Sample Market Headlines CNBC Style

Writen by Walter Underhill

9:35 AM: “Market Rallies On Open on Strong Belwether CSCO Earnings”

11:00AM: “Stocks Lower After Investors Realize CSCO Hasn’t Been A Bellwether in 3 Years”

12:15 PM: “Stocks Fall Even Lower As Dingbat Flies Private Plane Near White House”

12:35 PM: “Stocks Stabilize As Market Realizes This is Just One of the 496 False Rumors that is Exclusively Reported on Financial Presses - See “Suspicious Package” Headlines From the Last 9 Months.

12:45 PM: “Bin Laden Captured AGAIN.But Sources Say There Was A Hole In the Net, AGAIN”

1:05 PM: “That Zarqawi Guy Captured Too, Or At Least Someone That Looks Like Him.”

1:25 PM: “Crude Oil Falls, Wall Street Cheers, “Time To Take Some ROADTRIPS!”

1:30 PM: “Stocks On A Tear with great CSCO Earnings and Cheap Oil In Mind”

1:45:PM “CORRECTION: Stocks Down on the Day As CSCO Earnings Disappoint and Crude Oil Ticks Back Up 45 Cents”

1:50 PM: “CORRECTION - Strike 1:45 PM Headline from the record and please refer to 1:30 PM Comment”

2:05 PM: “Bush To Sign $432 Billion War Spending Bill as Treasure Chest of Mystery Money Appears on Capitol Hill”

2:25 PM: “FOLLOW-UP: Private Plane From Earlier Said To Have Delivered Treasure Chest To D.C. Coffers”

2:26:PM: “Market Spikes Higher As Investors Impressed With The Vigilance Of U.S. Homeland Security Efforts Earlier.”

2:30 PM: “It’s 2:30 Everyone.”

2:45 PM: “re: The Bush War Spending Plan: “Sources Say That the Homeless Must Be F****@@d Now.”

3:00:PM “Pakistan Says They Have Isolated Bin Laden to a 5 Mile area in Southeastern Pakistan. Story First Reported 3

Sanskrit and Tocharian

Writen by Robert Baird

The Tarim Basin and Turkmenistan areas are exciting discoveries I have dealt with in many other books. Tocharian is related to Luwian and it is even possible that Luwian (Crete) script is on the stones at 2200 feet below the surface of the Gulf of Mexico according to side scan sonar pictures of that most important and yet to be visited site. Crete and Tarim connections are all over the world and I hope this little portion of some linguist’s work is helpful to my readers.

“The Tocharian is one of the recently discovered Indo-European languages (at the beginning of the XX century) in texts coming from Chinese Turkestan. Such texts were easy to decipher, because of their being written in a variant of the Braahmii alphabet (one of the three Sanskrit alphabets, the alphabet currently used is called Devanaagarii), and also, because they were all translations of known Buddhist scriptures.

Lately, the British specialist W. N. Henning suggested that the Tocharian people were the Gutian ones (or something like that, very difficult to translate), which are mentioned (in Akkadian, a Semitic language) on some cuneiform inscriptions of Babylon. Those inscriptions are a bit more than 4000 years old, when the king Sargon was raising up the first great Mesopotamian empire. If the Henning’s opinions are right, then, the Tocharian people would be the first Indo-European people appearing in the historical documents of the Near East. Lexical likeness among Tocharian and Italian-Celtic languages proves that the inhabitants belonging to both of linguistic families shared the Indo-European homeland before the Tocharian people undertook their emigration toward the East.

Nowadays the diverse paths followed by the human migrations and the linguistic transformation can be traced to the extent of reaching the Indo-European protolanguage in its own homeland. The aforesaid tracing is possible as a result of the review of phonological canons. When the consonantal system of the European protolanguage was revised, the ways of transformation which produce the historical Indo-European languages were put in doubt too. According to recent investigations, the reconstruction of the protolanguage’s consonants shows it is more similar to the Germanic, Armenian and Hittite languages than to those of the Sanskrit branch. These findings reverse the classic conception that the sound system of the Germanic, Armenian and Hittite languages would have gone through a continuous alteration, while the original sound system had been conserved faithfully in Sanskrit.

Linguistics was born from the study of the superfamily of Indo-European languages (about half of the world’s population has an Indo-European language as mother tongue). During the last two centuries, the linguists have rebuilt the vocabulary and syntax of the Indo-European protolanguage. Early investigations located its origin in Europe. Those investigations indicated migratory routes by which the daughter tongues would have developed till they grouped in two well defined branches: Eastern and Western.

Here we can see the different migrations. There are three Eastern branches: toward Central Asia, India and Iran. There are mainly two Western branches: one going directly toward Greece and the other surrounding the Caspian Sea. This surrounding branch has given rise to the most of Western languages.” (6)

Casiberia and the city (Iberia) now called Tiflis are central to the genetic coming of the white people as well as all the Iberian corporate enterprises of the De Danaan and Phoenicians whose Hittite/Hatti and Berber/Stuart or other elite families include the Benjaminites like Joseph of Arimathaea. It is widely accepted that the Phoenicians gave all peoples of the Mediterranean their alphabets but even more than that is true if you go back further to Ogham and the runic fupark which is a central symbol in Old European as I have shown in a book called From Om to Ogham.

Author of many books available at Lulu and World-Mysteries.com

Husband Gripes from the Past

Writen by Marge Holley

My husband, the modern man, wouldn’t dream of doing anything the old-fashioned, cheap way. I, on the other hand, hold out until all else fails before I spend a dime. It’s amazing that we ever agree on anything. Do we? Yes. I save money and he spends it. I think that means we complement each other.

A few weeks ago I took a shovel and dug a thistle, root and all, out of the lawn after it attacked my bare foot. Mr. Modern came unglued. “Don’t dig a hole in the lawn!” He drove to town, spent eighty dollars on weed killer, drove home, mixed it up, and went over and sprayed a thistle. After about a week, the weed and surrounding vegetation shriveled up and died. Then I took my shovel and dug up the dead weed, root and all, and threw it into the fire barrel. Enough said.

