”

So we brought the invention of land to a successful completion. But what else would we need for a planet to be a planet? I mean, something really gorgeous. Hmm, I went home thinking about that. The more I did, the more I became convinced that water had a place.

Iran Continues To Star As The Mouse That Roared

Writen by Tom Attea

Hardly a day goes by that we don’t hear diminutive Iran roar like a lion about its nuclear ambitions. Or growl about its mighty power by launching yet another flight of missiles. Yet among the world’s most powerful nations Iran remains inarguably diminutive. So, regardless of all the bluster, it can never be more than the mouse that roared.

The powers that be can observe and even indulge Iran, but they know quite well that the mouse better behave itself, because they can always give in a backhand and send it sprawling across the floor and scurrying back into its hole.

Are we attempting to make fun of the descendants of the Darius? No. We have a more considerate goal.

Our intention is to reveal that the efforts of its leaders to brandish weapons and pretend to be a superpower are unwisely conceived. They hope to be what, due to their nation’s size and resources, they can never be.

Far better to spend their national treasure on the prosperity of their citizens, instead of on nuclear armaments that, at their most dangerous, certify them as a possible target for a nuclear attack. And far more productive to join the family of nations as a peaceful and prosperous member than to bellow impossibilities.

But these hopes may be too revolutionary, at least, for now. So we have to settle for the most that’s likely. If the little nation will just stop roaring, the powers that be have shown plenty of willingness to throw it some cheese and let it nibble away in peace.

Background Performers Still Rely On Vouchers For Guild Membership

Writen by Troy Rutter

In 2003, The Screen Actors Guild officially promised to move forward with a new system that would allow background performers, or extras, to join the union.

For many years, the most common way background performers joined SAG was by getting three union vouchers. When you work on the set as an extra, usually through one of the bigger extra casting agencies, you receive either a non-union, or union voucher. For adult actors, this would be Central Casting for union, and Cenex for non-union, however they are both the same company.

Getting a union voucher on a project instead of a non-union voucher was supposed to be the luck of the draw. Countless books on the subject would say “pay attention to what is happening on the set, and look for opportunities for the ‘bump.’” A bump is a specific action or lines given to an extra that will make them deserve a union voucher.

Unfortunately, since the goal for every actor was first to get into the Screen Actors Guild, the voucher system became corrupt. Friends of the assistant directors and the cast got preferential treatment, people were paying off decision makers with bribes, in short - it got ugly, and guild membership swelled.

SAG decided to revamp the system which would still use the union vouchers to an extent, but would assign points to specific things, other than acting, that would have to be totalled before a new member could join. For instance, you would get X many points if you attend a guild meeting, X amount of points if you helped distribute flyers for an upcoming initiative, etc.

As of today though - the system has not changed.

The official line from the guild is as follows:

The new system will provide two separate routes to Guild membership via background work: 1) Union (Covered) or 2) Non-union (Non-covered) work on SAG Signatory projects. A performer may also achieve points towards membership by participating in other designated activities that raise professional standards and support the basic aims of the Guild.

According to the SAG web site, there is a transition committee working to put the new joining requirements into place. The question on everybody’s mind is - when?

Until that happens - you are eligible to join the Screen Actors Guild after receiving three union vouchers, and paying the initiation fee. Other ways to join the guild are still in place, including having a line in a motion picture or television show.

Troy A. Rutter has been working with young performers for over ten years. His book, Kids in the Biz, provides step-by-step guidance to prospective young performers and their families. For more information about getting children into acting in television and films, visit his web site at http://www.kidsinthebiz.com

I Am

Writen by Lance Winslow

Have you been noticing more and more people answering a question with “I am” and the first time you hear it you think, well that sounds cool. Did you know that “I am” is actually the shortest complete sentence in the English Language? It may also be the shortest title of any article you read this week. That is not to say that it is necessary a good answer to a question unless it is stated with a proper tone.

I am could be a question or it could be an answer. It could be a very positive answer or a quizzical question. It could also be a snide remark or a number of other things. Stop for a second and say, “I am” in several different ways. See what I mean? You should therefore add this to your vocabulary of conversational phrases, but only in a limited sense, as you do not want anyone to become offended and think that “You Aren’t” a very good friend. I am, too!

