Fictions Galore

Writen by Robert Baird

FABULOUS: - Many ‘fabulous’ personages and concepts are created by man. Some are attempts to make sense of a confusing array of real things he doesn’t understand, others are created by those who would have us ‘believe’. The art of making others ‘believe’ what you want them to, is an art that developed over millions of years even if man is only modern for the last hundred thousand years. ‘As you believe so shall you do’ and fables which set early modes of relating to our environment in nursery rhymes and other equally ‘fabulous’ or fantastic histories. Revisionist history was definitely begun in earnest during the Babylonian and early Greek era. By the time of Alexander he was so convinced this art was achievable that he declared himself a divine creature and no longer just used the descended from divine or demi-god fiction. All knowledge was to become Hellenized or made to fit the needs of his Empire.

We have perfected this art against our ‘brothers’ and for the benefit of the few and their minions to the point that it requires a sincere willingness to courageously demonstrate independent thinking and questioning in the face of ridicule and worse. Little of what was believed in the last century is thought to be true today but that does not mean we are closer to the real truth. In fact we may have a more thoroughly manipulated image of our supposed reality than the 19th century elitists who wrote with some excitement about what could be.

The almighty dollar and the increasing social support network is a positive re-inforcer of mass behavior. B. F. Skinner was certainly a bad person for doing what he did to his daughter (keeping her in his attic, etc.) but he was the maven or guru of behavioral psychology and knew what society was headed towards and why; to an extent that his name was synonymous with the word behavior. He said the feudal ‘negative reinforcers’ like serfdom and whippings actually left a greater freedom for the masses than our great education from birth to grave. Taxes to provide the very controls which we are led to believe we want; might well be why Joseph Kennedy, Sr. (a true villain) told his kids the way to power was going to be in government as he prepared to buy the Presidency for Joe Jr., and eventually Jack.

There was no need to tell the truth when great fiction writers could be bought and the image of ‘Camelot’ and the Kennedy clan was created. We now know that Jackie was probably the world’s highest paid courtesan for her brief time spent with Onassis. A detailed look at their marriage agreement would amaze even the most jaundiced and cynical person. Arts and Entertainment did a decent documentary that showed some of the Chicago mob involvement in the making of what many still consider to be the best American President ever. Jack was a drug abuser and lecher who misused his fellow man in the image and model of his stock swindling drug or alcohol running parent. It isn’t so much what they did as how they manipulated the media. In Watergate everyone got to see Nixon try to do it on national TV every night for months. Still we think what we are told has some semblance of truth, or at least the majority of people do, as they follow the footsteps laid out for them.

FAINT-HEARTED: - The faint of heart include those who have serious causes and philanthropical intentions as well as the great unwashed. It is easy to hide oneself in the intensity of any number of issues while losing sight of the real underlying causes of all the concerns that permeate our great society. When we learn to avoid confrontation and begin to accept the polite purpose promulgated by peer pressure we lose perspective and actually support the prevailing ethic of deceit. In fact it is a good thing to share one’s thoughts about sex, religion and politics despite the taboos against such behavior.

Yes, it might not make you popular and it certainly puts you in some sticky situations; in the end if you go along with the game and take your piece of the action what might your karma be? Are we not responsible for what is happening at the hands of our collective governments because we participate in the apparent benefits and vote to maintain such frauds and guises of deceit? Why allow your children to be taught the lies of history? Why listen to the same tired clich

Fried Green Tomatoes Recipe

Writen by Robert Stofel

My next-door neighbors found a human bone in their backyard. Let me rephrase. She thinks she found a human bone. They were putting up a fence in their backyard. They’ve been digging and shoveling and leveling posts. I unloaded some boards to be a Mister-Rogers-kind-of-neighbor. And she was still talking about the human bone she’d shown me the day before.

I was walking down the driveway, and she called me over to look at the bone. “Don’t you think it’s a human bone?” she asked.

I put my foot on it and rolled it around, inspecting each side. It’s about the size of a small child’s bone. I took my foot off it and said in jest, “You should call the authorities. Tell them you found a human bone.”

We both stood over it, looking at it, concocting our own beliefs about the bone.

“You really think I should?” she asked. The whole scene had my neighbor talking in a high-pitched voice.

Now I’m not an expert on human bones. I’ve never set eyes on them. I saw a picture of them the other night on Desperate Housewives. Somebody cut that woman up and put her in that trunk that floated to the top in some lake on the set of the show. So this was a first for me. I could tell it was a bone. Some kind of a bone.

If it were me, I’d pitch the thing in the trash. I wasn’t ready to call Cold Case and have that blonde-headed chick come out to put us all under surveillance. Ask us twenty questions. “How long have you lived next door, Mr. Stofel?” Then she would investigate my boring life.