In the morning paper, I always read the obituaries first. If my name isn’t there, I go to work. If I ever see me name. I’ll lie back down. I also check for my friend, Linda. Then i call her and tell her to go to work. One morning she moaned, “Are you sure? Please check again. I can’t feel this bad and still be alive.”

Marge has written two humor books, Have I Ever Told You How Much I Hate People? Written by Two Little Old Ladies With No Friends and Granny’s Journal. That Little Old Lady is back! She is a library director in a small town in the Northwest and just turned 62 in 2006. She has five children and fourteen grandchildren.

Aye, Capt’n Bush, ‘Tis Not Only The Storm But The Navigation

Writen by Tom Attea

“What a night to be at sea!” shouted brave Captain Bush into the rain-slashed, wind-whipped Middle Easter that had suddenly come upon The Good Ship USA.

“Yar, yar, ya got that right, Cap’n,” returned his faithful and once jocund first mate, Rummy, now hunkered down as he, too, braved the ceaseless wrath of the oncoming tempest.

Just then yet another mountain-size wave, black as the turban of a radical Muslim cleric, upturned and dumped its chilling contents on the creaking deck. The ship heaved under the impact, and even sure-footed Rummy lurched off balance. He quickly grabbed for Captain Bush’s arm, which was stalwartly clenched on the rebellious wheel.

“Careful, mate!” the captain cautioned.

“Aye, it’s a slippery deck, sir,” Rummy returned. “More slippery than I’ve seen in all me born days! And worse news yet!”

“What’s that, mate?”

“The crew, sir, is threatenin’ mutiny.”

“Mutiny, you say?” Captain Bush asked, squinting with intense concern.

“Yar, sir, I’ve heard mention of it.”

“Do you think they need a talkin’ to?”

“Well, Cap’n Bush, I’m afeard they had enough of talkin’ to. Their ears is overstuffed. They’re upset, sir, mighty upset!”

“But, mate, certainly they know I didn’t ask for the storm to come upon us? It just came howling down out of the blue.”

“Yar, yar, sir, they know that but,” Rummy dared to mention, “there’s scuttlebutt you took the wrong route through it.”

“No, Rummy, no, don’t they understand? I had no choice! Suddenly, the storm was there and mine only to respond.”

“Aye, it did indeed afflict us. And yet they say we could a takin’ safer passage.” Then he offered a bit of consolation. “Well, sir, ya steered us as your best lights told ya. And that’s all a fragile, dumbstruck man can do.” Then he lamented, “As Cap’n Blood said in the old movin’ picture, ‘Faith, ’tis an uncertain world entirely.’”

“Aye, and faith it is, mate. But I’ll tell ye, I done right, Rummy, I did. And never doubt me when I say safe harbor’s just beyond the cursed wind and waves.”

“Yes, sir, but if ya don’t mind me broachin’ the subject, just now the prospect a safe harbor seems a tad unlikely.”

“I understand, mate. And I respect disagreement, even if it does bestir me innards. I myself wish I had a better angle on the storm. It would make my weekends as a landlubber in Texas more pleasant. But finally, Rummy, loyalty. I do expect loyalty.”

“Ya got that, sir, every last ounce me briny body and wit-quick mind can give ye.”

“Good, Rummy. Hate to think a you gettin’ rambunctious on me, too. Aye, but, in confidence, whoever thought the storm would rage as it has?”

“‘Tis the very devil of a tempest-tossed time, Cap’n. Why, and look there, sir. That cloud that’s just blown over the bow. Why, it has the very face of Osama bin Laden, blowin’ up the wind like Neptune gone Mad Hatter!”

“Pay no mind, pay no mind, Rummy! The frightful and unnatural monster will be blown to an airy nothingness in time, as all clouds, filled with nothing but rain on my bonny ship, must.”

“Aye, sir, and the next moment’s not soon enough. Yet I doubt the fiber of the crew, sir.”

“Mutineers, ya figure?”

“Many a one, sir, I’m afeard to say.”

“I need time, Rummy, time to get us through this hellish night of cloudy climes and starless skies.”

“But how much time, sir? I myself have already endured their rough talk.”

“Don’t worry, Rummy, I’ll stand by you.”

“Much appreciated, Cap’n. And yet November’s on the way.”

“Aye, you’re on spot about that.”

“I hear tell the crew at large may be plannin’ something for then, sir. What should we do?”

“There’s only one choice. We have to convince ‘em we have no choice.”

“No other choice at all, sir?”

“Look ahead! Do you see a way out of this terrorizin’ typhoon but straight ahead, into its oncomin’ fury?”

“Not I, Cap’n. Why, if even a bright light such as you can’t, how might a poor grain a sea salt like me?”

“Or anyone, Rummy! Let the mutineers, if they will, take the wheel. Dems or rebs more our own ilk! Let all that dare. Where can the sodden blokes steer I haven’t?”

“Point sharp as Ahab’s harpoon, Cap’n, but they might want a go at it nevertheless. It’s a powerful appealin’ thing to take the wheel, sir, and devil take the outcome. But, yo, look, sir, over there!”

“Where?”

“On the port side. Sea monsters!”

“Monsters, in this day and age?”

“I’m afreard so, sir, and deadly serpentine ones. Why, look at that un! It’s got two heads - one that’s the very spittin’ image of al-Zawahiri and the other lookin’ for all the world like Mullah Omar!”

“Whiskers like ‘em both, too.”

“And there, sir, on the leeward. A sea serpent with an aspect very much the unmanageable image of Ahmadinejad!”

“Aye, and sly like him, too. A creature of frightful mien. Watch him slither and curl on the treacherous waves.”

“Yar, yar, and lookee there, sir, lurkin’ just behind that oncomin’ immensity, sprung from the very depths a Davy Jones’ locker, one with a patient, calculatin’ aspect like al-Sadr.”

“Sink, monster, sink into the fathomless, sandy-bottomed sea!”

