Hillary Clinton Loses Patience; Demands Own Resignation

Writen by Tom Attea

In a surprising turn of political morphing, Hillary Clinton announced that she has lost patience with herself and plans to demand her own resignation from the Senate.

Fresh from her miscalculated call for the resignation of Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, the man who, despite being entangled in Iraq like a Houdini in chains even he can’t wangle his way out of, is likely the most rational mind and steadiest hand in the Bush administration.

By doing so, she consented to line up with Democratic loyalists who long ago became vociferous advocates of Mr. Rumsfeld’s eary exit.

Once it became apparent to her more incisive advocates that, in the interest of political connivance, she had made a carefully considered misjudgment that compromised the solidity of their trust in her suitability for high office, she immediately made a Clintonian changeover and advocated her own immediate dismissal.

“I can’t believe I did it,” she said in a formal statement. “Here I was, prudently restraining myself from Rummy rage and being seen as the leading Democratic candidate for President. Think of it! I could have become the first female President of the United States! But then, thinking about making some electoral hay while the war rages, I let myself go way out on a shaky limb and demand Secretary Rumsfeld’s resignation. I forgot to ask myself who might bring a more able mind to the conduct of the war and, even more importantly, who might make a difference in his ability to persuade the President to change our course in that nation on the brink of our worst fears. I am deeply sorry. Obviously, a person who has displayed such dangerous misjudgment should not even continue in the Senate, let alone hope to become the President. But I know my husband will never forgive me if I do decide to resign. He was so much looking forward to returning to the White House and frolicking there, at times, I hope, even with his gal from the get-go, that is, of course, if I myself should ever again wish to do so.”

And so we witness yet another electoral casualty of inept political stratagems, based on the conviction that emergencies much be stirred, so choices can be presented, as calculatingly as any side can figure out to arrange them, and votes accrued.

The unwavering conviction that patriotism leavened with wisdom might be even more convincing as the substantive criterion for electability seems to have disappeared in the chilly mist of options dismissed as impractical to stimulating the insensate ears of most of the voting populace.

Native American Indian History: How to Learn More

Writen by Edward Charkow

Do you own a piece of American Indian jewelry or art? If so, have you ever wondered how that item originated? There are many individuals who purchase Native American products without ever thinking about the history behind those items and the individuals that made them. There are an unlimited number of benefits to taking the time to learn about and understand Native American Indian history.

Native American Indian history is too extensive to describe in a few words, which is why many individuals who choose to research it must embark on a long journey. Despite the fact that it may take time to compile a large amount of research, the information you obtain will be useful for years to come.

To begin understanding Native American Indian history you should select a tribe to research. There are a large number of Native American Indian tribes that still exist today. These tribes often have a large amount of history. That is because in today’s society it is often difficult for many tribes to function with the rest of America. Keeping up with views, beliefs, and teachings is something that as led to many struggles, defeats, and victories.

The struggles, victories, and defeats of each Native American Indian tribe is what makes their history so amazing. Once research has started, there are many individuals who don’t want to stop learning more. Native American Indian history includes a wide variety of topics. One topic or all can be examined. You can learn as much or as little as you’d like about the history of Native American Indians.

If you are interested in learning about the history behind a piece of jewelry or art that you own, you may want to examine these topics. A large number of Native American Indians specialized in art and to this day many still do. To most individuals, art is not just a way to make money, but to symbolize their emotions and their beliefs. Without knowing it, you could be in possession of a beautiful piece of jewelry or art that held a special meaning to its maker.

There are a number of ways to go about researching the history of Native American Indians. Perhaps the easiest way is to use the internet. There are a wide variety of online resources devoted to providing internet users with valuable Native American Indian history information. This information could be just what you are looking for. Additional information can also be obtained from bookstores or local libraries.

The road less taken is one that could prove the most successful when studying the history of Native American Indians. There are a large number of museums and resource centers all around the country. In addition to providing valuable historical facts and artifacts, there may be an individual of American Indian decent who is willing to educate you on their family’s history. Firsthand information may be difficult to come by, but it could be the most valuable.

Whether you are just interested in learning more about a Native American Indian item you have in your home or the history of another culture excites you, there are an unlimited number of benefits to educating yourself. You may not be of Native American Indian decent, but you may be surprised to learn how they helped you obtain the life that you have today.

Edward Charkow is the administrator for American Indian History. For more information please visit http://www.americanindian-history.com

More Good News About Booze

Writen by Tom Attea

A new medical study has provided more good news about booze. There is an ingredient in red wine that apparently really does prolong life, at least, the life of mice.