To pursue something like this is to invite too much drama into your life. They’ll bring in a backhoe. Close off my driveway. Keep me from getting any work done with all the noise going on outside my window. It just makes your backyard seem like a graveyard. Then you get to worrying about the house. You’ll start hearing footsteps on the boards or a heart beating beneath the floorboards like in that Edgar Allan Poe short story, “The Tell-Tale Heart.” Remember the story? The narrator kills the old man because his pale blue eye, like a vulture’s eye, is driving him insane. Everywhere he turns there’s that eye, until finally he can’t take it anymore. He inches his way into the old man’s room each night until he finally springs on the old man who shrieks. The narrator throws the mattress over him. Suffocating him. Waiting for his last heartbeat. It happens. Then he dismembers him, like that body in Desperate Housewives. He raises the three planks of the floor of the chamber. The old man is gone. Elation.

Then a knock upon the door. Three policeman stand at his door. A terrible shriek coming from his house has been reported. But the narrator fears nothing. He’s performed the perfect crime. He throws open the house. Slings his arms into every room. They are satisfied that it was indeed the narrator yelling in his sleep. The police pull up chairs and chat.

At first it’s exhilarating for the narrator. He’s getting away with murder. Then it gets old. They will not go away. And it isn’t because they are suspicious. They’re not. Just tired. Just feel like talking. But this is when the heart begins to beat beneath the three planks, up under the three policeman’s feet. But they cannot hear it, only the narrator hears the sound of the heart beating from beneath the three planks. He starts talking in a crazy, idiotic wayhis voice reaching crescendos. But the heart beats above the sound of his voice. Louder and louder. Until the man cannot stand it any longer. And he pulls up the boards and reveals the old man’s corpse.

The narrator shrieks, “Villains! . . . dissemble no more! I admit the deed!tear up the planks! here, here!It is the beating of his hideous heart!”

Maybe I’m taking my neighbor’s archeological dig too far. But it got me to thinking about Edgar Allan Poe and that zany story, and about how it bleeds into my story. I’m that way. Everything bleeds into a story for me. We are stories. You and I. Stories.

So, as I said, it got me to thinking about my own heart. How it was hidden beneath the floor, inside this skin and bones that the Apostle Paul calls “the old man.” That old sinful nature inside.

I thought about how my heart was the first thing to respond to God on that day in a 1,000-member church. And the wild thing isthe evangelist speaking that dayhe heard my heart. It must have been beating in his ears the way the heart beat in the ears of Poe’s narrator.

Louder and louder it thumped, as if a low-rider was sitting at the red light at the corner with the bass thumping against the moment. It beat in his ears until he couldn’t stand it anymore, and the evangelist shrieked, “Someone here; your heart is about to beat out of your chest. You need to get up and come down here to the altar and give your beating heart to Christ.” I can remember his words like a mantra, even after twenty-three years. Word for word. True story.

And it freaked me out. I was new to all of this church stuff. I went to church as a small child, but I can’t tell you anything about it. I can’t remember much before I was ten. But I can remember what that man said to me at the age of eighteen.

I could relate to him somewhere deep inside my soul, underneath the three planks of the chamber. My heart beat. It pounded. Louder and louder. So I jumped up, went down to the altar, and shrieked, “I am the one with the beating heart. Me, this heart. It beats. I did it.”

Of course, we are all guilty. We killed the most precious thing. The One thing. The One heart that took its last beat here, only to come back and beat inside everyone who listens. Louder and louder. And with each beat a new beginning for some poor soul whose heart has taken its last beat here, only to utter his first eternal hello there.

● ● ●

My wife told me Bonnie buried the bone a couple of weeks ago. Put it back in the ground behind her house. I figured that was the end of it. Then Lee called this week and said, “Go to your backdoor, Bonnie has something for you.”

So I did as told. I went to the backdoor and Bonnie was walking across the driveway we share. She had a basket with something inside. I could see right off that supper was mine. I even grinned. I just happened to be starving at the moment.

And she held out this basket with a good ole’ southern smile and said, “We had some extra barbeque ribs. It’s Lee’s secret recipe.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me! This will be a feast. Thank you.”

She smiled and turned to cross the driveway. And man, were they good! Succulent. I’d eat them every night of the week and die of hardened arteries. I wouldn’t care. I was so excited about receiving them that I even thought about becoming a Bo Bice fan.

Then I got to thinking about that bone she found in her backyard, the bone I was telling you about a couple of weeks ago. Well, I got to thinking maybe they’d cooked up some secret recipe all right. Secret meat that used to be on that bone she found. You know it happened in that movie, Fried Green Tomatoes. They killed that man, chopped him up, made barbeque out of him, and fed him to that Georgia detective, who told Big George that it was the best barbecue he’d ever eaten, and asked him what his secret was. And Big George smiled and said, “Thank you, suh, I’d have to say the secret’s in the sauce.”

And I was thinking, I hope they aren’t feeding me a dead person.