“Treacherous waters we’re in, Cap’n. Mighty treacherous and tryin’ of a man’s self-reflectin’ soul.”

“Yar, yar,” Captain Bush replied, and slipped a bit himself. Righting his wrenched body, he pointed to his feet, and commented, “And tryin’ of the soles of a man’s shoes, too. But we can’t just surrender to the damnable storm. That’d be the wreck of all our hopes - with an Iraq left behind.”

“You’re right, Cap’n. No choice, now. Can’t go back. But beware the tides of November.”

“Aye, that’s a month to try a man’s soul as well as the soles of his shoes. Just remember, Rummy, November or any other month a the year, straight ahead. Into the waves, mate, onto whatever awaits us in the dark and dangerous unknown. Here, in the thick a the storm, we got no other choice.”

“Still, sir, as I ventured afore, there are them that says our troubles is due, not only to the storm, but the navigation. “

“Yar, yar, in hindsight over blind-site. Afore then who knew a Middle Easter like this would be awaitin’ innocent, right-minded us?” Then he raised a hand against his tempest-tossed destiny. Vanish, clouds! Sink, monsters! Let me steer The Good Ship USA handily into port.”

“Straight ahead then, Cap’n, as yer lights tell ya,” Rummy agreed. “At least, till November brings what it might.”

“Aye, November. A month a fearsome challenges. Why, the very thought of it rattles me very bones.”

“And only weeks away!”

“No choice, Rummy. Just remember, no other choice available to us. Or havoc, mate, havoc will rain down upon us and all those aboard this selfsame ship.”

“Yar, yar, sir. But a saving grace.”

“What’s that, mate? I could use a grace by any name.”

“After November’s trials and tribulations, can Thanksgivin’ be far behind?”

“Aye, and thanks for that! I can’t wait to forgive this year’s fortune-graced turkey - as I hope to be forgiven in the same month as well.”

“Aye, and if I had a keg I’d raise a toast with ye to Thanksgivin’ and better days ahead. Now, onward into the waves once more, brave Cap’n Bush.”

“Yar and, though port’s afar, I know that somewhere over the rainbow is an emerald sea and smooth sailin’.”

Then onward, Cap’n, onward to it!”

“And remember, Rummy. We have no choice. The storm’s to blame.”

“And not the route?”

“Never the route, mate. The storm, Rummy, blame the storm. Make that din and our misadventure might yet win.”

So on the determined duo heaved, against the darkly rising, toppling cliffs of the watery main, while safe harbor - which captain, mate, and all did long for with every thought behind their fretted but ultimately puzzled brows - for The Good Ship USA and its rancorous crew seemed even to their brave hopes an age of anxiety away, away somewhere beyond the salt-encrusted tendrils of the furious sea that lashed at them, they thought, undeservedly.

The Clever Bluegill Sunfish: It Can Detect Toxins In Water Better Than A High-Tech Wonder

Writen by Tom Attea

This week we’re excused from having to pick our Clever Monkey of the Week from the human performers on the world’s stage, because they’ve been outdone by the bluegill sunfish. This clever denizen of just about every pond and lake in America is, we learn, helping to protect the water supplies of major US cities like San Francisco and New York.

It seems the hand-size gamesters, which have delighted centuries of children as easy-to-catch prey, are more sensitive to a wide range of toxins than even the most responsive tech wonder. They’re also more versatile. A human apparatus can only detect the troublemakers it’s designed to react to, but to a sunfish a toxin is a toxin.

Said Bill Lawler, one of the founders of a company called Intelligent Automation Corporation, which is the California outfit that markets the bluegill monitoring system, “Nature’s given us pretty much the most powerful and reliable early warning center out there. There’s no known manmade sensor that can do the same job as the bluegill.”

The clever little fish began their employment in helping to protect San Francisco’s water supply about a month ago.

New York City has been testing its system since 2002 and its DEP reports the fish detected a diesel spill two hours before any of the city’s human handiwork. The Big Apple hopes to expand its use of the diminutive security guards.

Although sunfish do have their limits - for example, they can’t detect germs - they still rate as our distinguished Clever Monkey of the Week.

Humor Helps Us All to Cope With the Aging Process

Writen by Jerry Aragon

Time has flown by so fast for me, that I worry about it! Now, in my early 60’s, it just seems like yesterday, that I was in the Air Force (on our side), and I was sitting around with some friends in the NCO Club, having a beer and listening to the Beatles and the Rolling Stones. And, today (2006), half of the Beatles are gone and those who remain are all over sixty! That’s scary…isn’t it?

* * *

The following article on humor and aging is presented here for your information/education and was published in the Albuquerque Journal, Mature New Mexico Magazine. It was written by Corky Vann of the Los Angeles Times. In this piece, I will quote from the article; paraphrase as necessary; and I will give my two cents, for whatever it’s worth!

Article: “When Sandy Moehle received a birthday card that read, ‘Old age ain’t for sissies,’ her sentiment summed up her feelings about dealing with the physical and mental challenges of aging. It also made her laugh! ‘I’m going to put this saying in my office,’ says Moehle, 59. ‘Some parts of getting older are a real pain, but seeing the humor in them makes the process easier to deal with.’”

My two cents: I think old age is one of the worst things that can happen to anyone, but we’re all going to have to deal with it…if any of us get that far, etc. “Life begins at 60?” (Shut up!) Now, that I have turned the 60 mark, I worry more and more about it! I see other people…the “before,” and the “after” and I don’t like what I see. In this society, there are four age groups; the young; middle aged; the old; and “my, but you’re sure looking good these days!” I don’t want to go to that last category!

