The Life of Francisco Goya

Writen by Mike McDougall

Francisco Jos

Templars

Writen by Philip Gardiner

Whether stars of the Disney film National Treasure or pawns of modern day political and commercial propaganda, the Knights Templar have taken root as one of the world’s leading mystery groups. But what is the truth? Did they really have a great secret? Did they really hide treasure? Were they really guardians of the Holy Bloodline? Let’s take a look.

Originally supposedly a group of nine knights (debatable), taken from the ruling nobility in the region of France known as Champagne who collected themselves together in Jerusalem around 1118 AD and formed the now infamous Knights Templar. All of this cannot be totally proven from the texts - however it is repeated so often that it becomes true. In all likelihood they had been formed in France years before.

They were pledged, it is said, to commit their lives and work to a strict code of rules and on the face of it were simply ordained to ensure the safe passage of pilgrims to the Holy Land. The knights request this task of the first King Baldwin of Jerusalem, who refuses. He then dies supposedly under mysterious circumstances only to be replaced by Baldwin II who then almost immediately grants them this privilege. For the next nine (there’s that number again) years the knights excavate beneath the Temple of Solomon (which didn’t ever exist) in complete secrecy and the Grand Master returns to Europe, supposedly with secrets that have been hidden for hundreds of years. Very quickly the knights achieve a special dispensation from the Pope to allow them to charge interest on loans - indicating their swift path to wealth. Soon the great Cathedral building period arrives across Europe with the new found architectural “secrets” discovered by the crusaders. This new found knowledge may very well have come from some of the discoveries made by the Templars, especially when we consider that the man responsible for energizing the building program was none other than St. Bernard - the same Bernard who gave the Order of the Knights Templar their rules and who was related by blood to various members. The same St. Bernard indicated in the propaganda of the Arthurian and Grail literature.

The Templars grew in wealth and power. Their land holding and banking system made them one of the most powerful and feared groups in Europe. Virtually nobody could match their international strength. According to George F. Tull in Traces of the Templars they were also “well placed to obtain relics” as they held the respect of nobility and had many strategically placed premises across the Holy Land.

Near Loughton-on-Sea in England there are several Templar connected sites. The Temple here was “well provided with liturgical books, plate and vessels of silver, silver gilt, ivory and crystal, vestments, frontals and altar cloths. Among the relics kept there were two crosses containing fragments of the True Cross and a relic of the Holy Blood” whatever that might have been - it was not a bloodline. Tull also tells us of how some of these relics entered Britain, “Sometimes the ships returned with more specialized cargo, as when in 1247 Br. William de Sonnac, Master of the Temple in Jerusalem, sent a distinguished Knight Templar to bring to England and present to King Henry III ‘a portion of the Blood of our Lord, which He shed on the Cross for the salvation of the world, enclosed in a handsome crystalline vessel.’ The relic was authenticated under seal by the Patriarch of Jerusalem, the bishops, abbots and nobles of the Holy Land.” In Surrey the Templars held land known then as Temple Elfold with 192 acres of arable land. Here again in 1308 there was mention of a grail and a chalice. It is therefore obvious that part of the wealth of the Templars came from the propaganda tools of the medieval reliquary business, proving their astute business acumen and their ability to root out those tools. They were also incidental in spreading the cult of St. George, especially when we consider that they knew of his shrine in Lydda.

But in the early fourteenth century King Philip of France organized their downfall and the supposed secrets and wealth of the Templars disappears.

At their trials the Templars were not only accused of worshipping the sacred head, but also the veneration of the serpent. As Andrew Sinclair points out in The Secret Scroll, another Templar emblem was the foliated staff of Moses, the very same staff, which turned into a serpent and was itself emblematic of the serpent religious cult and healing.

The Rosslyn Missal, written by Irish monks in the twelfth century shows in itself Templar crosses with great dragons and sun discs. Upon the Secret Scroll itself is the symbol of the twelve tribes of Israel, the breastplate of Aaron (who’s serpent staff is said to be in the Ark) with twelve squares signifying the twelve tribes surmounted by a serpent. The serpent, ruling the tribes, “. . . the Serpent as a symbol obtained a prominent place in all the ancient initiations and religions. Among the Egyptians, it was s symbol of Divine Wisdom.” (The Secret Scroll, Andrew Sinclair, which of course has been dated by scholars to the 16th or even 18th century.) Many people believe that quite a few of the Templars and their secrets escaped to Scotland and the dawning of a new age of Freemasonry emerged in later years - thought to be directly from the Templars.

In the year 1314 King Edward of England invades Scotland, hoping to bring an end to the border battles. Meeting the Scottish army at Bannock Burn he is surprised by a force of well-trained men fighting for the Scots. The tide is turned and Scotland achieves independence, even if only for three years. The standard history has it that these well-trained men that turned the tide against the well-trained English army were nothing more than camp followers and servants. Many though, now believe that these were the famous knights Templar, who had taken root in Scotland and hidden away from Catholic tyranny. Strangely immediately after the battle Robert the Bruce, the new Scottish King, rewards the Sinclair family with lands near Edinburgh and Pentland. The very same lands associated with hundreds of Templar graves, sites, symbols and much more, such as Balantrodoch (Temple.)