The neighbors even found a grave marker in the backyard to go along with the bone. No lie. First came the bone, and then this grave marker appeared. This is where they said the bone must’ve come from. Said it may have been a soldier in the Civil War. They had my attention. It was some kind of white stone with a rough texture. It had three initials on itW.C.P. I know because she had it leaning against the back of her house and called me over to look at it. Sure enough, it was a grave marker. And sure enough, it could be a Confederate soldier. General Hood, the Confederate general and full-time sot, took his men across the Tennessee River near Decatur on his way to get all those boys killed in the Battle of Franklin. So it could be a Civil War man. Or it could be they are setting me up. Making me think it was a Civil War man.

They could’ve bought that grave marker at a yard sale. She’s big into yard sales anyway. She bought a butcher’s block at a yard sale today. I saw her tugging on it, trying to get it out of the back of her truck. I just happened to be walking out the backdoor. I swear I don’t spy. I ain’t a nosy neighbor, but like I said, she was trying to lift it out of the truck, and when I asked her if she needed help she said, “Naw, I got it.” Then she said, “It’s a butcher’s block. I bought it at a yard sale for $3.00.”

I was thinking, That’s an awful big butcher’s block. She had both hands gripping it and she was straining a bit to carry it in the backdoor. I was also thinking, What’s she going to cut up? A whole cow? Then I remembered the bone and grave marker. It was all coming together. She’s Jeffery Dahmer’s sister or something. I pictured her in her kitchen with a detached arm on that butcher’s block. Freezer bags to the left of her and a knife in one hand, while the other hand on that arm’s hand. Then I remembered the ribs. I figured I’d just eaten somebody the other night while I watched my NASCAR race. Maybe that’s why, when I told them how good they were, she said, “Really?”

I said, “Oh, yeah. Best ribs I’ve ever sunk my teeth into.”

She said it again with this funny look on her face, she said, “Really? . . . Well, its Lee’s secret recipe.”

(Yeah, right.)

Now I’m not accusing anybody of anything. But I tell you what, if I catch her toting a body bag in through the backdoor, I’m gonna go over there and tell her to let me know when the ribs are ready. I’m like that Georgia detective in that Fried Green Tomatoes moviethat was the best barbecue ribs I’ve ever eaten, and I’ll eat’em again. I don’t care whose ribs they are. They some good eating as long as Lee can keep his secret.

PUBLICATIONS

1. God, Are We There Yet?: Learning to Trust God’s Direction for Your Life, a non-fiction book published by Cook Communications. ReleasedSeptember 2004. Sales thru November 20042,262.

2. God, How Much Longer?: Learning to Trust God’s Redirection for Your Life, a non-fiction book published by Cook Communications. Expected release dateSeptember 2005.

3. Survival Notes for Graduates: Inspiration for the Ultimate Journey - a devotional for graduates published by Ambassador Books. Release dateMarch 2004. Sales 7,500.

4. Survival Notes for Teens: Inspiration for the Emotional Journey - a devotional for students published by Ambassador Books. Release dateOctober 2004. Sales thru December 20043,500.

OTHER AWARDS AND PUBLICATIONS IN LITTLE MAGAZINES:

“Post-it Note from God at the Edge of Faulkner’s Yard,” -2000 Writer’s Digest Writing Competition Winner

“Post-It Note from God at the Edge of Faulkner’s Yard,” St. Anthony’s Messenger, which exposed his writing to an audience of 340,000.

“The Gene of Dysfunction,” Aura Literary Arts ReviewUniversity

Fancy Dress Parties

Writen by Ian Wide

Fancy dress parties have been around since for centuries and were particularly popular in Europe during the 16th and 17th centuries. Italy is particularly well known for contributing to the popularity of fancy dress parties. There, the masquerade ball reached frenzied proportions. By the time Queen Victoria took the throne much of Europe, especially England, had lost its appetite for masquerade but still had a keen interest in fancy dress parties. The Queen’s interest in literature, poetry and history had a tremendous impact on the themes for fancy dress parties throughout her long reign.

During a time when Europeans entertained often and lavishly, fancy dress parties were often called upon to break up the monotony of what might have been another otherwise boring social event. Almost any notable figure in history and literature was likely to spur the imaginations of fancy dress party guests. While characters from literature, especially the Shakespearean plays, remained popular choices for fancy dress parties throughout much of the century; a quest for increasingly unique and creative costumes began to appear.

Fancy dress parties were concentrated among those who could afford to devote the time and money to such lavish events; however that didn’t mean that a few peasants didn’t make their way onto the guest list. Throughout most of the 19th century there remained a keen interest in the less fortunate as the subject for possible fancy dress costumes. This interest was more likely than not spurred by the fact that peasant style costumes gave ladies the opportunity to step outside their normally rather strict social codes. While it would have been unthinkable to appear dressed in a ensemble that allowed too much cleavage or the ankles to show at any other event; much could be forgiven when inspired by fancy dress parties.

Concepts and ideas were also likely to appear in the form of costumes to be worn at fancy dress parties. Seasons and holidays were popular choices. Creativity allowed ladies to makeover costumes used for prior occasions to suit their whimsy for an upcoming fancy dress party. With just the addition of a few trimmings, an otherwise ordinary gown could be transformed into a representation of anything the lady wished.