Indeed you may very well be a wonderful, personable, well-intentioned person, I do not doubt it. But make sure you are making the right impression and listen closely when someone else misuses that phrase and see how silly it sounds when they do? When someone says “I am” they maybe telling the truth or hiding the truth depending on how they say it.

Brevity has its place and is not always the best policy. J.P Morgan once said “Say little, know a lot” and this makes a lot of sense in many human endeavors, however it may not be the most polite way to play your personal affairs.

If you read a transcript back, which has the sentence; I am in it; it could be read that you are making a statement to someone and they are saying; “I am?” rather than answering it in the affirmative; I am! You see the difference.

Generally I find some people say this to be cool, others use it tactfully when they do not wish to reveal information. Always call the person on it, if you see that their body language does not match the way they use those words. Trust is too hard to come by to allow game playing tactics of this sort. Think on this in 2006.

Lance Winslow

Yahoo Serious

Writen by Jonathan Smith

There once lived a man so ingenious, so dashing, so incredibly awe inspiring that he disappeared off the face of the earth altogether. He made a run for Hollywood fifteen years ago and his name was Yahoo Serious. His name recently came up in friendly conversation and the response was: Yahoo Who? I was beside myself. I have thrown together a little work up on the man in an effort to spread the word. With any luck, you will check him out and enjoy what dozens have fans have been enjoying for years.

Yahoo dwelled from a far away mysterious and magical land. Lets call itAustralia. No one knows very much about Australia aside from their affinity for fighting crocodiles and their hefty past criminal record. After being expelled from art school for “trying to expand too many minds,” he began using his artistic talents to create his own traveling brand of absurdist comedy. His early shows in 1980s were characterized as “similar to watching someone have a repeated full blown seizure.”

While this was occurring down under, there was what scientists call a “level five Australian Craze” back in the States. Much like the Latin craze of recent years, Americans couldn’t get enough of those croc wrestlers. The scene was ripe for Serious, with acts like Men at Work and Foster’s beer enjoying immense questionable success. Warner Brothers who were a tad drunk off their success of Crocodile Dundee II approved a deal for Yahoo Serious to write, star, and direct in his first film. He is the first Australian to actually do that in a major motion picture, which paved the road for hack Mel Gibson’s first crusade against the British in Braveheart (1995). Yahoo did it first!

His first movie came to him while he was contemplating the effect of nuclear magnetic resonance on electric guitars. One year later, Young Einstein (1989) was born. Yahoo portrayed…well a young Einstein during his formative years. Yahoo portrays a different side of the German physicist. One that is more inclined to solve the mysteries of flat beer than the universe. Somewhere along the way he discovers relativity and Rock n’ Roll, much to the chagrin of various “squares”. Yahoo’s equation of beer and Rock n’ Roll easily equaled him a solid box office draw earning such accolades as, “one of the least-funny pieces of tomfoolery ever made.” Serious had also used the movie to test a personal theory of his involving the extraordinary disarming capabilities of a D power chord on a nuclear bomb. While the movie supports his claims, he is still under investigation by physicists around the globe.

The mass success of Young Einstein guaranteed Serious another movie. Yahoo also had the privilege of joining the ranks of Ayatollah Khomeini, Anne Frank, and V.I. Lenin when he was featured on Time Magazine in 1989. Serious gave himself five years to produce a sequel, banking that his Hollywood fame would be everlasting. Reckless Kelly (1993) his follow-up proved to be allergic to box office success. Apparently, an Australian Robin Hood on a motorcycle wreaking havoc on the British doesn’t in fact equal box office “gold.” Not in America at least. Beating up the British was eventually perfected for American audiences by fellow Australian Mel Gibson (Braveheart and The Patriot). Yahoo Serious was whooping British ass before it was cool. . The official Yahoo Serious website claims, “It [Reckless Kelly] was the most popular film at the Australian box office on its release during Easter 1993.” To be fair its sole competition in the Australian box office that year consisted of Weekend at Bernie’s II and the animated film B

Assimilation or Resistance: A Comparison of Two African American novels

Writen by Mary Arnold

These two novels are divergent in regards to time frame, family relationship, and class. The female protagonists are both young, African Americans but their lives are complete opposites. Before reading these texts, the only African American literature that I had read and studied have been slave narratives, such as Frederick Douglas’ and Celia, A Slave. These texts showed me that even after emancipation, African Americans were still oppressed, first with segregation and then poverty.