How do we know? In a recent study, mice that were fed all kinds of artery-clogging foods and fattened up were given huge doses of the elixir, while other mice were just fattened up. Despite being obese, the cardiovascular systems of the lucky mice on the regimen remained healthy - so healthy the researchers, at no less than the Harvard Medical School, rushed to publish their findings even before the study was complete.

The work, which was done along with the National Institute on Aging, determined that heavy doses of the ingredient in red wine called resveratrol, lowers the rate of diabetes, liver problems and other fat-related health problems. While it’s too soon to know if the same ingredient works in humans, some scientists were excited by the findings and even called them “spectacular.”

But don’t reach for a second bottle of juice too fast. To get the amount of the ingredient that the mice were given, you would have to drink 100 bottles of red wine a day, an amount beyond the capacity of even the most delirious wino.

Yet there is hope. The promising ingredient is available as a health supplement, and without a prescription.

Of course, the usual drawback applies. It’s not available at a dose that would really make much of a difference. For that salubrious event, you’ll need a prescription. Since we all know how promptly the FDA approves new therapies, we can expect that the first prescription will probably be written for one of our great grandchildren.

Starvation in Africa and the Threat of Locust Plagues

Writen by Lance Winslow

We have a serious crisis in feeding the world as we approach some 10 billion humans on the planet. That is a lot of people and mouths to feed. Then there are the locust plagues, water issue and agricultural problems they face in the third world, specifically Africa.

Indeed and perhaps there a way to stop locust plagues and help us catch up and solve this problem, as the World Bank and researchers are looking for way to stop the Locust Plagues and re-establish agriculture as a way to feed the African Continent.

It is kind of a tough job once you have everything going and the Locust Plague comes along and eats all your crops. In fact in reading the World Bank white papers of David J. Spielman on private-public agriculture partnerships it appears to me that they would love to lick this problem once and for all. Especially considering the lack of water issues and the loss of lake, river and surface water in Africa.

If there is funding available to solve the African Locust Problem then shouldn’t it be done? Can’t we find a way to prevent millions from starving simply because a locust plague wiped out a season or year’s worth of crops? There has to be a way to figure this out and funds are available for someone who has the answers. Consider this in 2006.

Lance Winslow

The Intelligent Diaper

Writen by Tim Knox

I believe it was Frank Zappa who said, “Necessity is the mother of invention,” which means that if there is a public need for something, sooner or later, someone will invent it; and then Microsoft will steal the idea, produce a cheaper, far inferior knock-off of the original that the ignorant masses will scarf up like the last cherry cheesecake at a Weight Watcher’s convention!

The genius of invention and the idiocy of consumption; just two more things that make our merry world go round.

Think about it. How far would we have evolved as a species had it not been for the truly inventive minds of our age? One can only imagine how utterly backward the world would be if not for those brave men and women who invent and market the neverending stream of worthless crap, I mean, “products” that we consumers willingly — even gladly — throw away our hard-earned money on. Life would be pretty difficult without that SoloFlex sitting in the corner of your bedroom, wouldn’t it? Where else would you hang your dirty clothes?

How hard our lives would be without things like the Pocket Fisherman, the Flowbee, the Wonder Mop, the Bamboo Steamer, and of course, the Clapper. How would we have ever sliced through old tin cans and overripe tomatoes if not for the Ginsu Knife? How many of us would have the washboard abs and buns of steel that we have today if not for those amazing products that made it so incredibly easy for us to get them? And finally, how many of our young people would have chosen the wrong path in life had it not been for the chance at self-expression offered to them by Mr. Microphone?

Many of this country’s great minds are meeting in Monroeville, Pennsylvania this week to show off their latest brainstorm at the annual New Product Exposition. Highlights of this year’s show include a fireproof blanket (for people who smoke in bed, I suppose), a plastic rack designed to drain the last dregs of ketchup from the bottle (for those times when turning the bottle upside down just isn’t enough), and a motion-activated nightlight you install in a dresser drawer to help you find your socks in the dark. I think the last one is from the same genius who tried to market glow-in-the-dark toilet paper a few years back. Unfortunately, that idea went down the toilet when it was discovered that the fluorescent dye that made the paper glow in the dark also had the same affect on the user’s behind.

The invention that caught my attention this year is the so-called “Intelligent Diaper.” This little ditty looks and works just like a normal diaper, except that it beeps and flashes when it becomes, shall we say, full. The Intelligent Diaper is one product that probably won’t be ripped off by Microsoft (although the “full” part certainly meets criteria), but that’s about the only thing it has going for it. Take it from someone who has bought enough infomercial junk to stock a small Wal-Mart, the Intelligent Diaper will go the way of glow-in-the-dark toilet paper. Granted, there’s little danger of ending up with a neon pink bottom here, but there are just some things that even the dumbest consumer won’t spend his disposable income on. The Intelligent Diaper is such an item.

