Lord Almighty, A Christian Site

Writen by Andy Carloff

Jesus is lord! Wheee!!!!

So there I was, just cruising the internet looking for a batch of pornography. I go to www.busty-amateurs.com, an old-time favorite site, and what do I see!? No content, no join, no free-tour (heh, what I used every time), no news, just “Jesus Christ is Lord.” And below that “Click Here for Freedom.” Yeah, okay, so about this time, I was in the mood for some freedom. So I hit that offer up, and it basically brought me to this weird Christian site. I was like, “No, no, no, man, take me back, I’ll hit up the Christ link,” and so, I go there, and am I indeed amused. I see this weird site, www.settingcaptivesfree.com, and I decide to watch the intro. To see it, go here…

http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm

Yes, if you didn’t see it, let me describe it. There’s a jail cell (I like how they did the neat designs for a small padlock) and there’s writing on the walls. First, you have some of the essentials, “Pornography,” and “Smoking.” Then some more of the good ones with “Overeating,” and “Drinking,” and “Homosexuality.” And then this dude just squatting on the floor, with chains on his hands. And then boom! A cross blows up the front door and flies through (padlocks aren’t very effective). The dude smiles and it looks like he suffered a facial, self-inflicted gunshot wound. I mean, it’s pretty rough; that’s all I’m going say. He throws his arms at the cross and the end. I’m not really sure what they’re trying to say, exactly. Is overeating and smoking sinful? Probably. I mean, if you’re Catholic, Presbyterian, or any other happiness-is-evil cult, sure. Drinking is bad? Bah. A bottle of vodka made me felt more euphoric than Jesus when I did believe in a god. Honestly, they don’t ever say that Jesus feels better than alcohol, because then the world would just totally stop taking them seriously (I mean, even more so than now). Yeah, yeah, yeah… I could go on mocking them for a long, long time. Instead, I showed it to a whole bunch of people, and here are some responses…

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Punkerslut: http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm lol
Ely: what
Ely: what the hell is going on
Punkerslut: lol
Ely: That’s the nicest dressed prisoner I’ve ever seen
Ely: burn him at the stake!
Punkerslut: And so ugly.

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Punkerslut: http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm
Megan: wow.
Megan: that is so inspirational..
Punkerslut: lol
Punkerslut: Man, I better cut back on my Homosexuality and drinking. =(
Megan: now i have the urge to handcuff myself and wait for a huge gold cross to set me free!
Punkerslut: Yay!!!!
Megan: very kinky
Punkerslut: Man, this is so rough.
Punkerslut: God was at the door, “Have you been writing your secret fantasies on my walls again?”
Megan: very crazy.
Punkerslut: I’m-ma write an article about this.
Megan: because homosexuality is definitely a reason to be in jail
Punkerslut: looool
Megan: i mean, homosexuality is soooo gay…

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Punkerslut: http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm lol
Letter God: delightful
Letter God: I hope jesus comes through with the jail break if I ever get locked up
Punkerslut: Yeah, he never did that for me. =(
Punkerslut: God was at the door, “Have you been writing your secret fantasies on my walls again?”
Letter God: heh

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Punkerslut: http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm lol
Richard: ..
Punkerslut: lol
Punkerslut: Isn’t that FREAKING COOL!?
Richard: no
Richard: no it isn’t
Punkerslut: Pffft, nerd.
Punkerslut: Sinner!

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Punkerslut: http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm You’ll LOVE this.
Dan: oh man, that was so lame
Punkerslut: lol
Dan: he should reject god and go look at some porn and stuff
Punkerslut: Hell yeah.
Punkerslut: And get drunk.
Dan: yeah
Dan: religious people suck, like those that are heavy into it
Dan: if you want to believe in god hey whatever, but some people take it too far for my liking
Punkerslut: Yeah.

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Punkerslut: http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm lol
Caley: Mmm….. sacrilicious.
Punkerslut: Oh, hell yeah.