An indication of the popular liking for the Templars is shown in the Peasant’s Revolt of Wylam Tyler in 1381 AD when a mob marched in protest of the oppressive taxes placed upon them. Strangely they did not harm the old Templar buildings, but instead turned their attentions on those of the Catholic Church. In one instance they actually carried things out of a Templar church in London to burn the items in the street, rather than damage the building. It may be that this uprising was a natural incident, or it may be that it was inspired by the actions of a hidden and now secret society of the Templars - hidden because of the new Catholic hatred towards them. If it is the case that the Templars did indeed inspire this revolt then, even though they were not successful, they tried again a hundred years later and forced the Reformation. It was around this period (15th Century) that the first records of Scottish and York Masonic meetings appear.

However lets take a rather sideways look at the history and symbolism of the Templars.

There are some strange links between Sumerian iconography and Templar symbolism, which need to be voiced. The most obvious Templar image is that if the two poor knights seated upon a horse, which is very similar to the idea and concept of two riders seen in ancient Sumeria. This was purely a tactical device in warfare - although there may be some truth in believing that it has origin in the “balance” hypothesis of the “twins.” The Templar cross is equally seen in many Sumerian images normally associated with an upturned crescent moon. The Fleur de Lys is also a common image as well as bees, which were common also to the Merovingians. The pentagram is also seen in the images of both and symbolized the essence of the Merovingians as the ‘Shining Ones.’

Another symbol seen in various forms from Sumeria to France is the Abraxus - a figure with snakes for legs - a symbol used for gods such as Oannes and not surprisingly this later became the symbol of the Grand Master of the Templar Order. What could this mean? That the head of the Order of the Templars saw himself as the chief of the serpents? In conjunction with the fact that the Templars also used the serpent symbol of eternity and immortality - the snake eating its own tail - then we have a serpent secret being held by the very highest of Christian guardians.

The Cross of Lorraine, a symbol used by the Templars before their usual “Maltese” style cross is seen in Sumeria as a symbol for kingship. These influences must have been picked up whilst the Templars were in the Middle East and then utilized later on. We know that they used the sign, as in the trials in the early 1300’s had the prisoners etching the symbol into the cell walls. What other ancient secrets did they collect?

The Cross of Lorraine was the emblem of heraldry for Rene D’Anjou, said by Charles Peguy to represent the arms of both Christ and Satan and the blood of both (from an article by Boyd Rice entitled The Cross of Lorraine: Emblem of the Royal Secret). It is also said to incorporate the symbol phi or the Golden Ration of Sacred Geometry - so very important to the Masons. Rene d’Anjou was keenly aware and interested in many things occult. He led a search for new (old) hermetic texts. The Cross of Lorraine was therefore taken on by Rene, and subsequently by Marie de Guise the wife of James Stuart V (parents of Mary Queen of Scots) for of its occult symbolism. This occult symbolism showed the cross to be representative of poison. Proof of this meaning comes also from the fact that it became an icon used by chemists (originally alchemists) on the bottles of poisonous substances. The idea of course is hidden in the duality. Why would monarchs and Templars use a sign for poison, if that poison did not have an opposite side? That of cure! Later on in the early twentieth century Aleister Crowley, the arch Magus and self proclaimed Alchemist would assign this very same symbol as the Sigil of Baphomet. The Cross of Lorraine is thought to be a sign of secrets; a sign of the Angelic Race, which came down and posited wisdom and the secrets of immortality upon the Royal Bloodline. According to Boyd Rice it is “a sigil of that Royal Secret, the doctrine of the Forgotten Ones.” And for this reason it seems peculiar that in the 1940’s Charles de Gaulle should make it the official symbol of the French Resistance.

We were playing with the standard Templar cross (Croix Patte) one day in our minds, wondering why and how it had evolved. We knew that it had eight points and all that this entailed but we wondered about what Fulcanelli had believed - that Gothic architecture was a three dimensional esoteric message. Due to the fact that the Templar mysteries emerged from many places including Arabic or Muslim influences, Judaic kabalistic beliefs and even Egyptian sacred rites, we were sure that there had to be another message enclosed within this simple shape. Basing the assumption upon the three dimensional aspect and wondering if there were any links to probably one of the greatest mysteries in the world we suddenly thought; if you cut out the cross from a piece of paper and lay it flat you have the two dimensional image. If you then take hold of the cross in the very center and lift it, you end up with a perfect pyramid - a symbol of Egyptian and Masonic wisdom and central to immortality. But, on some Templar crosses the edges are angled inwards to give the eight points. We thought that the pyramid of Giza had straight walls, until we looked deeper. The Great Pyramid at Giza holds a secret architecture - its walls bow inwards! Could it be, we wondered, that the Templar cross also had this hidden symbolism of the Great Pyramid? That it was fashioned to incorporate the three-dimensional geometry spoken of by the likes of Fulcanelli and said to have been spawned into Europe by the Templars and their brothers in the Cistercians? That these mysterious brothers in Gnosticism actually understood the meaning behind the symbolism of the pyramids - that it was symbolic in all aspects of the immortality of the serpent.