If you’re already a parent, you know what I’m going to say next. If you’re about to become a parent for the first time or are thinking about becoming one, let me give you a little advice: if you are so out of touch with reality, so completely sensory-deficient that you need bells and whistles to tell you when your cute, cuddly, little bundle of joy has made a fifteen pound present for you in his diaper, you have no business being a parent. You’re just too stupid.

New Mommy: “Dear, do you smell something?”
New Daddy: “What an awful aroma! Have they opened a paper mill in our neighborhood?”
Mommy: “No, I don’t think so. You’re not boiling your gym socks again, are you?”
Daddy: “No, of course not! And what is that infernal beeping sound I hear?”
Mommy: “I don’t know… wait… look at that flashing light on Molly’s diaper.”
Daddy: You’re right, dear. That smell is coming from the baby!”
Mommy: “What a relief! Thank goodness for the Intelligent Diaper!”

Again, if you need anything other than your own nose to tell you that your baby’s diaper has reached capacity, you are not equipped to be a parent. Try raising goldfish or guppies instead. Just remember, when they float upside down, they’re dead. And if that’s too much for you to remember, I suggest you invest in the Intelligent Aquarium, on sale now at a Wal-Mart near you.

But if you’re still intent on having children in spite of my warning and feel that you need an external device to let you know when your baby has, as we say at my house, “made a present for daddy,” why don’t you just do what the coal miners did in the old days and hang a canary cage in the little stinker’s bedroom. When the canary dies, you know it’s time to change a diaper. Nothing could be simpler.

As the proud papa of a two-year-old who is resisting potty training like a cat resists water, I can tell you from first-hand experience that the diaper is a product that sorely needs updating, but the Intelligent Diaper just doesn’t go far enough. Here’s my suggest (Bill Gates, you listening): Microsoft should “borrow” the Intelligent Diaper concept and combine it with aerospace technology to make a better, more efficient diaper product.

When the Microsoft Intelligent Diaper needs changing, the Windows start-up chime sounds, a series of lights flash across the seat of the diaper to form the outline of Bill Gates’ face and an oxygen mask falls from the ceiling.

The ad campaign could be: “Microsoft, for wherever you have to go today!”

Now that’s what I call a real intelligent diaper.

Hello I Must Be Going: The Vanishing Twin

Writen by Peter Blinn

They walk among us. By the mid nineties, science had only smoked out a few dozen of them worldwide but there are undoubtedly many more. You may well know some of them. You may even be one yourself. Perhaps you’re sometimes haunted by the sense that there is someone lurking very near, invisible and silent but sharing that odd thought, impression, or fear from time to time. A more solid clue might be found in the skin on your back. Sometimes you can see this plainly though they say it’s usually only discernable under UV light.

I’m talking about what might be looked upon as the most extreme form of Siamese or conjoined twinning, one in which both bodies have merged completely into a single individual. Scientists call the perplexing result a chimera, after the mythological beast described by Homer and others that sported the head of a lion, the body of a goat and the rear of a dragon or snake. What happens is that you have two fertilized egg cells that converge very early in the gestation process. If the cells were identical twins there would probably be no way to identify such two-in-one individuals and the world may well be full of them. But if they’re fraternal, things can get more interesting.

If the two are of opposite sex you can end up with a true hermaphrodite, though this seems to be exceedingly rare. In January of 1998 doctors in Scotland reported the birth of a child, originally conceived through in vitro fertilization, who ultimately tested out to present both female (XX) and male (XY) chromosomes and corresponding equal-opportunity genitalia. Most of the time the consequences are much more subtle. In 1953 an English woman named Patricia McDonnell underwent some routine tests when she became pregnant and discovered she carried both Type O and Type A blood in a ratio of about 13 to 1. After considerable study her doctors concluded that the minority Type A was her own and the Type O was what was left of her twin brother.

Sometimes a chimera will have a left and right eye of different colors (like Jane Seymour and Joe Pesci… hmm, do ya think?), while others as alluded to in the first paragraph may display marbling or streaking patterns on their backs, called Blaschko’s lines, which suggest an imperfect blend of two differing complexions. Researchers call the latter individuals mosaics. They’re intrigued with the phenomenon because they suspect certain afflictions may arise from it such as cancer, Alzheimer’s, and autism. (Indeed, Susan Folstein of Tufts University School of Medicine in Boston reports that about one in ten autistics show Blaschko’s lines. The inference is that there is an antagonistic mingling of chimeric brain cells that have trouble communicating with each other.)