Article: “Steven M. Sultanoff, a California clinical psychologist and past president of the American Association for Therapeutic Humor and self-labled “mirthologist,” says the benefits of laughter are no joke! Learning to enjoy the ups and down of life reduces stress; improves communications; energizes relationships and generally makes people feel better. ‘Studies show that humor might be dangerous to your illness,’ writes Sultanoff, who maintains the website (humormatters.com), which includes an extensive section devoted to aging related humor”

My two cents: My father and I are as different as black and white. He lived to be 80 years old, and I don’t know how he did it! He never went to a doctor in his life! He was one of those “medical-phobics,” who is afraid of everything medical…needles; plastic tubes, etc. He was a heavy smoker most of his life, and because of this, he never lived a quality life, because he was always sick of something! My father never exercised. If I asked him if he would walk around the block, his answer would be: “Why should I walk, when I can drive around the block faster?”

On the other hand, I have always taken care of myself…walking and jogging 10 to 15 miles a week, and “pumping aluminum,” for the last 20 years! I get a flu shot every year; teeth cleaned; a physical every year; quit smoking; drink very little; watch my diet and I have never done drugs of any kind! I watch my diet. But, in the future, I worry because, it will probably be my luck, that I will be run over by a spinach or turnip truck…on my way to the health store to pick up some asparagus!

Article: “Research has clearly indicated that negative thinking and emotional distress lead to disease. Humor changes negative thinking and emotional distress and, therefore, can be a powerful health intervention.” Research, though limited, indicates that laughing enhances the immune system, reduces stress and it creates tolerance to pain. Humor has also proved to be a valuable tool for people facing serious illness and medical treatment.”

My two cents: I think everyone will agree with me, that we are all seeking a quality of life! But, how can a person have a quality of life, if that person is sick all the time like my father? The name of the game for me is prevention! There are some people who get there exercise every week by clicking and double-clicking…that’s it! COME ON…can we talk?

Article: “Forget about the ‘it only hurts when I laugh concept,’ says author and humorist Loretta LaRoche. ‘The truth is…it hurts more when you don’t laugh!’ LaRoche, 62, acknowledges. That while failing health, the loss of loved ones and other realities of aging aren’t funny, a sense of humor is one of the best coping mechanisms around. ‘Sure, sure aging is tough, but what’s the alternative?’ says LaRoche, who recently released an audiotape entitled, ‘Aging With Humor.’ ‘Find your inner sitcom and make your last act a comedy!’”

My two cents: None of us can turn back the clock! When my wife’s parent’s were in their 80’s, they down-sized and moved into an apartment which catered to the elderly, and had a medical staff on hand and so forth. And, I would go with my wife to visit her parents, but I didn’t like going over there. Her parents were in good shape, but it was depressing to see some of the other elderly people sitting around in a wheelchair…slumped over…their heads hanging to one side or the other…and, nobody around! They just sat there like there was no life in the body, and a person feels so helpless because none of us can do anything about the problem!

Article: A new book can help, “Age Doesn’t Matter Unless You’re a Cheese: Wisdom From Our Elders,” by Katherine and Ross Petras, is a collection of 350 notable quotes about getting older. You won’t find any stereo-typical ‘old geezer’ humor here. Every contributor’s quotes are serious reflections on the aging process, many including title are hilarious observations on the ‘golden years.’ A couple of examples:

“A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple every year. I told him that, at my age, don’t even buy green bananas!” Claude Pepper/U.S. Senator

“I have everything now, that I had 20 years ago…except now it’s all lower!” Gypsy Rose Lee

Carter Henderson, author of ‘Funny, I don’t Feel Old: How to Flourish after 50.’ Says older adults should focus less on the difficulties of aging, and more on what makes them smile…and he works hard to follow his own advice.”

* * *

For those of you wanting to obtain more information on senior issues…a good place to start is to go to the website: Suddenly Senior (suddenlysenior.com) Those of you wanting information on therapeutic humor can go to the World Laughter Tour. (worldlaughtertour.com)

In conclusion…age is just a number, right? (boo-hoo!) I’ve been very forgetful lately, and so I also worry about getting Alzheimer’s disease! If I DO get Alzheimer’s disease…there will be one positive thing that can come out of it…I will be able to hide my own Easter eggs!

The Drunk Goose Massacree

Writen by Ted Thompson

We took advantage of yesterday’s beautiful weather and fired up the engine on the houseboat, went out on the lake, tied up to a tree, and gloried in the springtime temperatures that are so long overdue.

While sitting up on top of the boat, drinking my drink of choice — Captain Morgan’s on ice with a twist — two Canadian Geese came swimming up to the boat, looking for handouts. I retrieved some bread from the galley — because geese generally prefer it over marshmallows — went back up on top, and began tossing small chunks to the shameless little feather-necked beggars.

Now, anyone with a good eye can tell when a goose is thirsty. It became obvious after a few pieces of bread had disappeared down those gullets that these two would really appreciate something to wash the dry crusts down. Hell, I’ve been there, who hasn’t?

I didn’t have much to offer, but I did have my bottle o’ The Cap’n, and being an optimist, it was more than half-full. I’m also a sharing, sympathetic sort, and a bird-lover besides, so I began soaking the bread crusts in good spiced rum, and tossing them over the side of the boat. Kept a good eye out for the water patrol, of course — lake cops generally frown on this sort of thing.

For those of you who don’t already know, geese are mean drunks. Belligerent. Noisy. It’s not pretty. Poor sharers, too, greedy and self-centered. Get a few drinks in them, and you can really start to read the personality of a goose. I began to think that perhaps these geese were Irish, and only claimed Canadian heritage.

I didn’t have any bar snacks to offer, peanuts or popcorn or anything like that. In truth, I did have some pickled eggs, but I decided no, it would not be socially appropriate. These were geese, after all. Although the birds themselves were pretty well hammered at this point, as a sensitive host I decided that giving pickled bird eggs to pickled geese would just be in poor taste — however humorously ironic that might seem to you and me.

Besides, it was obvious that these two just wanted to drink. The more rum-soaked bread I gave them, the more they became as loose as their axiomatic namesakes.

The fine afternoon ended as all fine afternoons must. When it was time to call it a day, we sailed off toward the dock. And the well-greased geese? They sailed off to the south.

By southwest.