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Punkerslut: http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm lol
Darren: I don’t get it
Darren: ;p
Punkerslut: It’s funny!
Punkerslut: He was…. the guy is….. there are things….. awww, forget it.
Darren: Ohh
Darren: Nevermind I get it
Darren: ;p
Punkerslut: =)
Darren: homosexuality was the best

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Punkerslut: http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm Jesus Is LorD! WHEE!
Derrek: yay
Punkerslut: You’ll like that site.
Punkerslut: lol, trust me
Derrek: oh geez this is beyond lame
Derrek: haha
Punkerslut: lol, right
Punkerslut: Man, I could get drunk and watch this…. alllllll dayyyyyy….

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Punkerslut: ETHAN!!!!!
Ethan: hey
Punkerslut: I just discovered the coolest thing evar!!!
Punkerslut: http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm Jesus Is Lord! WHEE!
Ethan: that was fun
Punkerslut: lol
Punkerslut: Don’t tell me you didn’t like it.
Ethan: it was absurd
Punkerslut: lol, it soooo was
Punkerslut: Man, I’m-ma get drunk and watch this a whole bunch of times!
Ethan: ok

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Punkerslut: http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm lol
Punkerslut: Okay.
Punkerslut: WATCH!
Glittering Insanity: ooooo bondage.
Glittering Insanity: muaha.
Glittering Insanity: this is making me upset. homosexuality is right up there with violence and such. NYARGH.
Punkerslut: WHAT VIOLENCE!?
Punkerslut: There’s drinking and overeating!
Punkerslut: It’s the wall of “Things To DO!”
Glittering Insanity: oh. well. porno then
Glittering Insanity: lol!
Glittering Insanity: pornography smoking overeating drinking homosexuality
Glittering Insanity: that is the wall of things to do.
Punkerslut: Yeaaaaaaap.
Glittering Insanity: well. if it said smoking pot.
Glittering Insanity: i don’t want to smoke cigs. bad bad.
Punkerslut: Technicalities.

Glittering Insanity: lol!
Punkerslut: Man, Jesus is awesome… Will you put me in handcuffs and break through the door?
Glittering Insanity: lol.
Glittering Insanity: kinky kinky.
Glittering Insanity: is that site serious?
Punkerslut: lol, yeah
Punkerslut: www.settingcaptivesfree.com
Punkerslut: That’s the funny part.
Punkerslut: Man, this is never gonna get old.
Punkerslut: [replay]
Glittering Insanity: PURE FREEDOM TOUR
Punkerslut: As Orwell once said, “Slavery is freedom, ignorance is strength, war is peace.”
Glittering Insanity: ….. they like blue and yellow.
Punkerslut: And white!
Glittering Insanity: .. and black.
Punkerslut: And……. yellow.
Glittering Insanity: i said yellow!! >:o
Punkerslut: [was already in Mexico by the time you could respond]
Glittering Insanity: lol. what the hell.

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Punkerslut: http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm Punkerslut: WATCH THAT NOOOWWWWWW!!!!! The Plastic Jesus: Alright. The Plastic Jesus: Aw, wtf! Punkerslut: loooool Punkerslut: isn’t that coool!???????? The Plastic Jesus: Totally. Punkerslut: There’s a flying cross! The Plastic Jesus: Is that guy you? Punkerslut: Hey, bug off! The Plastic Jesus: lol Punkerslut: I’m not imprisoned by drinking… Drinking is my liberator. Punkerslut: And don’t start with your, “It may seem that way, my brother in Christ….” The Plastic Jesus: lol Punkerslut: Man, they have an SWF on alcoholism. Shit, does anyone think you can be an alcoholic WITHOUT being homeless? The Plastic Jesus: lol, I’m not sure… and remember if you like drugs you MUST be homeless! Punkerslut: True. The Plastic Jesus: WTF, this site sucks. Punkerslut: lol

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Punkerslut: http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm Punkerslut: WATCH!!!! Punkerslut: Did you see it? John E: yeap. Punkerslut: Oh, man. Punkerslut: Was that awesome, or what. John E: I have no speakers, heh. Punkerslut: Aw. John E: so maybe. Punkerslut: There was crappy music in the background, is all. Punkerslut: Besides, it’s an SWF! Punkerslut: With a flying cross! Punkerslut: And…. homosexuality! John E: I wish I had a flying cross. John E: Instead all I’ve got is an intense desire to nap. John E: Damn that was smooth, be back in an hour, lol.