Beyond all of this, surgeons and researchers can and do intentionally create interspecific chimeras, where they combine tissues from different animal species. Considering that about five hundred prospective transplant patients die in the U.S. every month waiting for human donors, this can obviously be a very good thing. Pig and cow heart valve transplants are already quite common.

Here are two links at least tangentially related to chimeras. This one deals with a rather eerie, way-out aspect in a book by Bill Chalker; while this one explores purported interspecific hybrids involving domestic cats.

This article comes from the Curious Thing of the Week section of my site Sui Generis at http://www.CuriousNotions.com where you’ll find only the world’s rarest, best, oddest and most legendary. If you crave the exotic and march to your own drummer, please stop by!

On Connectedness

Writen by Carolina Fernandez

Saturday night brought us our Symphony Orchestra concert with harmonica virtuoso, Robert Bonfiglio. He not only performed a harmonica concerto; he delighted us with five or six encores. (I lost track after the fourth.) Excuse my ignorance; I had no idea harmonica virtuosos even existednor did I have any clue that concertos were written for this lovely little instrument. (The harmonica is an instrument?!?) The guy was incredible. I’ve never seennor heardanything like it. Pleasecheck out www.robertbonfiglio.com to become enlightened yourself.

I got home around midnight last night, only to wake up and head back to the auditorium this morning to rehearse with one of our local dance troupes, our full symphony orchestra, narrator, lighting crew, and director for our annual Family Concert, the working committee for which I chaired. We interpreted the award-winning 1963 children’s classic Where the Wild Things Are, by Maurice Sendak, by setting it to classical music and to classical ballet. Starting with The Creaky Door Overture, a little-known work by Kozinski, to an excerpt from Rimsky-Korsakov’s “Scheherazade,” to Mussorgsky’s “Night on Bald Mountain,” the dancers performed to Stravinsky’s “Firebird Suite,” one of my personal favorites (with a climax that leaves me choked up each and every time I listen to it.) Actor Keir Dullea, best known for his performance in “2001: A Space Odyssey,” narrated the prose as set forth in the book by Mr. Sendak.

This is not meant in any way to showcase our local, fully professional symphony orchestra, nor the dance company which performed so brilliantly today. Rather, it is used to illustrate a lesson that hit me like a ton of bricks this weekend. I had learned this lessonalbeit less intenselyyears ago when my daughter performed in ballets with her troupe. But too many years had passed and the lesson had been forgotten. I learned this lesson more palpably today by witnessing it firsthand. I observed the level of commitment requiredand cheerfully givenby many different people of many, varied talentsin order to achieve a highly desired result for a common cause, for the welfare of many.

The conductor needed prepared musicians; the musicians needed the conductor. The choreographer needed attentive, energetic dancersand they needed her direction. The set designer needed the choreographer’s vision, and we all needed his set! The make-up artist needed the dancers who needed the make-up artist. The stage crew needed the lighting contractor, who relied on the stage crew, choreographer, director, and conductor for direction. We all needed concert-goersand they needed this concert. This interdependence, lovingly given and enthusiastically accepted, mingled with emotionally charged music to produce a concert of significant aesthetic fuel. It will doubtless keep my tank filled for weeks.

So it is with all relationships. Husband needs wife and wife needs husband. Children need parents and parents need children. And political leaders need the electorate as the electorate needs leadership.

This is not an earth-shattering concept. But keep in mind, as you go through these next fifteen days before our Presidential election, of the interdependence of our citizens. Of how your vote will impact your neighbor, your brother, your employer, and your kids. Study the interdependence of the issues, how they fall like dominoes once stacked upon each other. And how we are, each and every one of us, in this life struggle together, like tiny separate dotsjust waiting to be connected.

Carolina Fernandez earned an M.B.A. and worked at IBM and as a stockbroker at Merrill Lynch before coming home to work as a wife and mother of four. She totally re-invented herself along the way. Strong convictions were born about the role of the arts in child development; ten years of homeschooling and raising four kids provide fertile soil for devising creative parenting strategies. These are played out in ROCKET MOM! 7 Strategies To Blast You Into Brilliance. It is widely available online, in bookstores or through 888-476-2493. She writes extensively for a variety of parenting resources and teaches other moms via seminars, workshops, keynotes and monthly meetings of the ROCKET MOM SOCIETY, a sisterhood group she launched to “encourage, equip and empower moms for excellence.” Please visit http://www.rocketmom.com.