Today fancy dress parties are not as popular as they were during the height of the Victorian era. The opportunity to dress as your favorite historical character, or any character for that matter, has unfortunately often been relegated to Halloween. Should you have an upcoming event to celebrate, or just want an excuse to get some friends together, why not consider throwing a good old fashioned fancy dress party? Chances are you have just the right ensemble in the back of your closet that can be reworked with a few embellishments to form the perfect costume.

Ian Wide writes for leisure and entertainment sites such as fancy dress parties.

Seeing Things From Different Perspectives

Writen by Anu Singh

Perceptual filters and flexibility

‘Perceptual filter’ is the label that is used to describe how we see the world. How we see the world is colored by our past experiences. We each have our own personal model of the world, which will have blind spots caused by these perceptual filters. It often pays to look at a situation from a different point of view or wider perspective in order to obtain greater understanding of what is going on.

Considering life from different perspective is clearly important for creativity and innovation. Exploring a problem or opportunity from a number of different perceptual positions enables us to move beyond our customary habits and perceptions, bringing wisdom to our interactions with others.

Perceptual Positions

These are the stances from which we think about a set of circumstances or a particular situation. The basic perceptual positions in communication relationships are:

1: ‘First position’ or ‘Self’- I

Being in your own skin, looking at the world through your own eyes, having you

point of view based on your own beliefs, assumptions and past experiences.

2: ‘Second position’ or ‘Other’ - You

Being in the ’shoes’ of the other person, looking at the world through his/her eyes

having his/her point of view based on his/her beliefs and assumptions as if you had

experienced his/her life

3: ‘Third position’ or ‘Observer’ - They

Being a detached observer of the relationship between you and the other person - like a fly on the wall, detached from the feeling of those involved in the situation.

4: ‘Fourth position’ or ‘Thinking vision of the system’ - We

Being part of a larger system, taking on the perspective of the whole system - ie department, organization or larger community.

Anu Singh

Ex-CIA; Good Chance He is Gay

Writen by Lance Winslow

Have you ever met someone who worked at the CIA or has retired from the CIA? Well if you have there is a good chance he is gay. Many people in the intelligence industry are homosexuals and many are very flagrant homosexuals although some are still closet homosexuals and you might not even know that if we did not tell you. But they if they tell you they use to work at the CIA there is a good chance they are homosexual or gay.

Some conspiracy theorists believe that over 80% percent of the people who work at the CIA are homosexuals, whereas others say it is only about 20 percent. But no matter what if you know someone who works at the CIA or is ex-CIA then they are probably gay.

When you meet someone who says they work at the CIA or has formerly worked at the CIA you must assume that they are automatically homosexuals and gay. I am not the only one who believes this, you would be surprised to how many people around Washington D.C. believe the same thing.

If you are homosexual there is a good chance you can get hired by the CIA and travel to foreign lands on taxpayers money and even get good benefits when you retire. Plus you will be able to screw many foreigners in more ways that one. It is great that homosexuals have a place in our government? This proves we are a non-biggot nation and that our government is equal opportunity employer for homosexuals. Consider this in 2006 especially if you are gay.

Lance Winslow

Can You Dig It

Writen by Leeuna Foster

Erma Bombeck made it look so easy. So do Dave Barry, Patrick McManus and a host of other great humorists. But despite the ease with which they make us laugh, writing humor is tough. Humor is also subjective. What might cause one person to fall off their chair laughing might make another person groan and stop reading, or worse yet, it might even make them angry. (That’s the funny thing about humor, not everyone has a sense of it.)

Most humor writers are relatively happy people. They are well adjusted and they have learned to take the bad things in life and find a little humor in them. That is no small task and it keeps getting more difficult as time goes by. We wring our hands over global warming, a hole in the ozone, and cellulite. Gasoline prices keep soaring, The Bush Administration’s popularity keeps lowering and job security is about as easy to find as a needle in a haystack. Some days, life just seems to hit the fan and there is no humor left… It disappeared with our government health benefits.

Today was that way. I awakened with a terrible case of PMS (Plotting My Story), my dog gave me flea-bite-us, the rain kept pouring down…inside the house… through a hole in the roof. One of the arms fell off the sofa, the kids broke another window, and some moron kept calling my cell phone trying to order a pizza. After several attempts to convince him that “No this is NOT Pizza Hut,” I gave up and took his order.

Through it all, I kept up a brave attempt at writing a humor piece on time management. I rattled my brains, trying to shake loose a few witticisms, while visions of pizza and chocolate cream filled donuts danced in my head.

I have tried to ignore the slight overhang around my chair and the way my jeans are pinching my waistline. Still I keep hearing that ugly four-letter word “diet”! It buzzes in my ear like the announcement of a blue-light special at K-Mart.

I swore off dieting six months ago. After two months of eating nothing but weeds and roots, I gave up one night, fell to my knees upon the kitchen floor, threw down the radish I was gnawing on and raised my fist in the air. In my best Southern accent I proclaimed “As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again!”