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Punkerslut: http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm GO HERE NOW! SymTrips: ugh WTF? Punkerslut: lol, wasn’t that awesome? Punkerslut: Dude, now don’t told me that you haven’t felt imprisoned by homosexuality, too. SymTrips: I wasn’t paying too much attention to it… what was the message? Punkerslut: Uuummmm, being gay with inanimate objects is okay with god. SymTrips: o ok SymTrips: hahaha

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Punkerslut: http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm lol, this is the coolest! Rachel: OK Rachel: ill check it out in a min. Punkerslut: CHECK IT OUT!!!!????? Punkerslut: lol, it’s hilarious Rachel: since when wereu so religious Punkerslut: lol…. I’m not Punkerslut: I think Christianity is a sham. Rachel: o Rachel: lolic Punkerslut: And that little movie is the most amusing ever. Punkerslut: Look! Pornography and drinking on the same wall! It’s heaven! Rachel: ,lol Rachel: ya Punkerslut: Man, I gotta find more people to show this video to. Rachel: lol

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Punkerslut: Duuuuuude!!!!! Punkerslut: http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm GO HERE NOW! Uncouth Ranting: Oh dear. Punkerslut: lol Punkerslut: Isn’t that great?

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Punkerslut: http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm Check it out!!!!!! NiD: heeheeheeheeeheeheehee Punkerslut: WHATCHYA” THINK~!? NiD: it’s hilarious Punkerslut: lol, it’s not as bad when you’re drunk.

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Punkerslut: http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm Check it out!!!!!!! Coincidence: What in the fuck was that? Punkerslut: Wasn’t that the coolest!? Coincidence: If by the coolest you mean the lamest. Punkerslut: How the hell do you masturbate with handcuffs on? Coincidence: Oh, come on, dude! Use your imagination! Coincidence: Ummm… Coincidence: Why did you send this to me? Punkerslut: Why DIDN’T I send it to you? Coincidence: Please… Must I answer that? Punkerslut: Well, it’s funny, man. Coincidence: True, and in a way, sad. Punkerslut: Don’t dwell on it too much. =( Coincidence: Why is that guy on his knees at the end? Punkerslut: Well, he WAS chilling out in a room that had the word “homosexuality” written on the wall. [cough] And he had handcuffs on…. did I mention he was in a room where “homosexuality” was written on the wall? Coincidence: You did. Punkerslut: Oh.

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Also, we respect your right to believe as you choose, but those in the following religions are not allowed to become mentors with Setting Captives Free: Muslims, Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Catholics, Seventh-Day Adventists, Christian Scientists or Unitarians.

– SettingCaptivesFree.com

For Life,

Punkerslut

Punkerslut (or Andy Carloff) has been writing essays and poetry on social issues which have caught his attention for several years. His website http://www.punkerslut.com provides a complete list of all of these writings. His life experience includes homelessness, squating in New Orleans and LA, dropping out of high school, getting expelled from college for “subversive activities,” and a myriad of other revolutionary actions.

Sir Edward Coley Burne-Jones

Writen by Layla Dean

British painter, designer, and illustrator Sir Edward Burne-Jones is one of the most well known of the second generation Pre-Raphaelite artists. Born in Birmingham, Burne-Jones mother died six days after giving birth. Having no siblings the lonely child escaped to the world of drawing. Burne-Jones studied theology at Exeter College in Oxford where he met fellow poet and artist William Morris. The two read the writings of Ruskin and studied and the paintings of the Pre-Raphaelites and decided they should devote their lives to art. In 1856, he met Dante Gabriel Rossetti, who became a great influence on directing Burne-Jones art.

In 1860, Burne-Jones married Georgiana Macdonald. Known for her quiet strength, Georgiana provided a balance to the artists high strung personality. He was also a partner in the firm of Morris, Marshall, Faulkner & Co along with William Morris, Dante Gabriel Rossetti, Madox Brown, and Phillip Webb. ‘The Firm’, as it was called, began in 1860 and produced interior design, high quality furnishings, stained glass, metal work, tiles, and tapestries. Rossetti and Madox Brown both resigned from the company in 1874. Burne-Jones is known for his efforts in the revival of medieval crafts with the aid of his friend William Morris. His themes are taken from legends and history, often mythological and allegorical characters.