Baphomet

A mysterious object said to have been venerated by the Templars and to have been written about extensively over the past 30 years. Thought to be a skull by some.

One possible explanation for the origin of the word could strangely be found in the deserts of Yemen. The people who live here are called the Al-Mahara and they have developed many ways of combating snake poison. The special snake priests are called Raaboot men and they are said to have learned the secret by transition from father to son. Their legends state that they have immunity from snakebites.

If somebody is bitten, then a Raaboot man is called upon, who then sits by the patient along with several others who then chant in a monotone voice “Bahamoot, Bahamoot.” The poison is then vomited up or passed out of the body in the other direction. The Raaboot man then leaves. Again, here as we have pointed out before, the snake is said to have a jewel in its head, indicative of the enlightenment aspect.

Is it not possible that Bahamoot, as a chant for the curing of snakebites, could have made its way through the various cultures and found itself as a word for the ‘head serpent?’ - The same ‘head serpent’ that the Templars worshipped?

If nothing else, then the etymology of these two related items is so similar that it again shows in the language of the serpent cult, a worldwide spread.

Friday the 13th, October 1307, was a terrible day for the Knights Templars as King Philip IV’s men descended upon all of the order’s French holdings: seizing property, and arresting each of its members. Why? Simply because Philip owed them huge amounts of money and had no way of paying them back, and to add to this he had hoped that the infamous Templar treasure would be his.

With the help of his puppet, Pope Clement V, the French king tortured the knights to discover their secrets. Finally to justify his action, the knights were accused of heresy, homosexual practices, necromancy and conducting bizarre rituals such as desecrating the cross - as if to show their lack of faith in this Christian icon. This was, however a method of initiation and not a heretical act.

The most unusual and perplexing evidence they came across however, was the worship of this idol called Baphomet. This strange “thing” - although sometimes referred to as a “cat” or “goat” - was generally seen as a ’severed head.’ Peter Tompkins in The Magic of Obelisks says: “Public indignation was aroused . . . the Templar symbol of Gnostic rites based on phallic worship and the power of directed will. The androgynous figure with a goat’s beard and cloven hooves is linked to the horned god of antiquity, the goat of Mendes.”

The list of charges used by the Inquisition in 1308 reads:

“Item, that in each province they had idols, namely heads.

Item, that they adored these idols or that idol, and especially in their great chapters and assemblies.

Item, that they venerated (them)

Item, that they venerated them as God.

Item, that they venerated them as their Savior.

Item, that they said that the head could save them.

Item, that it could make riches.

Item, that it could make the trees flower.

Item, that it made the land germinate.

Item, that they surrounded or touched each head of the aforesaid idol with small cords, which they wore around themselves next to the shirt or the flesh.”

(Could this cord be like the Hindu cord, symbolic of the serpent?)

Some said it was a man’s head but others a woman’s head. Some said that it was bearded, others non-bearded. Some presumed that it was made from glass and that it had two faces. This general mixing of ideas shows where the idea of the head could have come from. That it was a man’s head or a woman’s, indicates its ‘dual nature’ - and much like the ancient Celtic heads would incline us to the opinion, that it emerged from part of the supposed ancient head cult.

The Celts, it is said, believed that the soul resided in the head. They would decapitate their enemies and keep them as talismans. Probably the best-known head in Celtic lore is that of Bran the Blessed, which was buried outside London - some say Tower Hill - facing towards France. It was put there to see off the plague and disease and to ensure that the land was fertile - the same powers that were attributed to the ‘Green Man.’ ‘Bearded’ and ‘non-bearded’ simply indicates again the dual nature, as does the idea that it was “two-faced,” like the god Janus. It was apparently called Caput 58, (Caput meaning ‘Head’) indicating that there may have been possibly hundreds of them. There are also strong links with Islam at this time; links that the Templars should probably not have made in their supposedly Christian world.

It is also said that the name Baphomet was derived from Mahomet - an Old French corruption of the name of the prophet Muhammad. Others claim that it comes from the Arabic word abufihamet, which means ‘Father of Understanding.’

In all likelihood though Baphomet comes from baphe meaning to submerge and mete meaning wisdom, the baphoment therefore being a device for the Gnostic tradition or belief of being submerged in wisdom, itself associated with the concept of the Sophia or wisdom goddess.

Dionysiac Architects

These are said by Masonic historians to be the prime originators of their guilds. A secretive group or secret society with doctrines said by Manly P. Hall (in Masonic, Hermetic, Quabbalistic & Rosicrucian Symbolical Philosophy) to be similar to the Freemasons. They are thought to have been great builders, reminiscent of the idea of the great builders who escaped India.

It was this secret society, under Hiram Abiff, that supposedly built the Temple of Solomon and erected the great brass pillars now seen as Boaz and Joachim in Masonry. They were also known as the Roman Collegia and were said to have wandered around like the Medieval Masons, building such fantastic places as the Temple of Diana at Ephesus (John Weisse, The Obelisk and Freemasonry.)