Why do I need hip bones anyway? I’m over forty - finally! (It takes a while for a woman to get over turning forty). However, when I looked in the mirror this morning, my reflection gave a whole new meaning to the term gross anatomy. A shock such as this is bound to wipe away one’s last vestige of humor. This would have been a good time for a reality check, but mine got lost in the mail.

“Life stinks,” I said aloud to no one in particular. “What’s funny about that?” I decided to throw myself a sorrow soiree and go for a walk in the rain. I grabbed my umbrella and stomped out the door.

As I walked in the rain, splashing through mud puddles and thoroughly soaking my tennis shoes, a car approached from the opposite direction. Just then a squirrel scurried from a tree and into the street. The driver swerved toward me to avoid hitting the squirrel. I dived for the curb just in time to avoid the tires, but not the spray of water. The squirrel stopped only long enough to give me a scornful look, then he was gone. This was the proverbial straw. I sat down on the sodden sidewalk, put my chin in my hands and burst into laughter. Yes…laughter. that seemed the only logical thing to do.

I sat there for awhile pondering the ways of life and finally things began to take focus. No matter how bad a situation seems at the time, it could always be a lot worse. Perhaps it is this philosophy that helps the great humor writers of today, continue to make us laugh. Perhaps they posses a more profound understanding of human nature. Even though we may think laughter has deserted us, we can always find another chuckle or two buried somewhere beneath the anxiety and stress of daily life.

Often we just need to dig a little deeper to find the humor in life. So what, if we may need to use a backhoe sometimes?

We’ll find it if we just keep digging.

Leeuna Foster has been writing for two decades. Her fiction and poetry have won several awards. She is also a regular contributer to StoryTime Tapestry and a syndicated columnists. Her latest book, Hangin’ With the Rednecks is now available in print or in ebook form. Visit her website http://www.southernfriedwriters.com for details on how to purchase your copy…don’t wait for the movie!

This Song Won’t Be Turned Into a Dance

Writen by Greg Gagliardi

Earlier today I was driving behind a truck with one of those “How’s my driving?” stickers posted on it. Underneath the sticker, of course, was a phone number so that people can call. I decided that I’d like one of these stickers so that people in cars behind mine can initiate conversations about my driving. That’s because I’m an idiot and I think that most of the cars on the road have good drivers inside them…

Speaking of idiots, I’ve been tempted to call one of those dandelion-elimination companies I keep seeing commercials for on television. You know, the ones that sell some high-powered product that actually kills — yes, kills — all the dandelions on a lawn. My question is, are dandelions really that hard to kill without one of these products? I’m no powerhouse, but give me a few minutes to rip one out of the grass and I will do it like a real champion. In fact, rather than paying a company to do it, or buying a product, I think I might open my own solo business where I will come to people’s houses and start ripping out dandelions like there was no tomorrow…

And if there is a tomorrow, then I’m really in luck because that means that I can keep ripping out dandelions and charging people money for it…

Eventually, I wonder if there will ever come a time when it is officially noted that tomorrow doesn’t exist. At first that would be scary: most people would run all over trying to do things one final time, and saying goodbye to everyone before it is too late. I, on the other hand, would take at least an hour to make as many dinner reservations for tomorrow as possible. What’s the worst that could happen? There is a tomorrow after all and I have to end up eating a lot of meals. I can deal with that…

I think we’ll truly know there is no tomorrow when pop radio stations stop turning rock songs into dance tracks. This usually happens on the weekends, where I can’t surf the airwaves without hearing a great song butchered by an added drumbeat and a changed tempo. The worst is that there is no safe song, it seems — anything can be turned into dance. Until now. Here is a song I’d like to record for the sole reason of knowing it will never turn into a dance track or be played at proms:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, so this song stinks.

But it will never be a dance song.

Seriously, if you are listening to this and it’s dance,

You will instantly die.

This is no joke.

This better not be a dance song right now,

Or you will die.

And so will everyone else.

It’s a little sad, but the message is clear. That’s the same statement I made about writing a book with ice cubes…

But I digress.

Greg Gagliardi is a teacher and writer. His stream-of-consciousness weekly humor column, “Progressive Revelations,” has been ongoing since 1998. (http://www.ProgressiveRevelations.com)

English Literature - William Shakespeare - Coriolanus

Writen by Ian Mackean

Who is to blame for Coriolanus’s banishment?

In William Shakespeare’s Coriolanus, Coriolanus’s banishment is the climax of a series of events in which several forces play a part, all pushing him towards his inevitable downfall. As is usual in Shakespearean Tragedy, the hero, at the peak of his achievements, falls, due to a fatal flaw in his character. Coriolanus ’s flaw is his arrogant pride and lack of temperance, and his fall is great, from national hero to outcast.

A particular feature of this play is that Shakespeare has shown us how the hero’s character came to be flawed. We see that the flaw has its roots in the family and society which moulded his personality. This insight does not enable us to excuse Coriolanus for his behaviour, but it does prevent us from presenting a simple black and white case on the question of who is to blame for his downfall.