Edward Burne-Jones was elected to the Royal Academy in 1890 but resigned after three years. He designed stained-glass windows, mosaics, and tapestries along with book illustrations under the name of Edward Coley Jones. His designs, along with his medieval crafts style, paved the way for the Arts Nouveau movement. Burne-Jones was knighted in 1894 and died in 1898.

About the Author: Layla Dean is an art enthusiast and contributor to ArtistPages.info

This article may be reprinted in full so long as the resource box and the live links are included intact. All rights reserved. Copyright Layla Dean.

Mabel Seeley-A Classic Mystery Author Rediscovered

Writen by John Anderson

In 1938 America was in the last years of the Great Depression. People were returning to work, but disposable income was scarce. Consumers wanted to get the most for their dollar, so not everyone had the funds or was willing to spend the two to three dollars required to buy a hardcover novel. They bought True Confessions, Blue Book or Argosy, instead. Even so, Agatha Christie, Mary Roberts Rinehart, Rex Stout and Dashiel Hammett were household names with thousands of readers waiting impatiently for their next novel. 1938 was also the year when Mabel Seeley, a diminuitive woman from Minnesota, published her first novel, The Listening House.

In the Listening House, the first of seven novels, she has her heroine walking into a house where the corpse of the mysterious Mrs. Garr has died. In a quote from The Girl Detective website, “The Hall wasn’t inviting. It smelled old gas. It smelled animals confined to cellars. The ghosts of long-fried dinners, the acridity of long-burned cigarettes haunted the air that was a thicker, foggier dark than the day outside; a murk that might have been the grime of the grime of the outside walls floated loose and suspended in the halls.” What a way to set a scene, eh?

She also had a knack for coming up with believable characters. Her heroines weren’t fluff from a romance magazine but real people. Smart, hard-working and self-reliant, they didn’t climb dark stairways with a candle in their hands to find out what caused that strange sound that came from the attic. But they’re certainly up to going to a resort in Northern Minnesota to babysit for a hunky but mysterious man and his son. The only Seeley book I was ever able to locate was The Crying Sisters. The heroine is a librarian who is offered a substantial amount of money to look after a young boy. Janet accepts, but cannot understand where her counterpart disappears to at night. And why does he refuse to talk about it? Janet has a sharp wit and the repartee between the main characters has a great edge to it. The only thing I questioned in the book is why the hero would think that she would be thrilled to keep her charge if anything happened to him. Even more surprising, why didn’t she call him on it! I also remember being pleased with the ending.

Mabel Seeley was popular, but never reached the panoply of mystery-writers deities. Her books got positive reviews in the New York Times and Atlantic Monthy. She was in the Mary Roberts Rinehart school, and unfortunately became associated with the “had I but known” Gothic movement. Her stories generally began with the main character reflecting on an ordeal she had suffered and wondering how she survived. She used creepy settings, but didn’t brood obsessively over them the way so many in the HIBK school did.

Besides The Listening House and The Crying Sisters, Seeley also wrote The Whispering Cup, The Chuckling Fingers, Eleven Came Back, The Beckoning Door and the Whistling Shade. She retired in 1954 to devote her time to her marriage. I intend to read all her books as they again become available.

John Anderson is a devoted mystery reader and recently a mystery writer. His novel, The Cellini Masterpiece, was published under the pen name of Raymond John. If you have a question or comment about the article or his book, he will be very pleased to repond to queries at his website, http://www.cmasterpiece.com.

Another One of Those Days

Writen by Marge Holley

I never thought that I would be cooking rice for my grandson’s finches in my golden years. I am also feeding parakeets, cat, fish and hamsters while the family is on vacation.

The market was out of the item that I specifically went to get and needed for a recipe so I bought some items that I didn’t need and three chocolate bars that I did need. Apparently I stepped on some gum in the store parking lot which I didn’t discover until I got home. I left my shoe on the front porch and went inside to get a scraper. When I got back, the neighbor dog was running off with my shoe. I then tried to clean the gum off of the porch and ended up with gum on my sock. Gave up and ate the chocolate bars.

Painted new numbers on the house. I didn’t realize the paint didn’t wash off with water. I’m sure that it will wear off of my hands eventually. Probably about the time the gum wears off the porch or the dog brings back my shoe.