Baby of the Family is a story of assimilation. Lena’s family, even though they live in a segregated society, are joining the white culture as much as possible. They are definitely middle class. In spite of being forced to live in the Black part of town, which is the poorest section, Lena’s family owns a very nice house and have many luxury items, such as two sewing machines, appliances, and a piano. They are working hard and striving to achieve the dominant culture’s “Dream.” Lena and her family have created their own world that exists separate from the white world. In the novel, white people are almost non-existent and there is little confrontation with racism. The style of the novel is very mellow; it practically lulls the reader to sleep. One is given the feeling that assimilation is good and that the message to African Americans is not to “buck the system.” The only example of resistance in Baby comes from the slave Rachel, who tells of her suicide to escape oppression. Before this, Lena did not know much about the lives of slaves; this lack of knowledge indicates her parents’ desire to let the past be the past.

Black Girl Lost is a novel of resistance to the dominant culture. The literary style of this novel is very fast-paced, action-packed, and full of animal violence. This depicts the world of the African American ghetto. The style also gives the sense of a jungle, full of animal imagery (such as Chink being called an ape or tiger). The reader also sees people as predators, economically and sexually. Chink earns his living by preying on other people’s addictions and Sandra is preyed upon sexually by two black men. One also gets a picture of the jungle in Sandra’s relationship with her mother. Sandra has to fight her mother in order to survive. An example of this is when Sandra gets some food from Sammy after working in his store. Sandra was eating the food when her mother came home. She hurriedly ate the rest of the sandwiches but the cake and pop were still there when her mother entered the kitchen. Her mother snatches up the cake and eats it and then demands that Sandra give her the bottle of pop. Sandra runs around the table to stay away from her mother as she downs the soda. This struggle over food between Sandra and her mother reminds the reader of how the animals in the jungle fight over a fresh kill.

From reading these two texts together, the picture that emerges of African American literature is that of the various ways African Americans have been oppressed and are still being oppressed. Lena is oppressed by segregation; Sandra by poverty. In both of these novels, women are subjugated to men. This is shown in Sandra’s rape and her deference to Chink and also in Nellie’s submission to her husband and his numerous affairs.

References

Ansa, Tina McElroy. Baby of the Family. Harcourt, 1991.

Goines, Donald. Black Girl Lost. Lushena Publishing, 2006.

Mary Arnold is an author on http://www.Writing.Com/ which is a site for Fiction Writing.

Her writing portfolio may be viewed at http://www.Writing.com/authors/ja77521

Miami Circle: Giant Smiley Face

Writen by D.C. Copeland

Miami archeologist Bobby Bermudez discovered today that the world famous Miami Circle is an ancient giant “Smiley Face.”

Originally uncovered in 1998 when a developer was clearing the land to erect twin condo towers, it has taken Mr. Bermudez eight long years of tedious scholarship to decode the mysterious holes in the ground at the mouth of the Miami River. “Although some experts believe the holes are a septic tank, through an ardous process that involved such disparate fields as computer mapping, Mayan studies, and channeling, I have been able to determine that the Miami Circle is a monumental ceremonial mask to the pre-Columbian Tequesta’s god of mirth.”

“Not very much is known about the Tequestas except that they were tall, naked, and dead before the Conquistadores ever set foot on Florida,” Mr. Bermudez continued. “But it’s good to know they had a sense of humor. In fact, this is the earliest known example of humankind possessing a sense of humor. Except for some erotic art found on the walls of Pompei, most artifacts depict us as a violent, blood-letting superstitious lot so, in that regard, this is one of the most important discoveries ever made, if I do say so myself.”

Depending on where you live and how desperate you are for a little piece of history, digging up the past can be expensive. At that time, to appease a small but vocal minority of preservationists, “new age” wackos, members of the Mayan Huichol tribe and representatives of the “Taino people” who set up camp at the site for a 24-hour tom-tom-athon, County government wrote a check for $26.7 million dollars to the develper to stop developing. Soon after, to preserve the holes, the excavation was covered up with sand and will remain so until funding can be found to develop an educational exhibit.