In Coriolanus’s Rome the citizens fall roughly into two categories, the patricians and the plebeians. The two factions are seen to coexist in a state of more or less mutual antagonism, with stability being maintained by a willingness to compromise on both sides.

Coriolanus does not fit in with his society. His valour places him above the plebeians, and his lack of politic sense places him outside to the circle of patricians. He cannot understand the concepts of expediency and respect necessary for the maintenance of a stable society by its authorities. He naively sees society in simplistic terms of good patricians, and bad plebeians.

In soothing them, we nourish ‘gainst our senate The cockle of rebellion, insolence, sedition, Which we ourselves have plough’d for, sow’d, and scattered. (111.1.68)

Coriolanus’s flaw is his pride, his insistence on voicing his opinions regardless of the consequences, and the narrow-mindedness which makes him immune to change. He firmly believes that the duty of every Roman male is to achieve valour, and valour is the only virtue he recognises. It is his single-minded determination that has led to his success, but it also leads him to hate and despise all those who, in his view, fail to live up to their duty:

The idea of ‘countrymen’ means little or nothing to him. Though he seems to be fighting for Rome, it is as a personal ideal, or symbol, and he holds his fellow Romans in utter contempt. They are an insignificant rabble to him, and he makes little distinction between them and the enemy.

It is not the fact that he holds these opinions, however, that seals his doom, it is the fact that he cannot refrain from voicing them vehemently in public on every possible occasion. He insists on acting in this way, against the good advice, to dissemble, from Menenius and his mother, even when his life is at stake.

From the point of view of Roman society there is no one to blame but Coriolanus himself. As illustrated by Menenius’s story of the body and its parts (1.1.95 - ), the motif of the play, the harmonious operation of the community is the criterion by which the actions of its individuals must be judged. By this criterion, although the military service Coriolanus has done for Rome is undeniably great, it is also undeniable that he is likely to do a great deal of harm to the living fabric of the society. On this point, Sicinius and Menenius, representatives of the two factions of society, cannot help but agree:

Sicinius: He’s a disease that must be cut away.

Menenius: Oh, he’s a limb that has but a disease. (111.1.292)

In terms of the action of the play, therefore, we must appoint blame primarily to Coriolanus himself for his arrogance and open display of hatred, and secondarily to the spiteful jealousy of the tribunes, and the indecision and gullibility of the plebeians.

The play gives us, however, evidence of the causes behind human character. Through the character of Coriolanus’s mother, and the nature of Roman society itself, we can see why Coriolanus is the way he is. We can note the influence of Roman society itself in its upholding valour as a high virtue. This is seen in the eagerness of the patricians to praise him for his supreme soldiership.

If I should tell thee o’er this thy day’s work,

Thou’t not believe thy deeds: but I’ll report it,

Where senators shall mingle tears with smiles

. . . ladies shall be frighted . . . the dull tribunes

That with the fusty plebeians hate thine honours,

Shall say against their hearts, ‘We thank the gods

Our Rome hath such a soldier’. (1.1X.1)

But this social influence will be common to all Roman families and sons, and cannot be responsible for the extreme nature of Coriolanus’s character. Far more important an influence has been his mother. Volumina has brought him up of with only one aim in mind; to make him a great soldier:

When yet he was but tender bodied . . . when for a day of Kings’ entreaties, a mother should not sell him an hour from her beholding . . . To a cruel war I sent him, from whence he returned, his brows bound with oak. I tell thee daughter, I sprang of not more in joy at first hearing he was a man-child, than now in first seeing he had proved himself a man.

Virgilia: But had he died in the business, madam, how then?

Volumina: Then his good report should have been my son. (1.111.5)

We have a further insight into the way Coriolanus’s character has been formed from an early age through Valeria’s report of young Martius, Coriolanus’s son, over whom, no doubt, Volumina has had huge influence.

Valeria: I saw him run after a gilded butterfly, and when he caught it, he let it go again, and after it again, and over and over he comes, and up again, catched it again . . . he did so set his teeth and tear it. Oh, I warrant how he mammocked it! (1.111.60)

We can feel sympathy for Coriolanus when he says:

I muse my mother

Does not approve me further, who was wont

To call them woollen vassals, things created

To buy and sell with the groats, . . .

Why did you wish me milder? Would you have me

False to my nature? Rather say I play

The man I am. (111.11.7)

This insight makes the question of who is to blame much less clear-cut, and perhaps even meaningless.

The problem for Rome is essentially a practical one, of how to ensure self-preservation, and all the insight and understanding in the world would not lessen the necessity of taking steps against Coriolanus.

Copyright Ian Mackean. Read the full version of this essay at: http://www.literature-study-online.com/essays/coriolanus.html

Smokin’ - How to Get Rich in Tobacco

Writen by Jack Wilson

The best way for tobacco companies to improve their revenues is to target teen-agers. This is not because teen-agers are easily addicted but because their brains are still being developed. If they can get teen-agers to develop a a positive mind-set about smoking, they will have customers for life.