Did I raise lazy children? Did I spoil them? To be nice, once, I took my son’s stinky dog to be shampooed and have his nails trimmed. I was embarrassed when the grooming people commented, “This poor dog’s nails are way too long. Didn’t you notice him walking funny?”

I meekly answered, “The dog is twenty years old and has arthritis. He always walks funny.” After paying to be made to feel guilty of dog neglect, I took His Majesty home.

I told my son the grooming people said this kind of dog has fast growing nails and needs more attention. Did I get a thank you? Nope. “Why did you wait so long?”

Marge is the library director in a small town in the Northwest, has been writing all her life and just published her first book at age 61.

Humor Under The Keyboards

Writen by Ismael D. Tabije

For me, the piano is the symbol of what is stiff, proper and elegant. It doesn’t have faults, it is perfect. Pianists are the most perfectionist people in the world. They should not and can not make mistakes especially when performing. That is how I viewed the piano and the pianists. But then, I just found out I was wrong. A few researches and I have once again proven that appearances can be deceiving.

The pianists we see play appear to be the most formal and respectable stars on the stage. They hold the power and the breath of the audiences. They could look intimidating in their formal suits not to mention the authority and the air of arrogance they exude while on stage. They can be captivating.

But before we forget, these pianists are also human. And humans do make mistakes. Most of these mistakes can be frustrating and depressing. But then, there are also mistakes that are amusing and could also be totally hilarious. It shows how fun could be inserted even in the most seemingly stuffy and proper event.

Here are some examples:

When asked for their definition of a piano, some famous musicians and musical enthusiasts have some famous replies:

Language Confusion: Oh, Oh!

Writen by Pamela Beers

Oscar Wilde said, “The Americans are identical to the British in all respects except of course language.” Going to other countries can make for amusing language confusion.

If you go to the UK and tell a Brit that you’ve been watching the boob tube (U.S. television) it would raise a completely wrong image. In the UK, boob tube is a slang term for a tank top or knitted sleeve top. Oops!

Telling a Brit that your daughter just got braces on her teeth, may classify you as a wazzack. Braces mean suspenders in the UK and are used for keeping your pants up. They’ll wonder why your daughter has suspenders on her teeth. In case you are wondering what wazzack means, I’ll tell you. If you aren’t wondering, I’ll tell you anyway. When the Brits call somebody a wazzack, it’s a friendly way of telling them they are idiots. For example, “Listen you wazzack, don’t you know the difference between braces and suspenders.” Keeping that in mind, I’ve decided it’s more fun to be a wazzack. I’ve had some embarrassing moments, but more importantly, I met some really cool people, who found my fractured British laughableas we remain friendsdespite the language confusion.

Copyright © 2005 by Pamela Beers. All rights reserved.

Pamela Beers is a Freelance Writer who enjoys making people laugh.

http://www.pamelabeers.com

Old Age Isn’t For Sissies

Writen by Anita Cross

It must have been more than 25 years ago when I first saw that bumper sticker. “Cute,” I chuckled to myself, “What will they think of next?” (How about “Whirled Peas”?)

Now in my fifties, I’m learning first hand what they’re talking about. From the frumpy grey-haired stranger that looks back at me from the bathroom mirror every day to the closet full of too-small clothes that I really should donate to the local mission. And I’m beginning to understand my grandmother’s affinity to Ben Gay.

In fact, it’s the aching joints that bother me the most. After all, I don’t have to look in the mirror, and I’m quite comfortable wearing my sweats most of the time. But denial can only take a gal so far. When I’m lying in bed with an aching shoulder, it’s not denial that helps me fall asleep.

It’s my herbal heat wrap, with a little help from the microwave oven.

I discovered this delightful remedy at a local tourist attraction, complete with free entertainment, numerous food vendors, and lots of “mom and pop” product booths. As I walked through the small vintage firehouse, the smell of lavender was inviting, so I took a closer look.

20 minutes later, and about $60.00 lighter, I walked away with my only inedible purchase of the day. I had this lizard shaped thingee around my neck, and a more versatile rectangular wrap in the bag.