Despite Mr. Bermudez’s assertions, MVB suspects the Miami Circle really is nothing more the remains of a septic tank and that the original archeologists who discovered it came to the same conclusion after-the-fact and chose to cover it up with a couple of dump truck loads of sand to avoid any embarrasment to their careers.

A Short Biography on Some of Europe’s Most Loved and Hated Monarchs - Pt 6 Philip II

Writen by Stuart Bazga

Philip II, born 1165, was the son of King Louis VII and became King of France in 1180 when his father died.

In 1190, Philip along with Richard I of England and the Holy Roman Emperor, Frederick I Barbarossa, embarked on the Third crusade as comrades in arms but at some point during the journey they quarreled. Philip returned to France a year later whilst the French army remained in Outremer under the command of Hugues III, duke of Burgundy.

Allying himself with the Holy Roman Emperor Henry VI and Richard’s brother, John, he set about claiming Richard’s territories in France as his own. In 1194, after returning from the crusades, Richard set off on a new campaign retaking all the territories that had been seized by Philip during his absence. By the time of Richard’s death in 1199, most of his territory had been regained.

When John became king of England after his brother’s death, Philip began a campaign to retake all the land that Richard had won back. Between 1201 and 1205, Normandy, Maine, Brittany, Anjou, Touraine, and Poitou fell to Philip.

An alliance of European powers, including that of England, became concerned at the growing power of France and her armies and in 1214 went to war with King Philip II. At the Battle of Bouvines, Philip II’s forces inflicted a heavy defeat upon the coalition forces which included those of Otto IV of Germany. The consequence of the defeat was that Philip became one of the most powerful men in Europe.

Philip immediately set about reorganizing his government, bringing with it financial stability. This allowed the country to grow and prosper. His court officials had the majority of their powers removed and he replaced them with a council made up of middle class citizens, bestowing upon them, some of the powers removed form his nobles. During this time of upheaval and reorganization, towns grew, trade flourished and Paris was established as the capital of France.

With Paris firmly established as France’s new capital, Philip II undertook a major rebuilding program, the likes of which had never been seen. He had all the main thoroughfares paved, built Les Halles (a central market) and continued with the construction of Notre-Dame Cathedral which was begun in 1163 by his father Louis VII.

Philip II also gave the world the Louver, which at the time was built as a fortress, as well as giving a charter to the University of Paris in 1200.

With the act of relieving his nobles of their powers and the new prosperity he brought to the country, Philip was seen as a peoples King who became very popular amongst his subjects.

Philip II died July 14, 1223 at Mantes.

Our journey has come to an end. I hope you have enjoyed these brief insights into the life and times of some of Europe’s most loved and hated monarchs.

So until my next article

Best wishes and have a great day

Stuart Bazga

www.guide-to-castles-of-europe.com

A Guide to Castles of Europe was born from childhood dreams and aspirations. It is my hope to educate and stimulate you into exploring these castles for yourselves.

Singing The Blues - You Know It Don’t Come Easy

Writen by Karl Siwek

I once had a slightly tipsy singer approach me at a show and ask in all seriousness how I could possibly be such an accomplished Blues singer since I have never been an alcoholic and had never taken drugs. Though my shows often turn into Mr. Kool’s House of Blues, I had to explain that substance abuse is not what the Blues is about. I will expand upon that scenario to lay bare the true facts on how to sing the Blues.

The literature of lyrics on the development of Blues may help explain some of the prerequisites for, and the importance of Blues to the development of popular music. According to legend, a famous philosopher (and Rock star) Richard Starkey wrote, “You got to pay your dues if you want to sing the Blues, and you know it don’t come Easy”. Yes this does indicate that the Blues finds its beginnings in hardship and deprivation.

The Blues musical style was the spawning ground for much of Modern music. The great commentator and Blues singer Muddy Waters wrote, “The Blues had a baby, they named the baby Rock and Roll”. Rock got it’s start in the Blues style of the 50’s. Many famous Rock artists such as Elvis, the Rolling Stones and Led Zeppelin all started out doing Blues. The term R&B originally stood for “Rhythm and Blues”, not “Rap and Bad-lyrics” as it does today.