So you need to find out what would attract teen-agers to smoking and help the company of your choice create a really effective ad campaign.

What most interests teen-agers? Studies indicate that the three most important motivators for teen-agers are sex, rebellion and koala bears.

Simple: Design a campaign featuring a really sexy cartoon koala bear in a really sexy Speedo brandishing a really long cigarette and a sneer.

Call it Kool Koala. Make ads in which Kool Koala offs his parents, burns the flag and has sex in a hot-air balloon. Awesome!

Have artists create Kool Komix in which Kool swings through the bamboo with koala chicks clinging to his thighs, smoking your client’s brand.

As your program progresses, have Kool grow up slowly, eventually becoming governor of California. Then, of course, bring in Son of Kool for the next generation of youngsters eager to be as cool as Kool.

Develop action figures of Kool, his son, the chicks, and evil parents. Make a deal with battery companies to sponsor the start-up for manufacturing. You can either keep the rights for yourself or sell them to the tobacco company.

Make an animated feature film with Kool as a misunderstood superhero fighting tyranny everywhere. Teens will translate that as fighting mean parents and it will be a blockbuster. Release it in summer.

Why shouldn’t you make a bundle? You’re just as good as the tobacco companies aren’t you? I expect 10% of your gross. Meet me in the smoking section of the underground garage of the Hyatt Regency in San Francisco at midnight, New Year’s eve, whatever year you get this put together. Come alone.

————————————

Jack Wilson is a recovering smoker in Phoenix.

http://www.geocities.com/galimatio/jackwilson.html

Winter Wonderland Trivia Quiz

Writen by Deanna Mascle

1. Which is NOT a fact about winter in the animal kingdom?
A. Some species of domesticated dog turn white in the winter.
B. Mountain goats with their luxurious 3-inch long winter coats can endure winter temperatures as low as minus 50 degrees Fahrenheit and powerful winds up to 100 mph.
C. The male moose sheds its antlers every winter and grows a new set the following year.
D. The weasel and the ermine are the same animal. The only difference is the brown coat of the weasel turns white in the winter when it is known as an ermine.

A. Some species of domesticated dogs turn white in the winter.
FTO: At least as far as The QuizQueen knows this isn’t true.

2. Which flying creature fact is true?
A. The Rufous, a species of Hummingbird, nests in Alaska and migrates miles to Mexico each winter and then back to Alaska in the spring.
B. Many species of butterfly fly south for the winter just like many birds.
C. None
D. Both

D. Both
FTO: I wouldn’t have expected to find Hummingbirds in Alaska either!

3. Ice fog is a winter weather phenomenon. Which fact is NOT related to this event?
A. It frequently occurs in Alaska.
B. It frequently occurs in Maine.
C. It glitters in sunlight and is colorfully known as diamond dust.
D. It contains minute ice particles.

B. It frequently occurs in Maine.
FTO: OK, maybe some Maine resident can prove me wrong, but it wasn’t listed among MY facts.

4. Did you know that human hair grows at different rates for different times of day and year? For example, it speeds up in the morning, slows down in the afternoon, and speeds up again in the evening. What is the rate of growth in the winter?
A. Slower than summer.
B. Faster than summer.
C. The same as in summer.
D. The same all year round because the QuizQueen is making this up.

A. Slower than summer.
FTO: Gee, did you really think The QuizQueen would make up such a silly question?

5. During the winter, winds seem to bite through you with cold. Can you pick out the true windy phenomenon?
A. The Bora is a violent cold north wind in the Adriatic.
B. The Mistral is a strong cold dry north wind that blows during the winter in Rhone Valley, France.
C. The Puna is a cold dry wind that blows in Peru.
D. The Williwaw is a sudden strong cold wind off-shore from mountains in Alaska and Canada.

Trick question, they are all winds!
FTO: They were such fun names I couldn’t choose and so went with them all.

6. Can you pick out the FALSE nor’easter fact?
A. This is the coastal warm front storm which typically strikes New England in February when warm moist air picked up from the tropics moves north up the coast and meets a mass of polar air from Eastern Canada and the North Atlantic which is moving south.
B. A nor’easter is created when a mass of warm air hits a mass of cold air somewhere in the vicinity of Cape Cod.
C. The winds of a nor’easter blow so strong and fierce that even when snow falls it does not accumulate.
D. When warm air moves up and over a layer of cold air, a nor’easter is created and snow crystals form and fall. If the storm moves quickly, cold rain or snow will fall for six to eight hours. If the warm air stalls against a high pressure wall, the snowfall may last 12-24 hours or even longer.

C. The winds of a nor’easter blow so strong and fierce that even when snow falls it does not accumulate.
FTO: I imagine there are plenty of people who WISH this were true.