Having had my heat wraps for several weeks now, I can wholeheartedly recommend them. Of course, I recommend Heat Treats herbal wraps because that’s what I have and I know they work. These heat wraps are filled with a combination of flax seed and lavender. The flax seed releases a moist heat, while the lavender helps me relax.

While there’s nothing I can do to prevent getting older, at least I can put off feeling older for a while longer.

Now if only I could solve my “secretary spread” as easily.

Anita Cross is a business owner, outdoor photographer, and amateur writer. Anita posts photos and stories, whenever she can find the time, to her blog, Exploring Oregon.

Copyright © 2005 Anita Cross, Eugene Oregon. All rights reserved.

Entertainment Goes Viral

Writen by Pat Marcello

Do you love those silly sites? The ones with all the funny videos and such? I’ll tell you I’m hooked on “End of Ze World” at FunnyJunk.com. I don’t care how many times I see it, I always laugh. Just like the people that watch the “Numa Numa Dance.” I smiled the first time, but I just don’t get the interest in that one. See it once and that’s all I needed.

Anyway, if you like those sorts of things, you’ll also love Kontraband.com (If you’re Ninja enough). LOL Kontraband.com is like FunnyJunk.com with a definite adult edge. Some of the stuff is a little too over the top for me, but it’s still damned funny.

I had a chance to interview the CEO, Richard Spalding, this week. Interestingly enough, Kontraband.com is really about viral marketing. Not so hard to believe. What a great format to showcase products! People come to be entertained and they are, but they may also be intrigued by what surrounds that entertainment. Unlike television, you won’t get commercials to interrupt your viewing, but you will see links-surprisingly, near the bottom of the page.

What struck me as funny is that the lead at the site on the day I visited said that Kontraband.com had gone “ad free.” As there were plenty of links on the page, I asked Spalding what that meant. “We are currently reviewing our ‘Banner Advertising’ policy and have shut down all banner adverts (apart from ones that are obviously joking. We no longer want to rely on advertising networks providing us with banner advertising. They tend to want to have a say in our editorial policies and that’s a big no no. We want to focus our attention on active, self perpetuating advertising (viral) which we believe is the future for Internet advertising. Current trends believe that banner advertising is an outdated and lazy way for brands to promote themselves to their audience. Banners cannot build brands, they just sustain a brand’s presence in an overcrowded marketplace.”

Kontraband.com is loaded with content, so I asked Spalding where he gets it. “We are sent a lot of content through our ‘Home Movies’ section where users can upload their own content. We also ‘find it’ on other similar sites to ours. It’s a game of poaching and being poached in the ‘Wild West’ of the online entertainment sites!” Hopefully, Spalding is talking about public domain material and I assume much of this video funny stuff is. Why not? Free is good for making a rep.

The only downside I see to Kontraband.com is that some of the material is thoroughly adult and the warning is nebulous. “We are a mature oriented site (17+),” Spalding said. “We have a clear sign which says NSFW (not safe for work), which is a warning.” Not a clear warning, but a warning nonetheless. Spalding says he’s working with US attorneys to determine a proper policy. “We are discussing with our US lawyers for a better way to take a more responsible approach with risky content and put a disclaimer in place.” US laws about such stuff seem to be more stringent than those in the UK, where Kontraband.com is based.

More than 400,000 unique viewers per day come to Kontraband.com, according to Spalding, and the site has an Alexa rank of 2,543 as of today. Pretty incredible exposure, eh? Spalding gave me a window into his tracking program. Wow! One site, which was displayed on Kontraband and “seeded” through multiple sites got 102,009 views on 2/24/05. OK, so that was a year ago, but just imagine how the exposure is today, as the popularity of the site increases.

I’m intrigued by the fact that Kontraband.com concentrates on the marketing. (Rather guerilla marketing.) You don’t really get it that you’re being sold anything, but I found links there for the usual suspects-investments, hair replacement, dating, and even the now notorious 12DailyPro. If you’ ve never considered advertising on these kinds of sites, you may want to think again. I probably can’t afford it.