Dice Lore: The Meaning of the Color of Your Dice

Writen by Brigid Skelton

Back in Ancient Times… er…, around the mid 1970’s, there wasn’t really any choice about what color your RPG dice were. The dice that came with the original D&D boxed sets were a done deal. You got a white D20 (0-9 twice), no D10 at all (use the d20, of course!), a blue D12, A green D8, a red d6, and a yellow D4.* No choice. But that’s not the way is is now.

I find myself thinking about why gamers choose the colors of dice they do. Folks buy a lot of black dice, for instance. Sometimes gamers are just trying to get dice that are different enough from those of the other people at the table. After all, no one like to be left wondering “Is this my D8 or yours?” at the end of a long night of intrigue, treasure and fantasy bloodshed.

Often gamers are looking to collect a matched set of dice for each active character they are using: Brown dice for Smedley the Dwarf, and white ones for Anastasia the High Elf, for example. Maybe little biddy red ones for Tubby the Gnome too.

But beyond that, people are attracted to different colors for different reasons. Bright colors are cheerful and outgoing, dark colors are subdued, even mysterious. So I thought I’d look into the associated meanings behind certain colors, to see if I could shed light on this.

Here’s what I found out:

Red: Red is heat, passion, love (think Valentine’s Day) and war (think blood). Red is a color that jumps out at you. It actually makes things seem bigger than other colors! Definitely an extroverted color.

Orange: Orange is associated with Autumn and Halloween, but also is a symbol of courage (think tigers).

Yellow: It western culture, yellow means caution (yield signs, caution tape), but also cowardliness. It’s the brightest of the primary colors (red yellow and blue), and we think of the sun as being yellow. Yellow’s kind of a split personality color really.

Green: Ah green fields, green trees, lush grass and moss… can you tell I like green? Green light means “Go” in western culture. Pale green is a calming color, and it rests the eyes… why do you think all those hospital rooms are painted pale green?

Blue: Blue is cool. It can be very calming too ( think blue skies, and azure seas), but it runs the risk of being a little too calm sometimes. Blue recedes, seeming smaller and further away that hot colors. Too much blue can be depressing (feeling blue?), or seem to be a symbol of corporate stodginess (blue suits).

Purple: Here’s a color associated with royalty, luxury and wealth. Purple is passion, but more of the smoldering variety. It’s not as out there as red, but warmer by far than blue.

Pink: In western culture pink is a girls’ color. That goes back to red and pink symbolizing earth and blue symbolizing sky. Pink for the Earth Goddess and Blue for the Sky God. It embodies the youthfulness of rosy cheeks. It’s sweet like strawberry ice cream and bubble-gum… far too cute for some.

Brown: Brown is earthy, like the ground we walk on, or the bark of a tree. It’s steady, predictable, stable, warm and comforting. Did I say dull? Well, not always. Brown can be beautiful like an animal’s fur, or dirty… like, um… dirt.

White: White is purity. It means potential (think of a white canvas), and innocence.

Grey: Mysterious fog, a softer version of black, a less pure version of white. Grey is indecisive and also industrial.

Black: Well that’s night, depth, mystery, blindness, strength, death and darkness…! It’s also the most popular choice. Basic black: it goes with anything.

*(See a picture of the original TSR polyhedral dice: 1st Edition Dice)

Brigid Skelton is an artist, writer (and gamer) who has helped to run Advancing Hordes Dice and Miniatures since it’s inception in 2003. Dice of every color and description from sources around the world are available at http://www.AdvancingHordes.com

The History of Body Piercings - Ancient and Fascinating Around the World

Writen by Lucy P. Roberts

Body piercings have seen a resurgence of interest in the last ten to twenty years and are becoming more and more a part of the mainstream Western culture. Take a look at any fashion or entertainment magazine and you’ll see plenty of well-known celebrities with body piercings like navel rings or a labret. You might be surprised to find out that piercing is actually an ancient form of expression that most cultures have practiced at some time or other for thousands of years.

Egyptian body piercings reflected status and love of beauty

The earliest known mummified remains of a human that was pierced is over 5,000 years old. This worthy gentleman had his ears pierced with larger-gauge plugs in his ears, so plugs may be one of the oldest forms of body modification there is! We also know that the Egyptians loved to adorn themselves elaborately, and even restricted certain types of body piercings to the royal family. In fact, only pharaoh himself could have his navel pierced. Any one else who tried to get a belly button ring could be executed. (Tell that to Britney Spears!) Almost every well-to-do Egyptian wore earrings, though, to display their wealth and accent their beauty. Elaborate enameled and gold earrings frequently portrayed items in nature such as lotus blossoms.