You don’t have to write Blues songs in Ebonics, but it helps. With that as our opening thought, let me s’plain how you too can be “singin’ the Blues”. Most Blues begin with: “Woke up this morning…..”. Something happy like: “I got a good woman” is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something depressing in the line like, “I got a good woman but she got PMS”. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes….sort of.

“Got a good woman but she got PMS”.

“Yea, got a good woman but she got PMS”.

“When she gets mean,

she scares me half to death”.

The Blues is not about choice. “You stuck in a ditch… you stuck in a ditch… ain’t no way out… better love that bitch.”

Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken down pickup trucks. Blues don’t travel in BMW’s or Sport Utility Vehicles. Often Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and company cars ain’t even in the running. But walkin’ plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin’ to die.

Teenagers can’t sing the Blues. They ain’t fixin’ to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, “adulthood” means being old enough to get the electric chair if you “shot a man in Memphis”. Memphis by the way is the birthplace of the Blues. Ain’t nothin’ closer to Blues then “Walking in Memphis”.

Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just seasonal depression. Chicago, St. Louis, Memphis, New Orleans and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don’t get rain. And we all know, “it never rains in Southern California”.

A man with male pattern baldness ain’t the blues, you got to be completely bald. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg ’cause you went skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg ’cause an alligator chomped on it is.

You can’t have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster. Good places for the Blues: Karaoke bar, Highway, Jailhouse, empty bed, bottom of a whiskey bottle. Bad places for the Blues: Nordstrom’s, gallery openings, Ivy League Institutions, Golf courses.

No one will believe it’s the Blues if you wear a suit, ‘less you happen to be an old ethnic person and you slept in it… for two weeks. Best clothes for the blues is torn overalls, or a prison uniform. And of course you should be wearing a Kool Blues hat. Blues instruments are Harmonica, Blues Guitar and Saxophone. A Xylophone, Chimes and Violin won’t cut it.

Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if: You older than dirt, You blind, You “shot a man in Memphis”, You “can’t get no satisfaction”, You a “Back Door Man”, You named your guitar after your ex-wife who left you for your best friend. No, if: You have all your teeth, You “once was blind but now can see”, The man in Memphis lived, You have a 401K or trust fund.

Blues is not a matter of color. It’s a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues. If you ask for water and your darlin’ give you poison, it’s the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are: Ripple, Whiskey or Bourbon, Muddy Water, nasty black coffee. The following are NOT Blues beverages: Perrier, Chardonnay, Snapple, Slim Fast or Diet Coke.

If death occurs in a cheap motel or a “rundown shack by a railroad track”, it’s a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So are the electric chair, substance abuse (but it’s not a requirement), and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can’t have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.

Some Blues names for women: Sadie, Hanna, Big Mama, Bessie, Fat Bottom Dumpling, and Caldonia. Some Blues names for men: Joe, Willie, Joe-Willie, Little Willie, Big Willie, Muddy, and Leroy. People with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Tiffany, Brooke, Brittany and Heather can’t sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

If you want to sing the blues you need a good Blues singers name. You may adopt one. First take the name of a physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.) Then add the name of a fruit (Lemon, Melon, Cherry, Tomato etc. Yes tomato is a fruit, and a health food to boot). Then tack on the last name of a President (Johnson, Jefferson, Bush, etc.) For example: Blind Melon Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson, Killer Tomato Bush, etc. (maybe Horny Cactus Clinton?).

Now that you are dully indoctrinated into the fine art of Blues singing, here is a little Blues tune to practice on:

“I got a woman never could be true”

“I got a woman she never could be true”

“plays jokes on me,

then hollers APRIL FOOL”.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

DJ Kool Karl has been a Disc Jockey and KJ for over ten years. His articles have been published in Karaoke magazines and on various internet disc jockey sites. He can be found DJ-ing at clubs and private parties around Orange County California. To get your own Kool Karl articles, DJ/KJ shows, parties or special events call 714-544-2614

Email: Karaoke@TheOffice.net

Or check out:

http://home.earthlink.net/~karyll/karaoke/

http://www.wedding-dj-in-orange-county.com/