By north, by east, by northwest, by south, by northsouth.

OK, this story is not entirely true. I know when a goose has had enough. After they began picking fights with passing jetskis, I put them both on the wagon. Which should have been preferable, from their perspective, to being put on the grill.

Internally basted or not.

Ted Thompson is a freelance writer (available for hire) living in Harrison, Arkansas More of his works can be seen at his website http://www.phfft.com

The Mysterious Female in American Romanticism

Writen by Mary Arnold

The Mysterious Female: Elusiveness as a Means of Increasing and Prolonging Male Desire in American Romanticism

Several years ago, I read an article in a women’s magazine which advised its readers to never let men see them apply their makeup or style their hair. Women were encouraged to retire from men au naturel, and then reappear in their presence with all their beauty ministrations completed. I did not pay much attention to the article at that time, but as I began thinking about ‘the elusive female’ in American Romanticism I realized that denying men access to female beauty rites would most likely create for her an aura of mystery (How does she do it?). And as evidenced in Edgar Allan Poe’s “Ligeia,” F. Scott Fitzgerald’s “Winter Dreams,” Jean Toomer’s “Fern,” and the film Out of the Past, the mysterious and elusive female exerts a powerful force on male consciousness. He may love her, he may hate her, but he can never forget her.

In Edgar Allan Poe’s short story “Ligeia,” he explores the psychological effects of female mysteriousness produced upon a man. While the narrator of the story is married to Ligeia and, in one sense, can be said to ‘possess’ her, in another sense she remains aloof and perplexing. Though they remain married for several years until the death of Ligeia, he is never able to discover the “unfathomable meaning” behind the eyes of Ligeia (Norton 706). The narrator is “possessed with a passion to discover” the quality that Ligeia withholds from him (Norton 706). Her elusiveness captures his imagination, exciting a longing to know, and take possession of, the “secret of her expression” (Norton 706). The narrator describes how in his “intense scrutiny” of her eyes, he has felt this knowledge “approaching” but yet “not quite be [his]” and “so at length utterly depart” (Norton 706). Even after Ligeia’s death and the narrator’s subsequent remarriage, he is completely unable to forget his beloved Ligeia. In his “opium dreams,” the narrator would “call aloud upon her name,” as if the “consuming intensity of [his] longing” could “restore the departed Ligeia” back to life (Norton 710). His refusal to let go of the memory of Ligeia succeeds in recalling her back to life.

In Jean Toomer’s story “Fern,” an extract from Cane, a man from the North is visiting Georgia when he becomes enchanted with a young woman named Fern. She doesn’t seem to do anything other than sit on the railing of her porch and watch the landscape. Similar to Ligeia, Fern has “strange eyes,” in that “they sought nothing” and that they “gave the impression that nothing was to be denied” (Norton 2122). Her eyes “desired nothing that [anyone] could give her,” and yet most of the men who see her feel “bound to her” and vow to themselves “that some day they would do some fine thing for her” (Norton 2122). The men of the town dream about being Fern’s secret admirer, sending her anonymous gifts, and being her knight in shining armor, rescuing her “from some unworthy fellow who had tricked her into marrying him” (Norton 2122). Fern also preys upon the mind of the narrator long after he returns North. He, too, longs to be able to ‘do something’ for Fern, but yet he does not know what. Like Ligeia, Fern’s elusiveness is solely psychological; she does not withhold her physical presence from people, but she does withhold her ‘essence.’ In Fitzgerald’s short story, one can see the inverse of female elusiveness, i.e. a woman who does not keep back her ‘essence.’ Her elusiveness derives from disallowing men access to her physical presence.

The protagonist in “Winter Dreams” is well aware of Judy Jones’ flawed personality, e.g. being self-centered and an incurable flirt, but Dexter Green cannot resist her charms. Judy can turn “her dark eyes” upon him, and Dexter feels like “she [is] exerting some force upon him” (Norton 2135). Dexter likens the pursuit of Judy to the “following of a grail,” a romantic and arduous quest (Norton2135). Dexter is “one of a varying dozen” who revolve around Judy, and whenever one shows signs of “dropping out through long neglect” Judy will shower attention on him to keep him interested “for a year or so longer” (Norton 2136). For over a year, Judy treats Dexter “with interest, with encouragement, with malice, with indifference, with contempt,” until he finally realizes that he “could not have Judy Jones” (Norton 2137). He becomes engaged to another girl, but drops her when Judy saunters back into his life. Even though Judy stays with Dexter for a month afterwards, he never “regret [s] that night” (Norton 2140). Because Judy is unattainable for Dexter, she remains firmly planted in his mind, and he “would love her until the day he was too old for loving” (Norton 2141). The desire of men to obtain the unattainable is also exemplified in the film “Out of the Past”.

“Out of the Past” is a classic example of the genre of film noir. The hero Jeff knows that the femme fatale Kathie is a woman he should not become involved with. Kathie had shot her former lover and stolen forty thousand dollars from him, but Jeff doesn’t care. He has become completely enchanted by Kathie:

Jeff: There was still that something about her that got me. A kind of magic or whatever it was (Tourneur).

He knows he is being a “sucker” by getting involved with Kathie, but he does anyway. Jeff asserts he is unafraid of her gangster ex-boyfriend seeking vengeance; he is only “afraid [she] might not go” away with him (Tourneur). Jeff suppresses knowledge of Kathie’s viciousness because he feels an overwhelming desire to have her for himself. When Kathie shoots another man, Jeff turns away from her, and when he finds out Kathie has reconciled with her gangster boyfriend, he begins to despise her. Even though Jeff refrains from being Kathie’s dupe again, he still feels the powerful seductive, mysterious quality she possesses.

Mysteriousness, then, seems to incite a desire to find out, and elusiveness increases the desire to pursue and possess. Whether the female withholds herself mentally or physically, she seems to exert an extraordinary power upon his imagination, and her elusiveness only intrigues him more.

Mary Arnold holds a B.A. in literature and history. She is an author on http://www.Writing.Com/ which is a site for Writers.