Body piercings are also mentioned in the Bible. In the Old Testament it’s obvious that body jewelry is considered a mark of beauty and wealth, especially for Bedouin and nomadic tribes. In many cases, body jewelry was given as a bridal gift or as part of a dowry. It is clear that piercing was a sign of status and attractiveness in Biblical times.

Romans were practical piercers

Romans were very practical people, and for them piercing almost always served a purpose. Roman centurions pierced their nipples not because they liked the way it looked, but to signify their strength and virility. It was a badge of honor that demonstrated the centurion’s dedication to the Roman Empire. As a symbol, it was important and served a specific function, unifying and bonding the army. Even Julius Caesar pierced his nipples to show his strength and his identification with his men.

Genital piercing through the head of the penis was performed on gladiators, who were almost always slaves, for two reasons. A ring through the head of the penis could be used to tie the organ back to the testicles with a length of leather. In gladiatorial combat, this prevented serious injury. With a large enough ring or bar, it also prevented the slave from having sex without the owner’s consent. Since the gladiator was “property,” a stud fee could be charged to another slave owner for the highly prized opportunity to raise the next generation of great fighter.

Making love or war, piercing makes it better

Going across the ocean at around the same time, the Aztecs, Maya and some American Indians practiced tongue piercing as part of their religious rituals. It was thought to bring them closer to their gods and was a type of ritual blood-letting. The Aztec and Maya were warrior tribes, and also practiced septum piercing in order to appear fiercer to their enemies. Nothing looks quite as frightening as an opponent sporting a huge boar tusk thrust through his nose!

This practice was also common among tribes in New Guinea and the Solomon Islands. Some of the materials commonly used were bone, tusks and feathers. Hundreds of years later, French fur trappers in Washington State discovered American Indian tribes who wore bones through their septum and called them the Nez Perce, meaning “Pierced Noses” in French. It’s interesting that civilizations separated by thousands of miles and even centuries often developed a love for the same kind of body piercings to enhance certain features, isn’t it?

In Central and South America, lip labrets were popular for purely aesthetic reasons - women with pierced lips were considered more attractive. In fact, the holes were often stretched to incredible size as progressively larger wooden plates were inserted to emphasize the lips as much as possible. (Kind of like collagen today). The Aztecs and Maya also sported lip labrets of gold and jade, many of them elaborately carved into mythical or religious figures or sporting gemstones. These were seen as highly attractive and to enhance sexuality.

As the world moved into the dark ages, interest in piercing died down somewhat and the medieval church began to condemn it as sinful. For a few hundred years, Western civilization abandoned the practice. As the Renaissance went into full swing, however, interest in piercing began to pick up again.

A new era and a new interest in body piercings

Sailors became convinced that piercing one ear would improve their long-distance site, and so the site of a sailor with a gold or brass ring became common. Word also spread that should a sailor be washed ashore after a shipwreck, the finder should keep the gold ring in exchange for providing a proper Christian burial. Sailors were both religious and superstitious, so they generally spent a lot for a large gold earring to hedge their bets.

Men became much more fashion-conscious during the Renaissance and Elizabethan eras, and almost any male member of the nobility would have at least one earring, if not more. Large pearl drops and enormous diamond studs were a great way to advertise your wealth and standing in the community. It could also designate royal favor if your earring was a gift from a member of the royal family.

Women, not wanting to be outshone by the men in all their finery, began to wear plunging necklines, with the Queen of Bavaria introducing the most outrageous, which consisted of not much at all above the waist. In order to adorn themselves, women began piercing their nipples to show off their jewelry. Soon they began wearing chains and even strands of pearls draped between the two.

Men and women both discovered that these nipple piercings were also delightful playthings in bed, adding sensitivity to the breasts and giving the men both visual and tactile stimulation. Men began getting pierced purely for pleasure as well. While not entirely mainstream, piercing of the nipples and, occasionally, the genitals, continued to hold interest for members of the upper crust of society in Europe on and off for the next few hundred years.

The next resurgence of interest was, surprisingly, during the Victorian age, which is usually seen as very repressed. Prince Albert, future husband of Queen Victoria, is said to have gotten the penis piercing that is named after him in order wear the tight-fitting trousers so popular at the time. The ring could then be attached to a hook on the inside of one pant leg, tucked safely away between the legs for a neat, trim look. Although we have no record of Victoria’s response to the piercing itself, there is ample evidence she was wildly in love with her husband and almost never left his side after their marriage!

Soon, Victorian men were getting Prince Albert’s, frenums and a variety of other piercings purely for the pleasurable sexual effects, and women were doing the same. By the 1890’s, it was almost expected that a woman would have her nipples pierced. In fact, some doctors at the time suggested it improved conditions for breastfeeding, although not all agreed. It was an interesting double standard — plenty of people were doing it, but no one was talking about it.