Weisse also points out that the Collegia influenced the Islamic building efforts, which were later to become a turning point in Western European architecture after the crusades and possibly via the Collegia’s influence over the Templars amongst others.

These Collegia were also thought to have been known before the Romans in Greece and were said to have worshipped Bacchus. Some even believe that Jesus, when he mentions that he will rebuild the Temple, is pointing out that he too is of the Collegia. Also, considering the Masonic fascination with the Druids, there is little wonder that William Stukely believed them to have been the builders of Stonehenge and other ancient monuments. Many Masonic writers love to associate themselves with the Druids and that they “had a high veneration for the Serpent. Their great god Hu, was typified by that reptile.” George Oliver, Signs and Symbols (Macoy Publishing New York.)

If it is true that the Dionysiac Architects and the Bacchus/Dionysius-worshipping Greek and Roman Collegia - not to mention the later Templar-Freemasonic link - were among the originators of the Freemasons, then it is highly likely that they were linked also with the serpent-worshipping Druids. They were all in fact a later showing of the worldwide serpent cult - the same as those in India, Egypt and elsewhere who all had fantastic building skills and held secrets of the true Elixir. Today we can still see a remnant of this great architectural, serpent-worshipping and secretive cult in the Masons. As George Oliver points out “The Serpent is universally esteemed a legitimate symbol of Freemasonry.”

About the Author

Philip Gardiner is the author of the best selling The Serpent Grail, The Shining Ones, and Gnosis: The Secret of Solomon’s Temple Revealed. He does talks, lectures, has his own radio show and does tours across the world via www.powerplaces.com

Philip has a degree in marketing and 9 diplomas ranging from etymology to holistic medicine. He is hosting the Philip Gardiner’s Forbidden Knowledge Conference UK (FKCUK) in July 2006.

www.philipgardiner.net
www.gardinerosborn.com

A Dog’s Guide To… Getting Your Dog to Stop Barking

Writen by Amber McNaught

I like to bark. I mean, I like to bark A LOT. So, whattya gonna do about it? Well, if you’re Amber and Terry, you’re going to do NOTHING about it. Ain’t nobody going to silence the Rubinman, you know what I’m sayin’? If you’re NOT Amber and Terry, though (i.e. you’re smart) and you want to know how to get your dog to just freakin’ shut up once in a while, here’s what you need to know

Why is your dog barking?

I’ll be honest here: I bark because I like it. And because it gets me some attention. I’m all about the attention. Now, you coulda probably guessed about the attention thing, but the fact that we actually ENJOY it? Who knew?

It’s true, though. Sometimes I just get a kick out of it. It’s like, I start barking because I’m excited, and then after a while I’m all, “hey! This totally rocks!” So I bark some more. And then some more after that. Then I finish up with a quick round of barking. Sometimes I come back for an encore. The truth is, by this time, like Justin Timberlake, I’m lovin’ it. So, how’re you gonna stop me? (Clue: you’re not. You’ll NEVER stop the Rubinman. But you know what I mean.)

Well, if you want to stop a dog that’s barking just for the hell of it, you’re gonna hafta get clever. Cleverer than Amber and Terry. Whatever you do, DON’T shout at me. You want to know what I think when you shout at me while I’m barking? I think, “Coooool! They’re totally barking with me! This SO rocks!” Ha! Amateurs!

No, what you need to do is, you need to distract me. You could play with me. You could feed me. (Actually, you should totally feed me. That’s the best thing to do. End of article.) But it’s better if you TRAIN me. Uh-huh. TRAIN ME.

Now, I know what y’all are thinking. You’re all, “But the Rubinman is cleverer than me! I’d NEVER train him!” Well, you’re right. You totally wouldn’t. But if you have a NORMAL dog, you can train it. Mebbe.

I am what’s called “clicker trained.” Clicker training is when you, like, get this CLICKY thing and get your dog to believe that if the thing clicks, something good happens. Could be a goodboy. Could be a big cuddle. (Note: the Rubinman is NOT a sissy. But a cuddle can be nice). Could be playing with your toys. Whatever it is, it’s GOOD. The clicker is power, and once ya got power over the dog, you’re the boss of it.* If you’re REALLY clever, you can teach your mutt to bark on command, and then stop barking on command too, using the clicker. That’s probably too advanced for you lot, though, so

Understand why YOUR dog is barking

So, yeah, now you know why the Rubinman barks. It’s important to know why YOUR dog barks, though. Here are some possible reasons:

Addictions Aren’t Pretty

Writen by Leigh Anne Jasheway-Bryant

We’ve all had addicts in our lives and we know it’s not pretty. Addicts can’t think clearly because their brain is so focused on whatever brings them the most pleasure, whether it’s painkillers, coffee, sex, shopping, chocolate, vanilla wafers, or oxygen. And those are just my addictions.

Recently I’ve discovered that my dog Maddy Lou is addict. Like mother like dog, I guess. Her substance of choice? Algae. That’s right, algae. And until you’ve seen an algae addict with the long stringy stuff hanging from her mouth, not even moving from her spot when you yell “Cookie,” you haven’t really seen them all.