7. In 1888, the United States experienced one of the worst recorded blizzards. Which Blizzard of ‘88 fact was made up by The QuizQueen?
A. On March 11, 1888, a nor’easter stalled over New York City and dumped 21 inches of snow with 70 mph gusts piling snow into 20-foot drifts which marooned New Yorkers in elevated trains, carriages, and office buildings.
B. The Blizzard of 1888 was completely invented by The QuizQueen and in fact no snow fell that winter in northeast America except in trace amounts.
C. The 1888 blizzard extended from Maine to Washington, D.C., and from New York to Pittsburgh. The storm stalled for a day and a half. In Connecticut and central Massachusetts, between 40 and 50 inches of snow fell. Winds piled it into 40 to 50 foot drifts which buried houses and trains.
D. From Chesapeake Bay to Nantucket, 200 ships were sunk or severely damaged. In 1888, 400 lives were lost, a tragedy that modern weather forecasting has spared us.

B. The Blizzard of 1888 was completely invented by The QuizQueen and in fact no snow fell that winter in northeast America except in trace amounts.
FTO: This was pretty serious stuff.

8. Do you know why 1816 was called “The Year Without Summer?” Are all these facts true, or is one false?
A. During June and July Connecticut experienced a rare summer blizzard and snow and sleet fell in Danville, Vermont.
B. While unseasonably frigid summer temperatures brought crop failures all over New England, Massachusetts had snow flurries.
C. Savannah, Georgia, had a high temperature of only 46 degrees Fahrenheit on July 4.
D. The eruption of the Tambora volcano in Java the previous year spewed dust and ash into the atmosphere and caused the unusually cold summer of 1816.

All true.
FTO: Pretty weird, huh?

9. Which United States city has the coldest winter temperature on average?
A. Mt. Washington, New Hampshire
B. Kotzebue, Alaska
C. Helena, Montana
D. Barrow, Alaska

D. Barrow, Alaska
FTO: Although none of these places are too balmy in the winter! Just imagine an average temperature of 4.1 degrees Fahrenheit.

10. On average, one inch of rain is equivalent to how many inches of snow?
A. 1
B. 5
C. 10
D. 12

C. 10
FTO: Results can vary, but that’s the average, according to The QuizQueen’s weather sources.

11. How much do you know about snow? Which snow fact is true?
A. It must be 32 degrees Fahrenheit or colder for it to snow.
B. It must be 0 degrees Fahrenheit or colder for it to snow.
C. It cannot snow from clear skies.
D. The temperature of snow clouds must be 32 degrees Fahrenheit or colder for snow to form.

D. The temperature of snow clouds must be 32 degrees Fahrenheit or colder for snow to form.
FTO: It can be warmer on the ground and you don’t even need clouds to snow. Doesn’t seem fair, really.

12. Test your snowflake knowledge and pick out the incorrect answer.
A. Snowflakes comes in several basic shapes, hexagonal plates, stellar crystals, columns, needles, and graupel.
B. No two snowflakes are exactly alike.
C. Snowfall levels are categorized into flurries, showers, squalls, blowing snow, and blizzards.
D. It can be too cold to snow.

D. It can be too cold to snow.
FTO: It can never be too cold to snow although it usually doesn’t snow very heavily when temperatures fall really low.

13. How advised are you about winter weather advisories? Is one of these false?
A. A blizzard warning means snow and strong winds will combine to produce blinding snow with near zero visibility, deep drifts, and life-threatening wind chill.
B. The difference between a winter storm watch and a winter storm warning is that severe winter conditions have begun when a winter storm warning is issued.
C. A winter weather advisory is when weather causes severe conditions that are inconvenient and may be hazardous, especially for motorists.
D. A frost-freeze warning means that temperatures are expected to fall below zero degrees Fahrenheit and may cause significant damage to plants, crops, or fruit trees.

D. A frost-freeze warning means that temperatures are expected to fall below zero degrees Fahrenheit and may cause significant damage to plants, crops, or fruit trees.
FTO: Well, yeah, but they don’t usually issue warnings about that do they, they only bother when it is nearing 32 degrees Fahrenheit, right?

14. The National Weather Service defines “heavy snow” as:
A. Snowfall that accumulates 6 or more inches in 12 hours or 8 or more inches in 24 hours.
B. Wet snow.
C. Thundersnow.
D. None of these answers is right, The QuizQueen must not know.

A. Snowfall that accumulates 6 or more inches in 12 hours or 8 or more inches in 24 hours.
FTO: Don’t you just love the term thundersnow? The QuizQueen will send some your way if you guessed “D.”

15. Which U.S. city has the highest average snowfall?
A. Stampede Pass, Washington
B. Valdez, Alaska
C. Mt. Washington, New Hampshire
D. Watertown, New York

A. Stampede Pass, Washington
FTO: 440.3 inches! Yipes, even for someone who grew up in the snow belt that is depressing to think about.

16. Which U.S. city has the coldest record temperature?
A. Mt. Washington, New Hampshire
B. Glasgow, Montana
C. Nome, Alaska
D. McGrath, Alaska

D. McGrath, Alaska
FTO: -75, can you even imagine? Mt. Washington is the warmest with its record low of only -47 degrees Fahrenheit.