follow instructions carefully
Follow Instructions Carefully
Writen by Joylita Saldanha
Whoever said, “If at first you don’t succeed, follow the instructions” must have lived in a simple world. If he (it can be logically deduced that it wasn’t a ’she’) was alive today, the sheer complexity of the ’simple’ instructions would have had him perplexed and in a state of anxiety.
Literacy is on an all time high, yet, simple tasks call for step-by-step instructions. However, I’m thankful for the instructions on the pack of hair color and my new cell phone. Where would I have been had it not been for that microscopically fine print?
It is highly frustrating, though, when by a certain law of nature the body and the mind don’t work in tandem. Like the packet of tomato ketchup waiting to be spread on a burger. There will be an indentation or a ‘TEAR HERE’ written in bold letters, or both, but what do we do? We try any of the below mentioned methods or in a state of frustration, a combination of all three:
Try tearing it open using our teeth and in the process, discover a new yoga posture.
Burst the packet so that there is a shower of ketchup on yourself as well as the person seated next to you.
Look at the packet in bewilderment; smile a toothy grin at the companion and say, “Will you please open this for me?”(Who always manages to open it right)
Consider Women’s cosmetics my night cream with its strange permutations and combinations of scientific words has me transfixed, if not confused. “Alpha Hydroxy acids in a scientific blend of blah and more blah”. Can anyone care to explain that in layman’s terms? If you are lucky, the instructions could be as simple as “Apply at night” but if Lady Luck decides to desert you, I suggest you dump the cream altogether. Deciphering the description-cum-instruction-cum-ingredient list can be daunting, to put it mildly.
Doors”Push” or “Pull”. Just two words seem to define their existence. How often have I pushed the door when it said, in big black bold letters, PULL? Too many to be remembered. The thought sequence is always present, “Joy, if it says ‘pull’pull open the door, DON’T push it.” In spite of walking through that door a hundred times, the person on the side making use of his dumb charade skills and the six year old opening the door for me, I remain incorrigible.
ATM’s have seen me fumble in spite of them being my places of constant visits (over a hundred times a year). After all the innumerable times I have paid homage to the ATM (by now I have begun to think of the ATM as a holy site), I need the prompts. Mind you, following the prompts doesn’t necessarily mean you will get it right.
Instruction dependency rules my life. It, surely, rules every other human, as well. Super humans are not taken into consideration.
Sometimes, I wish even people I come into contact with had instruction manuals. You know, they would just pop out like a fax the moment we shook hands with them or gave them a peck on the cheek. Consider:
Men: Only for simple tasks. Difficulty is beyond the limit of perception.
Women: complicates anything and everything. Extremely volatile, handle with utmost care.
Children: Human time bombs. Never know when they are ticking and where they are planning to explode. Patience radar always to be on High Alert. Relatives: Simply add to important social event. Stir. Public Embarrassment guaranteed.
Overloaded with instructions, the thin line, which separates times when we need them and times when they are redundant, is blurred. In the meantime, the butter popcorn needs to be popped but I’m yet to read the instructions
The author is a student of engineering in India. With her fingers in many a cream-cakes, she leaves her sticky marks everywhere, including the net. Especially at joylita.livejournal.com