There’s a fish pond in my backyard. Waterfalls, streambed, koi, the whole thing. I blew $3500 on this pond, but the upside is I had less money for chocolate and vanilla wafers for almost a year. Now I just need to find another place to funnel my mad money.

Where there’s a fish pond, there’s going to be algae. Don’t let the Pond People (doesn’t that sound like a great title for a really bad sci fi movie?) sell you $500 worth of chemicals and scrubbing devices that promise to keep your pond algae free. Unless you turn it it to a chlorinated swimming hole — which, by the way, will greatly disturb the fish’s addiction to living — there will be algae by the bucketful.

My husband and I both remove algae from the pond in our spare time, between fighting over how spicy to make the chili and watching how they built the pyramids on Discovery. I put the algae in a bucket and then dump the bucket in the compost pile. Hubby tosses the algae willy-nilly about the yard, despite my having asked him a thousand times NOT TO THROW THE ALGAE IN THE YARD BECAUSE MADDY LOU WILL EAT IT! I’ve even approached the conversation like you’re supposed to do with a two-year old who supposed can’t hear the word “Don’t.” I say “PUT THE ALGAE IN THE BUCKET,” but again, he hears, BLAH BLAH BLAH. I know, because he gets that same look on his face I get when he starts describing how to rebuild an engine.

So there’s algae on the lawn and a dog with an algae addiction in the house. Needless to say, she spends all day pacing back and forth between wherever I am and the back door, begging to be let out. She tries everything. The look that says “I really DO need to pee this time.” “Squirrel! I swear I saw a squirrel!” “Whoa! Was that a burglar stealing our koi?” It’s pitiful really.

She’s in detox now. I’ve cleaned all the algae I can from the back yard and I only let her out on supervised visits. I know my neighbors think I’m nuts as I follow my dog around the back yard like the Secret Service follows Dick Cheney every time he picks up a shotgun. I play a meditation videotape for her during the day to help her manage her Post Algae Stress Syndrome. I’ve even encouraged her brother to hump her to take her mind off her problems.

I’m hoping the onset of the rainy season will reduce the algae production and the likelihood of my husband leaving the warm, dry house for the backyard. But I’m not foolish enough to think breaking Maddy Lou’s addiction will be that easy. Next year, I plan to tell hubby DO NOT TOSS THE ALGAE IN THE NEIGHBOR’S YARD.

Return to Ouvea, New Caledonia

Writen by David Stanley

“Ouvea is everything you’d expect in a South Pacific island. Twenty kilometers of unbroken white sands border the lagoon on the west side of the island and extend far out from shore to give the water a turquoise hue. The wide western lagoon, protected by a string of coral islands and a barrier reef, is the only one of its kind in the Loyalties. On the ocean side are rocky cliffs, pounded by surf, but fine beaches may be found even here. At one point on this narrow atoll only 450 meters separates the two coasts. Traditional circular houses with pointed thatched roofs are still common in the villages”.

Those words appeared in the 1985 edition of my South Pacific Handbook after a visit in 1983. Just over 20 years later I returned to Ouvea to discover that little had changed in this large French colony east of Australia.

Most Ouveans still live in traditional thatched case (houses) and the beach is as dazzling as ever. On my first evening there, as I watched the red fireball set slowly across the lagoon, I felt a strong affinity with my previous visit.

Yet something terrible had happened in my absence. On May 5, 1988, 300 French elite troops stormed a cave near Gossanah in northern Ouvea to rescue 16 gendarmes captured two weeks earlier by Melanesian freedom fighters.

Nineteen Kanaks (the collective name used by the indigenous peoples of New Caledonia) died in the assault, including several who suffered extrajudicial execution at the hands of the French police after being wounded and taken prisoner. None of the hostages had been harmed.

Thus began one of the final chapters of what is now known as the evenements (events) of the 1980s. Three years earlier independence leader Eloi Machoro had been murdered in cold blood by police snipers as he stood outside a rural farmhouse near La Foa, on New Caledonia’s main island, Grand Terre.

By 1987 France had 14,000 troops stationed in its mineral-rich Melanesian colony, one for every five Kanaks. The independence movement was to be crushed one way or another.

When I tried to visit the cave at Gossanah on my recent trip, I was told that the area was taboo to allow the spirits time to rest.

Instead I was permitted to visit the grave of Djoubelly Wea in Gossanah and allowed to take pictures of his home. My host on Ouvea told me the story. Evidently, the hostages had been taken by young Kanak activists from other parts of the island, and the captive gendarmes were brought to Gossanah only because the cave was considered remote.

Residents of the area weren’t involved. Yet when the French police arrived in search of their comrades, they rounded up the people of Gossanah and assembled them on a football field in front of the village church.

There they were tortured for information, and Wea’s father was among those who died of shock. Later 33 Ouveans were sent to prison in France, Djoubelly Wea among them.