Pat Marcello has done many interviewers during her 15-year writing career, including talks with Gloria Steinam and Ralph Nader. See her other works at Write On! (patmarcello.com) or OVMarketing (ovweb.net)

Leonardo da Vinci - A Biography of the Renaissance Man

Writen by Bianca Tavares

Leonardo Da Vinci was born on April 15, 1452, in Vinci, Italy. It is uncertain that Vinci, just west of Florence, was the actual birthplace and it is often debated that perhaps he was born in a farmhouse in Anchiano. Nevertheless, Vinci claims the prestigious title of the birthplace of Leonardo Da Vinci.

Leonardo did not author an autobiography; therefore, what little is know of his early life has been gathered from tax records and other documents of the period. What is known is that he was the illegitimate son of Ser Piero da Vinci and a woman who is only known by her first name, Catrina. It is speculated that she was possible a slave from the Middle East or perhaps just a lowly servant that worked in the household.

His father, a notary of some stature, did not raise him. It is known that Leonardo (christened Lionardo) lived with his. Later on he went to live with his father or his father’s younger brother, Francesco. What became of his mother is unknown.

Because of the circumstances of his birth, Leonardo’s early training was probably conducted by his step-mother, Donna Albiera, although he was mainly self-tought. Later on in life his illegitimacy would also influence his prospects for obtaining a higher education and the means to earn a living. When his father noted his artistic talent, he was sent to Florence as apprentice to Andrea del Verrocchio at around the age of 16 or 17.

Under Verrocchio, Leonardo studied painting and sculpture. He probably learned geometry during his apprenticeship and worked with other students and artists of the time such as Sandro Botticelli, Cosimo Rosselil and Lorenzo di Credi. It was during this time that he was assigned his first task of painting the angel in Baptism of Christ (c.1472-75). After seeing Leonardo’s angel it is said that Verrocchio swore “never to pick up a paintbrush again”.

During his first Florentine period (1478-1483) Leonardo received some of his first commissions. He became known for his artistic talents with his work on Madonna and Child (c. 1478), Small Annunciation (1480-1481), and Adoration of the Magi (c. 1481-82).

Leonardo was revered by friends and colleagues as being handsome and charismatic. He was kind and generous and probably one of the world’s first animal rights activists. He was also a practicing vegetarian (almost unknown in the fifteenth century.) However, he was not so well liked that he was immune to gossip and in 1476 he was arrested on the charge of sodomy. After about two months of incarceration he was released due to a lack of evidence. The question of his sexuality still remains a mystery.

After his release in 1478, Leonardo left Florence for the first time and traveled to Milan. There he joined a new patron, Ludovico Sforza. Initially he was to have been a military engineer, but instead became the court artist. He designed several machines such as catapults and armored cars but none were ever built. During this time he also painted one of his most famous frescos, The Last Supper - not actually a fresco in the true sense of the word but still paramount in establishing him as a portraitist and artist.

In 1499, Leonardo returned to Florence where he accepted a commission for an altar painting for the friars of the Order of the Servites at Santissima Annunziata. It was for this painting that Leonardo created one of his unfinished masterpieces, The Burlington House Cartoon (c.1499-1500). He also started two of his most famous works, The Battle of Anghiari, and The Mona Lisa (1503). The Battle of Anghiari was never finished and The Mona Lisa was never delivered to the client, Francesco del Giocondo.

In 1506 he headed back to Milan, remaining there for six years to continue his anatomy studies. Then in 1511, he moved to Rome where he continued his experiments with flight and optical puzzles as well as botany and the scientific mixing of oil paints and varnishes.

In 1516 Leonardo joined the King of France, Francois I, in the Loire Valley. The aging artist was ill and suffering from a stroke. Unable to paint, he undertook several projects including a walking mechanical lion. Instead of a heart, the lion’s chest opened to reveal a fleur-de-lis. He also designed a palace at Romorantin, reorganized his notebooks, and several other smaller projects.

On May 2, 1519, Leonardo died and was buried in Saint-Forentine in Amboise. But even in death, his travels were not over. During the Wars of Religion Leonardo’s remains were moved several times. Eventually he was buried in the Chapel of St. Hubert in the castle of Amboise.