Her portfolio can be found at http://www.Writing.com/authors/ja77521

The Serpent Grail and the Lady of the Lake

Writen by Philip Gardiner

Is there a mystery here to be unravelled? Is there a serpent code being held by the Grail myths? Can we uncover this code by taking a look at the Lady of Lake? The answer is yes to all these questions, for held within the folds of the coiled snake we shall discover the truth of the origin of the Arthurian tales and the strange watery Lady who was to give Arthur his sword.

There are various names attributed to the ‘Lady of the Lake;’ Nimue and Vivienne are the two most used, but most pertinent to us here is ‘White Serpent.’ Nimue is probably Mneme or Mnemosyne, who is one of the Muses or ‘water nymphs’ from Roman and Greek mythology and who gave out weapons - just as the Lady of the Lake did. Vivienne in all likelihood comes from Vi-Vianna or Co-Vianna the ‘water goddess’ or Coventina of Celtic origin (’Coventina’s Well’ also had a skull offering discovered which is important in the worship of snakes and wisdom [1].)

These water deities are strongly related to the story of serpent worship, and united with the tale of the sword or weaponry, it introduces the duality of peace and war so well known in the serpent myths. The sword pierces and strikes and involves contemporaneously, the image of the serpent upon the blade via the unique metallurgy employed. This wonderful metallurgy of the Middle Ages and beyond reveals to us in actual artefacts that the serpent itself was fashioned into the blade as part of the process. This of course relates to the fact that Arthur’s sword was said to be a fiery serpent in the Dream of Rhonabwy. When Arthur’s sword is drawn it was said that two flames of fire burst out of the jaws of the two serpents, and so wonderful was the sword that it was hard for anyone to gaze at it. It is necessary for Arthur to maintain ownership of the sword, whether it is the sword from the stone or Excalibur, as it ensures his victory and his life. The infamous Arthurian writer, Malory, indicates the brightness of the sword and its fiery aspect, writing: “but it was so bright in his enemies eyes, that it gave light like thirty torches.” But the sword in the stone does not last long and the Lady of the Lake gives Arthur his Excalibur, and also a serpent scabbard, which ensures eternal life. Malory states quite clearly “for whiles ye have the scabbard upon you, ye shall never lose no blood, be ye never so sore wounded; therefore keep well the scabbard always with you.” It is only when Arthur’s half sister Morgan le Fay steals the scabbard and replaces it that Arthur becomes susceptible to the deadly blows of Mordred. The once prized sword is then returned to the water, the home of the Lady of the Lake - the serpent spirit.

There is a remarkable resemblance between the tales of Arthur’s sword and an unsuspecting Chinese legend. A hero from the 6th century BC named Wu Tzu-hsu threw his sword into a river “It shot forth like a spirit-glow, sparkling brightly as it thrice sank and thrice came to the surface with a great gush and then hovered above the water. The god of the river . . . heard the swords roar . . . he rolled in the waters in a great and frothing frenzy . . . Dragons raced along the waves and leaped out of the water. The river god held the sword in his hand and, frightened, told Wu Tzu-hsu to take it back.” (Mair 1983, 141 and 286.) This story related in the 8th century AD simply cannot differ from Malory’s tale of the sword. In China there were tales of great swords such as Dragon Spring and others still that leap into the waters surrounded by dragons, which churn up the water. Wu Tzu-hsu’s sword is also called Dragon Spring. [2]

And this Dragon Spring carries us back again to the water nymphs who were seen universally as controlling the essential essence of life via their relationship with the healing waters, springs and lakes. Coventina was worshipped widely and it is highly likely that the Arthurian Morgan Le Fay is associated with her, as her name implies water nymph. There are also elements, which introduce her into the ‘Triple Goddess’ of the Celtic religion and therefore relating her to Bridgid. She was a great goddess of healing; linked strongly with water nymphs - and in relation to the sword she was also a great smith.

She also owned an apple orchard, which relates nicely to Avalon, the isle of apples. Her day is called Imbolc - around the 2nd February - but it is also known as Oimelc, Candlemas and in the USA as ‘Groundhog Day.’ This special event in the American calendar involves of course the mass killing of snakes, and relates to the tale of Bridgid’s snake, which comes out of the mound from which it had been hibernating.

At Oimelc it is said that the singers cry, “The day of Bride, the birthday of spring, The serpent emerges from the knoll.” And in winter, Scottish folk poems still speak of the serpent that dwells in the hillside.

As the ‘Lady of the Lake’ forged Arthur’s sword, so too the various parts of these ancient goddesses simply must have been collated together in the form of this Arthurian water goddess - a new deity forged.

These goddesses, all basically the same, are also related to Sibyl or the Sibillia who presides over witches; and in the Ukraine one of the names for ‘witch’ actually means ’snake,’ and in Russia it was believed that witches had snake tails. This sheds more light on the idea that witches mixed their famous brews and elixirs in their cauldrons, very much like the cauldron such as the one discovered at Gundestrup. For if it is true what we uncovered in The Serpent Grail, then this brew was serpent venom and blood.

Sibillia has the ‘power over life’ and touches baskets and bottles with her wand to restore them afresh. Sibillia taught magical arts in her serpent grotto where shape-shifting fairies reminiscent of the naginis (female serpents) of India emerge and dance around. These fairies are said to turn into snakes each Saturday. Anyone who wished to enter this Sybil Cave must love snakes or suffer the consequences. Sibillia is also seen in the Life of Robin Goodfellow (similar to Robin Hood and which means “bright or shining hood”) as Sib, who speaks for the fairies. She says that they live in “some great hill, and from thence we do lend money to any poore man or woman that hath need.” In the 15th century, Perceforest has her as the ‘Lady of the Lake.’

In Scottish myth one of these fairies lived inside a tree and often appeared holding a limpet shell containing the ‘milk of wisdom’ which was called the “copan Moire” or “Cup of Mary” in her hands - an obvious allusion to the ‘life-giving’ element and wisdom of these snake, shape-shifters remembered in legend.