These events chastened Kanaks and French alike, and the heads of the main political parties, the Kanak leader Jean-Marie Tjibaou and the representative of the French settlers Jacques Lafleur, were called to Paris by Prime Minister Michel Rocard to negotiate and eventually sign a peace treaty known as the Matignon Accords.

A referendum on independence was promised in 1998, and massive economic aid was to be channeled into the Kanak regions. An amnesty was granted to all those arrested during the troubles, and no investigation into the Ouvea massacre or the murders of several dozen other Kanaks by French settlers or troops would be required.

Fast forward to May 1989, as the top Kanak leaders Jean-Marie Tjibaou and Yeiwene Yeiwene arrive on Ouvea for a commemorative ceremony exactly one year after the massacre.

As the leaders are being received at the chefferie (chiefly house) of Wadrilla near the center of the island, Djoubelly Wea steps forward and shoots the pair dead at point blank range. Wea was reflecting a feeling still palpable in New Caledonia that Tjibaou had sold out to the French and derailed the struggle of independence.

Tjibaou’s bodyguard killed Wea, the final shot of the evenements. Today the chefferie of Wadrilla is much the same as it was in 1989, a large thatched case surrounded by a palisade of driftwood logs.

Across the coastal highway, a large monument has been erected to the 19 Kanak martyrs of 1988. Designed with two curving white walls to resemble a cave, the monument bears the photo, name, and date of birth of each victim.

Their traditional war clubs have been placed on the back side of the monument and their remains are interred below.

No memorial to Jean-Marie Tjibaou exists on Ouvea but the French have constructed a massive cultural center to his memory in their stronghold Noumea.

In fairness, it must be said that Tjibaou only considered the Matignon Accords a temporary stop on the road to independence. His assassination froze the agreement into a sort of permanent solution which the French have used to justify continuing colonial rule ever since.

The promised 1998 referendum was never held. Instead an updated treaty called the Noumea Accord was signed. This postponed the referendum for another 15 or 20 years and promised many things the French government has yet to deliver.

For example, a key provision creating a special New Caledonian citizenship status intended to control immigration from France was declared unconstitutional by a French court in 1999.

Metros (metropolitan French) continue to flood into the territory (in violation of United nations resolutions on the norms of conduct for colonial powers in non-self-governing areas) and Europeans may soon from a clear majority of the population.

Toward the end of my stay I visited the Jean-Marie Tjibaou Cultural Center on the Tina Peninsula, 12 kilometers northeast of New Caledonia’s capital Noumea. Designed by Italian architect Renzo Piano, it was built by French contractors between 1994 and 1998 at a cost of over US$50 million. The center opened on May 4, 1998, 10th anniversary of the assassination of Jean-Marie Tjibaou.

No visitor can help but be impressed by the spectacular botanical garden interwoven with references to Kanak legends which encircles the center’s three villages.

A contemporary art gallery, temporary and permanent exhibitions of Kanak and other Pacific art, a library, an audiovisual room, indoor and outdoor theaters, and a large ceremonial area are only some of the center’s outstanding features.

Yet the Tjibaou Cultural Center presents Kanak culture as a regional folklore rather than a national tradition.

Events such as the Ouvea Massacre and the other murders of the 1980s are barely mentioned. A room in Village Three provides photos and texts on the life of Jean-Marie Tjibaou, but there’s no explanation as to why he was assassinated or the background of his assassin.

The 19th century land seizures and the muscle flexing and maneuvering that have prevented independence are carefully avoided. The highlight for me was an amazing three-meter-high bronze statue of Tjibaou himself, clad in a Roman toga, on a hill overlooking the center.

Tjibaou was the last real Kanak leader, and in a land where the spirits of the dead have an important role in the lives of the living, his soul must be suffering.

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David Stanley is the author of Moon Handbooks South Pacific http://www.southpacific.org/pacific.html which has a chapter on New Caledonia. His online guide to New Caledonia may be perused at http://www.southpacific.org/text/new_caledonia.html and his New Caledonia travel photos are on http://www.pacific-pictures.com/new_caledonia/

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Arthur Koestler

Writen by Robert Baird

ARTHUR KOESTLER:

Humanitarian, historian and scientist are just a few of the labels associated with this most excellent man of letters. Here is a quote from his book The Act of Creation.

“The oldest and most fundamental of all tricks is to disguise people in costumes and to put them on a stage with masks or paint on their faces; the audience is thereby given the impression that the events represented are happening here and now, regardless of how distant they really are in space and time. The effect of this procedure is to induce a lively bisociated condition in the minds of the audience. The spectator knows, in one compartment of his mind, that the people on the stage are actors, whose names are familiar to him; and he knows that they are “acting” for the express purpose of creating an illusion in him, the spectator. Yet in another compartment of his mind he experiences fear, hope, pity, accompanied by palpitations, arrested breathing, or tears — all induced by events which he knows to be pure make-believe. It is indeed a remarkable phenomenon that a grown-up person, knowing all the time that he faces a screen onto which shadows are projected by a machine, and knowing furthermore quite well what is going to happen at the end–for instance, that the police will arrive just in the nick of time to save the hero– should nevertheless go through agonies of suspense, and display the corresponding bodily symptoms. It is even more remarkable that this capacity for living in two universes at once, one real, one imaginary, should be accepted without wonder as a commonplace.” (3)

Author who hopes he will be regarded alongside Koestler someday.