Modern-day body piercings

In the last hundred years or so, body piercings in the Western world have mostly been limited to the ears, a standard hold-over from the fact that both men and women wore earrings during Elizabethan times. The Puritan movement did away with men wearing earrings, however, and it didn’t really regain popularity until recently.

Nose rings found new interest when young people (they were called hippies then) from the U.S. began traveling in India extensively looking for enlightenment in the 1960’s. They noticed the nostril rings that most women had been wearing there since the sixteenth century. In India, this was a form of traditional, accepted adornment and was often linked to an earring by a chain. For rebellious teens from America, it was a great form of rebellion.

After bringing nose piercings back to the U.S., the interest in body piercings of all kinds quickly caught on during the 1980’s and 1990’s. Celebrities, sports stars and singers all began sporting a variety of piercings. Soon, high school students and even stay-at-home moms were flashing new body piercings. And the rest, as they say, is history!

This article on the “History of Body Piercings” reprinted with permission.
Copyright 2004 Evaluseek Publishing.

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About the Author:
Lori Wilkerson is a full-time freelance writer who loves her work because it gives her the opportunity to learn more about the world every day. Right now, she knows a little bit about almost everything, and a lot about body jewelry, belly button rings and tongue rings. She has two dogs who are spoiled and one teenager who is not.

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Not So Intelligent Design

Writen by Robert Crane

All right I can’t help myself. I just have to weigh in on “Intelligent Design”. It’s like looking at someone with a hump on their back. As much as I don’t want to comment, I just have to say somethingit’s the Larry David in me. When the president recently proclaimed that “intelligent design” (a.k.a., ID) should be taught in schools along side of evolution, I decided I had better learn more about what the president was suggesting. Although usually skeptical of President Bush, I really wanted to give this one a fair chanceyou never know when humps might become fashionable.

First I needed to understand what the heck ID is, after all, it clearly can’t be “Creationism” repackaged. There must be something more to it. What is the differentiator and why all the sudden hubbub? Also, if I’m about to throw centuries of evolutionary science out the window with the sea water, I better have a more definitive idea of what this new science is all about. So like any modern day investigator, I did a search on “Intelligent Design” in Google and went to the site at the top of the list, “Intelligent Design Net - Seeking objectivity in origins science”. It sounded promising.

It had an interesting home page. My attention was immediately drawn to a clever little moving image. A balance scale with “Design” on one plate and “Evolution” on the other plate is see-sawing on a table top tagged “Science”, with “religion” and “naturalism” crossed out. Oh yeah, under the word “Evolution”, ‘no design’ is written. That initially struck me as a bit unfair and unbalanced; anti-FOX you might say. So to even it out, I imagined that ‘no evolution’ was written under “Design” and decided to give the website the benefit of the doubt. It most likely was an oversight by the website owner, “Intelligent Design Network, Inc.”, a nonprofit organization that seeks objectivity in origins science. I continued on.

“Objectivity results from the use of the scientific method without philosophic or religious assumptions in seeking answers to the question: Where do we come from?”

All right, now we are getting somewhere. This is about science, scientific method. Intelligent Design is science. Good. Nothing better than old fashion science discovery; something that rewrites all the prior science, turns it on its ears. It happens in Physics all the time. Sometimes scientists even prove themselves wrong. Just ask Steven Hawking. It’s about time the science of evolution was jolted in the same way.

I read on with my ape DNA all in a bunchnever liked the thought that we are related to primitive primates anyway.

“We believe objectivity will lead not only to good origins science, but also to constitutional neutrality in this subjective, historical science that unavoidably impacts religion. We promote the scientific evidence of intelligent design because proper consideration of that evidence is necessary to achieve not only scientific objectivity but also constitutional neutrality.”

Whoa now stop right there partner!

What the hell does that mean, “this subjective, historical science…”. I thought by its nature, scientific method was the gold standard of objectivity, not subjectivity. “Subjective science” is an oxymoron, no different from being “fairly biased”, which I was beginning to believe this website to be. Evolutionary theory has stood up to the rigors of scientific method. In other words, it is science and therefore, not subjective. So what are they getting at? Could it be that Darwin cooked the books on sparrow beak size and fly wing observations in order to sustain his philosophy of naturalism? Yikes. What a big jerk he was if he did!