There are many other tales, which link these European snake shape-shifters to the Nagas of India and we would just like to break off for a moment to take a look at these peculiar deities.

Naga is a Sanskrit term meaning literally Serpent (especially cobra) but it also holds the meanings - a tree; a mountain; the sun; the number seven; wisdom and initiate - all symbols and emblems we will become familiar with in the worship of the serpent. They are said to reside in Patala, however this has a meaning similar to antipodes, the same name given by the ancients to the America’s. It is a similar term to the Mexican Nagals, the medicine (healers) and sorcerers who always kept a god in the shape of a serpent. In Burma they are Nats or serpent gods. Esoterically Naga is a term for wise men. There is a folk tradition that Nagas washed Gautama (Buddha) at his birth - the wise men visiting the deity on Earth and cleansing the enlightened one. They are also said to have guarded him and the relics of his body after his death.

According to H. P. Blavatsky in Theosophical Glossary, the Naga were descended from Rishi Kasyapa who had twelve wives (therefore he is the sun), by whom he had numerous Nagas (serpents) and was the father of all animals. Rishi Kasyapa can therefore be none other than a progenitor of the Green Man, and this explains the reasons for the appearance of the snake in images of the Green Man and Horned God, such as the Gundestrup Cauldron.

There is also a theory that the Nagas descended from the Scythic race and when the Brahmins invaded India they found a race of wise men, half gods, half demons (snakes). These men were said to be teachers of other nations and themselves instructed the Hindu’s and Brahmans.

In the Bhagavata Purana there is a description of the Bila-svarga or the regions of the Nagas said to be subterranean. Some of the names associated with this place relate remarkably to the Mesoamerican and South American terms such as Tlaloc. “My dear king, beneath this earth are seven other planets [seven is important in Atlantean myths - seven islands!], known as Atala, Vitala, Sutala, Talatala, Mahatala, Rstala and Patala… the residents are known as Daityas, Danavas and Nagas . . . brilliantly decorated cities . . . wonderful houses, walls, gates, assembly houses, temples, yards and temple compounds . . . The houses for the leaders of these planets are constructed with the most valuable jewels, and are always crowded with the living entities known as Nagas and Asuras . . . Many great serpents reside there with gems on their hoods, and the effulgence of these gems dissipates the darkness in all directions. Since the residents of these planets drink and bathe in juices and elixirs made from wonderful herbs, they are freed from all anxieties and physical diseases. They have no experience of gray hair, wrinkles or invalidity.” (Bhagavata Purana)

There is currently a lot of debate about the original inhabitants of India - whether Aryan or Naga, but the fact remains, whether the Nagas were Aryans or not, they were an ancient inhabitant. The very fact that they were mentioned in the ancient Rig Vedas shows this to be true. They also intermarried with the Royal families, hence the popular myths of serpent kings.

“Then come the Naaga, the Siren serpents, whose worship has been so important a factor in the folklore, superstition, and poetry of India from the earliest times down to-day. Cobras in their ordinary shape, they lived, like mermen and mermaids, more beneath the water, in a great luxury and wealth, more especially of germ, and sometimes, as we shall see, the name is used of the Dryads, the tree-spirits, equally wealthy and powerful. They could at will and often did, adopt the human form and though terrible if angered, were kindly and mild by nature. Not mentioned either in the Veda or in the pre-Buddhist Upanishads, the myth seems to be a strange jumble of beliefs, not altogether pleasant, about a strangely gifted race of actual men; combined with notions derived from previously existing theories of tree worship, and serpent worship, and river worship. But the history of the idea has still to be written. The Naagas are represented on the ancient bas-reliefs as men or women either with cobra’s hoods rising behind their heads or with serpentine forms from their waist downwards.” Rhys Davies, Buddhist India, p.223.

These tree deities were Nagas anyway as Rhys Davies continues on page 223 “The tree-deities were called Naagas, and were able at will, like the Naagas, to assume the human form and in one story the spirit of a Nunyan tree who reduced the merchants to ashes is called a Naaga-raja, the tree itself is a dwelling place of Naaga. It seems that they also left behind myths of healing as a story in the Journal of the Bombay Branch of the Asiatic Society demonstrates. When there was an epidemic among the children, it seems the only answer was to bring them to a snake skin which was hung on a pole and allow them to touch it - reminding us of the idea of the Brazen Serpent of Moses, which was upon a pole and for the healing of the “children” of Israel. This may explain why it is that the tree-gods are not specially and separately mentioned in the Maha Samaya list of deities who are there said by the poet to have come to pay reverence to the Buddha.”

The history of the Nagas that we do have, textually beginning around the 7th century BC is an amazing history of ups and downs. It parallels the rise and fall of the serpent worshipped by the Semites, with the Brazen Serpent being raised in the wilderness and then broken up in the temple. Like Melusine and Sibillia, Tante Arie also loved to plunge into cool pools in her caverns of Milandre where she changed into a vouivre or serpent; bringing to mind the concept that the shape-shifting Nagas of India which were said to reside in the underwater realms. Surely these ladies of ancient lore are folk memories of serpent worshipping leaders from the past - and a positively feminine one at that. The Nagas were also said to have jewels in their foreheads, like many other serpents from legend. As if knowing this, the vouivre too wears a jewel in the middle of her forehead. The Nagas are also said to protect great treasure, so too do the ladies of European lore.

We know that the Scythians were great worshippers of the serpent from many sources - as in the bracelets found, which the women wore as symbols of fertility. The Scythians were intimately linked with the Naga, serpent worshippers of India via trade and war. They came to Europe via several means - one of them as hired hands of the Romans, and in this way crept into the Arthurian legend. Herodotus tells us of an account of the Scythian snake goddess who was mistress of the land where the Dniepr flowed into the Black Sea. This Scythian serpent goddess was also a cave dweller.