Cranelegs Top Ten Reasons Why We Are Doomed

Writen by Robert Crane

I’ve listen to hours of Air America, News Talk, and NPR. I have watched enough CSPAN, CNN, Reality TV and Food Channel to make my eyeballs pop out of their sockets and dance contently about the coffee table top. I have conversed with many, closely listening to their thoughts, many a time drifting off to think how death could not come to me soon enough. I have explored the far reaches of the ‘Blogoshere’ and ventured into the nooks and crannies of the ‘Internets’. And I can honestly tell you, I can’t take much more. We are doomed and here are the top ten reasons why.

10. Drama!

We have become a hodgepodge of tiny, insignificant little dramatic plays. It’s as if we never left the High School cafeteria. I overheard this elderly lady standing in the grocery check-out line behind me bark at her friend, “Iraq? Who cares! I’ve got my opwn problems. My sister-in-law just called my Gucci bag ‘TJ Max cheese’.”

9. End of Days, The Rapture, Apocalypse, Armageddon, Revelations!

Call it what you will, it’s always happening now. How many different ways can the bible prophesies be interpreted to unequivocally prove this is really, Really, REALLY the end? As far as I can tell, the only thing that comes and goes more frequently than the second coming of Christ, is the time wasted by those sitting around waiting for him.

8. Kevin Trudeau and his likes!

Someone please explain to me why this guy is still allowed to roam freely upon the Earth among humans. Trudeau could sell tuxedos to the Yanonamo. How many more ’secrets they don’t want you to know about’ can he reveal (for the reduced price of $29.99) without providing any information? From memory expert, to natural cures authority, to lotion alternatives for facial cosmetic surgery, Kevin is the King of the Gullible. You know what would be the perfect penalty for him? Lock down in a Guantanamo cell with that ‘tiny ads’ guy. They’d kill each other within nineteen hours.

7. Free Credit Report, Free Ipod, Free dinner at Red Lobster, Free anything!

Occasionally for the fun of it, I peruse my Yahoo ‘bulk email’ file to see what goodies I have won or have qualified to win or have been randomly selected to receive. Of course, it’s always ‘free*’. Ah, the all powerful ‘*’; the I-can-promise-you-anything-I-want-because-I’m-going-to-disclaim-it-somewhere-obscure-on-this-two-mile-long-scrolling-page-in-a-tiny-font-that-only-ants-can-read ‘*’. Come on, we’ve all done it. We’ve all bypassed searching for the ‘*’ disclaimer and fervently clicked through a hundred idiotic offers in a gallant, if not foolhardy attempt to reach the promised land of free merchandize, only to discover the “*” explained in the most vague terms imaginable that one must buy one or more offerings before one ‘qualifies’ for the ‘free’ gift. The only people more naive than those rifling endlessly through these emails are the folks who paid a slightly smarter huckster to learn how to write these stupid ads to begin with, in the futile hope that money might be made easily and that cool tropical drinks on white sandy beaches rested a mere 1.2 million sucker clicks away.

6. Imus and Stern!

They are old men with trophy females for their frail egos who seem to have forgotten what made them popular and wealthy. And somewhere along the way, they’ve traded in wit for self-importance. Let’s see where the trophies are when the bedsores need tending to. Good riddance!

5. Emails from Nigeria!

Why me? Why am I the guy they select? Who is handing over my email address to all these poor wealthy people in Nigeria? Why do they burden me as the blessed chosen honest soul with whom they can trust their money transfers, or inheritance, or business funds? Oh well, at last count, I have gladly turned over my bank account and social security number to ninety two sad individuals, hoping to assist them in their moment of hardship and make a few bucks along the way of which I plan to give 50% to charity. I’m still waiting for the first check to arrive into my account which appears to be dwindling for some odd reason. Must be negative interest rates or something.

4. Donald Trump, Paula Abdul, Tom Cruise, Larry King!

One lost the little integrity he had, one lost her groove, one lost his marbles, and one is just plain lost. They have all lost my interest. And what is this fascination we have with the offspring of celebrities and how they are taking to parenthoodas if hiring a nursery full of around-the-clock surrogate mothers (a.k.a., nannies) is somehow analogous to what most folks experience: diapers filled with toxic waste, octave piercing crying, spit-up that burns holes through inch steel plates and eight hours of sleep a week. But for some reason, we clamor to hear Donald say he really likes feeding his baby. I guess that’s a big deal for one who knows the art of the deal.

3. News obsession with personal tragedy stories!

What is CNN’s, FOX’s, MSNBC’s, Network News’ preoccupation with personal tragedy? Some poor kid has a leg bitten off by a shark and four hundred camera crews manned with five hundred reporters descend on the victim’s neighbors, school teachers, church leaders, little league coaches and cousins twice-removed of little league coaches to get an exclusive inside story on the personal agony of the family. And if that isn’t enough, they hunt down local pet store owners to get expert testimony on shark attacks. And most of the people who soak up these tear-jerking pieces like a truck load of Bounty super absorbent paper towels are the same knuckleheads who complain that only the bad stuff is reported from Iraq. I can’t imagine why.