And what about this idea that “objectivity will lead to constitutional neutrality” What is meant by “constitutional neutrality”? I quickly found a copy of the Constitution and did a search on ‘evolution’ thinking that maybe old Ben Franklin snuck a little non-neutrality in therenot one reference, not a one. Whew it’s neutral on it. And finally, is it true that it (I guess evolution) “unavoidably impacts religion”? It took some digging but I think I know what is going on here. I think that you do too.

The trick being played here is casually stating that evolution as a science is subjective, moving it out of the realm of objectivity and into the world of subjectivity. A very wise consultant with whom I worked once told me never to wrestle a pig in the mud, they will always win; after all, it is a huge home field advantage. Essentially, by falsely setting up evolution as subjective theory, it moves it into the mud.

Evolution is a theory that has been proven over and over again in the theater of scientific method, where results are tediously measured, documented and analyzed by other, many times competing and doubting, scientists. It is not the space in which religious beliefs or philosophies fare well.

The deal is that Intelligent Design is subjective. It is a belief without scientific measurement. Its axiom is that there must be intelligent design (and therefore a superior creator; i.e., God) because a human being, for instance, is extremely complex and complexity can not rise or evolve haphazardly from less complex systems (e.g., apes). For example, you can place the parts of a watch in a jar and shake it until the cows come home and never create a working watch. It takes a watchmaker to make those parts work as a watch. Significant complexities must be intelligently createdthere is scientific evidence to believe so anyway. But where is the evidence of which they speak? Actually, all the scientific evidence seems to prove that complex systems can evolve from less complex systems; that if you keep shaking those parts way past the cows coming home, you just might get the watch.

Look, man thought forever that the Sun revolved around the Earth. We grudgingly acquiesced when science proved that belief to be wrong. All right, so we might not have been the center of the universe but we were at least the center of intelligent life, after all God planted Adam and Eve on Earth in his (never her) image.

Well, science, specifically the science of evolution and natural selection, has pretty much taken care of that matter. Needless to say, it is difficult for humans to give up this notion of being special, of being the center of God’s universe. I guess we are special all right but not in a way that makes us particularly intelligent; quite the opposite frankly. We are the only species I’m aware of that is the most capable and the most willing to knowingly eliminate itself. Well, maybe I’m being a little too dramatic when I suggest we are not superior to other species; after all, we have harnessed fire, designed the wheel and invented breast implants. But it is this fascination with being self important that stirs “Creationism” and its more highbrow cousin “Intelligent Design”. We just can’t get over this collective human ego thing.

Let’s face it; if there is a God who is responsible for the “goin’ ons” of this planet, he or she can’t be the brightest star in the galaxy so to speak. A truly superior intelligent designer would never have whipped up humans on the fly. I mean, right from the get-go with the apple and snake, and then the clothing issue, and then the need to send down some commandments because we were carrying on like idiots. And then he had to turn on the spigots for forty days and forty nights to get our attention. And, when none of that seemed to work, he eventually sent his kid to get us back on message with the whole heaven idea already, hoping beyond hope to get us to behave. And we still didn’t get it! That’s a lot of trouble and hard work for someone who had some sort of intelligent design in mind. At least I think so. It seems more like the work of someone who got a little carried away, a little too careless, couldn’t let it go after the apes, had to tinker with that whole self image thing.

That is exactly why evolution must be the real deal. I think we descended from less “intelligent” primatesan unforeseen accident. And only God knows where those early primates came from. Actually, I’m starting to think not only does God not know the answers to a lot of things but he doesn’t care any more. He’s moved on to bigger and better things, a little wiser I hope too! And nothin’ for nothin’ but I wouldn’t be shocked if God looked like a dolphin anyway.

I guess I can best sum this up by saying, if you want to have a discussion about “why” we exist, “intelligent design” is as good a set of beliefs as any. But the “whys” of something is not science, it is philosophical. If you want to know the how of something, you are talking science, where observations of the physical world are broken down and figured out in mathematical models. And when you allow the whys to drive how the hows are derived, you are in for trouble when science catches up. Such is the case of “creationism” being the why that drives this false how called “intelligent design”. It just ain’t so. So offer “intelligent design” in religion and philosophy classes, not in science.

I guess then I really have no quarrel with President Bush, as long as he has no quarrel with separating the discussions of “whys” from the experiments of “hows”. That is keep “whys” in religion and philosophy classes and “hows” in the science labs.

Unfortunately, I’m not sure he sees it that way.

This article was written by humorist Robert Crane. If you are inclined to like satire written in a disarming self-effacing style, this probably will appeal to you. Robert has a collection of similar articles, as well as short stories, funny images, poetry and even a TV script at his site: http://www.cranelegs.com

The site has been up since March 2005 and is fast approaching visitor number 10,000. It’s currently free and as wacky as ever.