The xana serpent goddesses of Asturias even had a sacred and valuable chalice stolen by a human, only to eventually deposit the famed cup in a Church - thus taking the sacred cup from the serpent and giving it to Christianity. These xana’s kept their treasures in a “serpent cave” immersed in pools, remarkably like the Patala of the Nagas. In Wales the serpents were said to emerge and congregate on Midsummer’s Eve to blow into the Serpent Stones / Eggs or Glain Neidr which is reminiscent of Pliny’s tale of this activity amongst the Gauls. The snakes are said to create eggs or alternatively ‘new life.’ In Wales these serpent stones were said to be coloured pebbles, which gave ’second sight’ and healing.

Midsummer’s Eve was the night when the serpents would role themselves into hissing balls and create the glain egg, also known as ’snake stone’ or ‘Druid’s egg.’ In Welsh myth even Merlin himself went in search of them.

Victor H. Mair of the University of Pennsylvania also points to the association between the Scythian and the Arthurian tales: “The Nart sagas [repositories of Scythian traditions] contain parallels with Arthurian legend so numerous and so uncannily close that it is impossible they are unrelated.”

Interestingly, remains of these Scythians have been found on the Silk Road to China. Remains here of Caucasians dates back even before that and at present stand somewhere in the region of 3,000 years BC, with female Shaman being buried in full regalia, tattoos of spirals and zig zags and long finger nails. This in itself shows the widespread travel of these Scythians or those like them and the transport of ideas, possible many thousands of years ago. In China of course, we find the serpents or dragons as friendly creatures who become the ancestors of the very Emperor’s themselves and seep into Chinese alchemy as symbols of the Elixir.

So, in summing up, what do we have? We have serpent deities, across the world, living in underwater kingdoms, making great weapons and guarding wondrous treasures. We have etymology linking them to the Lady of the Lake and we have Arthurian links and Grail connections through the mighty warrior race of the Scythians. In short, we have here, the truth of the Lady herself and the origin of the Grail mythos is yet again to be found within the tale of the snake. History, it seems, needs re-appraising.

Notes
1 See The Serpent Grail by Philip Gardiner and Gary Osborn, Watkins, 2005.
2 See http://www.phil.fah-designs.com/gardinerosborn/articles/article_8.html for more information about the serpent sword or visit www.philipgardiner.net and go to articles.

Permission to re-print this article is hereby given by Philip Gardiner and Gary Osborn, Sept 2005.

About the Author

Philip Gardiner is the author of the best selling The Serpent Grail, The Shining Ones, and Gnosis: The Secret of Solomon’s Temple Revealed. He does talks, lectures, has his own radio show and does tours across the world via www.powerplaces.com

Philip has a degree in marketing and 9 diplomas ranging from etymology to holistic medicine. He is hosting the Philip Gardiner’s Forbidden Knowledge Conference UK (FKCUK) in July 2006.

www.philipgardiner.net
www.gardinerosborn.com

President Of Iran Questions Iran’s Right To Exist

Writen by Tom Attea

With a surprising salvo of bravado, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has asked the provocative question, “Does Iran have a right to exist?”

In the startling speech, he warned Western nations, especially European ones, that they will be hurt if they continue to insist that Iran should not be wiped off the map. And, during a national radio address, he hinted, “You should know that the rage of people is boiling hot enough to poach a dozen pigeon eggs and is like an ocean that is welling up even worse than Katrina. Once its storm begins blowing, it will go beyond the borders of Lebanon and Palestine, and it will, God willing, hurt Iran.”

The President also told a throng of thousands that Iran could not last long after its experience in backing Hezbollah in its fight with Israel. “In devastating Hezbollah,” he insisted, “Israel shattered the myth that Iran is undefeatable. So we have taken a giant step toward our cherished goal of convincing the entire world that Iran has no reason to exist.”

State-run television reported demonstrations around the needlessly confrontational country, chanting “Death to Iran!” and “Long Live America!” Many of the demonstrators carried pictures of Israeli President Ehud Olmert and waved Israeli flags.

President Ahmadinejad maintained that he is prepared to take whatever steps are necessary to assure that Iran is, in his own words, “wiped off the map.” As part of his relentless determination to achieve his somewhat counterproductive goal, he repeated that his nation would never stop its uranium enrichment program, regardless of the threat of sanctions.

In fact, he absolutely insisted that the West must go beyond mere sanctions and launch an outright attack, saying, “They want to use the Security Council as an instrument to put pressure on our people. But, thank God, they will never succeed, and I will be able to destroy Iran all by myself.”

Meanwhile, the former president of Iran, Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani, added his voice to the warnings, saying, “I advise Western nations not to implement the harmful decision they have made over Iran’s nuclear program. The decision will have harmful consequences for the region, for them, as well as our country.” But Rafsanjani, a relative moderate, restrained himself from making an outright plea for the destruction of his own country.

Meanwhile, flying in the face of Iranian demands for self-destruction, Britain’s ambassador to the U. N. said European countries intended to draft a resolution that calls for relatively mild sanctions, mostly limited to curbing Iran’s nuclear and ballistic-missile programs.

Iran’s foreign ministry was immediately incensed, insisting that Iran will not “remain idle if only sanctions are imposed.”

The ISNA student news agency, which the world has been reduced to listening to for somewhat credible reports, said the ministry statement included, “It is a big miscalculation to think that the policy of a carrot and stick can be pursued at the same time. We Iranians don’t like carrots at all. In fact, carrots are a Western vegetable and therefore un-Islamic. We demand the unequivocal use of the stick.”

Regrettably, no amount of pleading by Western leaders has been able to dissuade Mr. Ahmadinejad from his determination to wipe Iran off the map - a determination that becomes even more misguided when one suspects that most Iranians would probably rather he just shut his misspeaking yapper and concentrate on getting the nation’s dysfunctional economy up and running.

Should the nation survive Mr. Ahmadinejad’s demands for self-destruction, it is hoped that the people of Iran will begin to conduct themselves for their own peaceful and prosperous benefit - a course change that would result, not in Western sanctions, but in every possible encouragement.