Leonardo da Vinci was an artist, musician, philosopher, engineer, botanist, anatanomist, mathematician and a humanitarian. He did not believe in life after death and he did not agree with the teachings of the church. He was generous but suspicious. He questioned everything around him and excelled at everything he undertook. He spent 30 years keeping meticulous records and journals documenting his experiments and designs. Vassari observes with reference to Leonardo’s writings, “he wrote backwards in rude characters, and with the left hand, so that anyone who is not practiced in reading them, cannot understand them”. He did not number the five thousand pages he documented but ensured that each observation or experiment documented be completed on one page. Leonardo took great pains to finish his notebooks. Yet, in contrast to his scientific studies, this artist who epitomizes the Renaissance left much of his artistic endeavors unfinished.

Much of Leonardo’s life is a mystery in spite of his writings. Little is known of the man inside the body because he did not reveal much to the world. His accomplishments throughout his 67 years on earth did much to revolutionize the artistic community and, had his machines been built, would have revolutionized society centuries in advance. Leonardo was truly a man before his time.

To learn more about Leonardo da Vinci and find Bianca Tavares’ other biographical writing at Renaissance Art.

How to Quit Writing

Writen by Leeuna Foster

Last week, I decided to quit writing. Tired of rejection, tired of being a slave to words and phrases, I decided it was time I straightened out my life. So I quit. Cold turkey!

I cleared off my desk, shut down the computer, shoved all my discs and hard copies into the file cabinet, locked it and handed my husband the key. I threw the mouse into the trash and that was that.

Quitting a habit is relatively easy. I have a friend who has quit smoking 243 times.

Staying quit? Now that is a different thing altogether.

I have heard that all writers are not addicts. Some claim they can lay their writing career aside any time they choose. Others, like myself, are sucked into the literary scene after only one byline. All it takes to get us hopelessly addicted is to see our name printed in tiny letters beneath a few lines of text in a magazine.

However, there is hope for us. We can help ourselves remain ink free if we posses the willpower and the strong desire to quit.

The pencil theory. Some writers argue that carrying a pencil between their teeth or holding an empty ink pen between their fingers helps diminish their cravings. This doesn’t work for me. I never can resist the urge to put the pencil to paper, so I have vowed to never touch another pencil. The surgeon General should have a warning put on the things. Blank paper is too easily obtained.

Never allow yourself any *think time*. Solitude is the worst enemy for a writer, trying to quit. The mind begins to wander and as sure as God made quotation marks, you’ll find yourself filled with ideas and phrases, until your head won’t be able to contain them and you’ll find yourself reaching for the keyboard.

Keep busy. Clean away those dust bunnies you’ve allowed to collect in the corners. Watch TV. Engage in a mindless conversation on the phone or with your spouse. Go visit your mother-in-law. Always wear a blindfold when you go outside, especially if the sun is shining or if it is dark with a sky full of stars. Or if it is a lovely spring day with all the flowers peeping out of their beds or if it is a crisp sky blue winter morning with the frost decorating the windowpanes… or… On second thought.. don’t go out at all. Viewing nature in all her splendor can cause inspiration to overpower your will power.

Clear off your desk. Every writer knows that creating is difficult in a neat and tidy environment. As clutter tends to inspire, a blank desk top will help you retain your blank state of mind.

You may also consider joining a self-help group for reformed writers. Last night I attended my first AWA meeting (addicted writers anonymous). Some of the stories I heard there brought a tear to my eye. One lady admitted to accepting money for her work. Can you believe that? I was ashamed for her. Another member confessed to attending his own son’s school where he posed as a librarian in order to gain insight into the children’s reading habits and literary preferences. Then another member stood and in a voice choking with emotion, he told of how he turned his four-year-old daughter into a schizophrenic. He constantly got his daughter confused with the child protagonist in a novel he was writing. Now his little Susie thinks her name is Yolanda.

I had a confession of my own. I fell off the wagon. We needed groceries. The children were hungry. I needed to make a list to take to the market. I was alone in the house. I sneaked into my son’s room and ever so quietly, I booted up his PC, opened word pad, and began to type up my list. Suddenly something snapped.. I lost control of my fingers and somewhere between hamburger and cereal.. I wrote this article. I am weak, I am ashamed.. I am an addict.

Leeuna Foster is a Marketing Strategist, Author and Poet. She has been writing for two decades and her short fiction and poetry have won several national and regional awards. If you like Southern humor you can visit her website at: http://www.thebarefootchild.com