2. Jimmy Hoffa!

Jimmy Hoffa is dead! Jimmy Hoffa has been dead for a long time now. You know how long? He has been dead for so long that the FBI has spent taxpayer money to bring in a team of archeologists and anthropologists to investigate the most recent claim to his whereabouts. Do you know what archeologists and anthropologists do? They search for lost civilizations and missing links for Gods sake! That’s how long he has been dead! Where are the clairvoyants when you need them? Personally? I think Jimmy Hoffa got fed up, took off, had a little surgery and started a new life under a secret new persona. I think Jimmy Hoffa is Pee Wee Herman.

1. Our Government!

Republicans and Democrats alike have become useless. While the two parties continue to fiddle around, home burns. Why just the other day, amidst a southern border that looks like the night of the living undocumented workers, the Senate passed not one but two propositions to a pending Immigration Bill: 1) make English the national language, and 2) make English the common and unifying language. Whew I’m sure glad they took care of that. I think I can sleep better at night now knowing English is here to save the day.

The real casualty of our two party system’s arrogance is leadership. It has atrophied along with that other useless appendage, integrity. And that arrogance unfortunately has percolated down to the masses. We really believe that God is on our side; an arrogant twist to what Lincoln once stated so eloquently, “My concern is not whether God is on our side; my greatest concern is to be on God’s side “

Bill O’Reilly, you want to return to traditional values? Start with that one pal!

This article was written by humorist Robert Crane. Author of “Still Living in the Sixties” and “The Single Adventure of Inlin Freebosh”, Robert also writes a popular blog of casual observations and polical commentary, almost always unfair and never balanced, all of which can be freely read at his website located in the outer edges of the “internets”:

http://www.cranelegs.com

Lizard Induced Schoolgirl Screams

Writen by Abdul Nusrat

Let me just make one thing clear before I proceed. I am generally an animal loving person. If a dog comes to my house and goes number one on the fence, fine no problem. Squirrels gather near the gate and perform acts sexual in nature, no big deal. But if there is one thing you do not do…It’s lunging in the general direction of my head from above with the intention to kill.

This is exactly what a lizard attempted yesterday night. Luckily I managed to dive, in slow-mo of course, out of its path just in time. The beast was not able to get a choking grip on my delicate neck and instead just bumped against my shoulder and dropped down on the floor.

After my display of fast reflexes in the form of a cool matrix style dodge I thought it was all over, that I was safe. I thought the lizard would be too impressed, intimidated with my elite skills and would start to fear me. Boy was I wrong. This monster was no ordinary lizard. It was completely out of its mind. A true fighter!

After a rough landing on my kitchen floor the lizard ran towards me rather than away from me! Maybe this was an egotistical lizard and was not prepared to lose its pride. It ran with such a menacing look in its beady eyes and at such a pace it made me think for a millisecond that I may be dealing with something that is much stronger than me. The feeling of helplessness and panic ran through me. I started scanning the place looking for a weapon, A chair…a spoon, anything! But all I found around me was the hot and humid summer air. At this point I knew deep down all was lost. I did what all sane men do when they are up against a ruthless killer. A killer that does now know the meaning of the words “mercy”, “compassion” and “love”, I ran. I jumped up over the beast and sprinted towards the exit.

I did not dare look over my shoulders as I knew what was following me, death! I ran at full pace towards my bedroom door. Panting, shaking and screaming whilst I forced my legs to keep moving. Oh why did I not take up my dads advice and join a gym.

When you are in such a situation as I was, when you are the one being chased by a predator as cheesy as this sounds…time does seem to slow down, your senses become sharper. Now I truly know what “eternity” means because that is exactly how long I seemed to have spent before I saw the warm light of my room, the rays danced on my tired and broken body bringing with it hope, hope of survival. I dived towards the light, pushing the bedroom door behind me with full force. *BANG*

Ahh that sweet sound when wood crashes into wood. I knew I was out of harms way at last. I did next what all men do when they know they’ve narrowly escaped certain death. I fell down on my knees and thanked god and then I changed my underwear.

Abdul Nusrat is a self proclaimed genius who is taking a year out before he goes to university. He spends his free time working on his various websites a list of which you can find here: http://www.arahman.co.uk/list.html

Polite Tips of Getting Rid of a Bible Thumper

Writen by Lance Winslow

Have you ever had someone come to your door and want to share their religion to you; sounds really nice doesn’t it? Indeed, they love their religion and their rendition of their God so much that they are willing to share their psychotic state of bliss with you and your family. Isn’t that just grand? Well then how do you get rid of them?

Should you be polite? No, actually if you really want to get rid of them you need to show a little hostility. That is so unfortunate, as normally you would never treat anyone that way. But if you want to get rid of them you must be forceful or they just keep coming back again and again. But you must be semi-polite and say;

“I really wish you folks would stop harassing me, I have my own relationship with Jesus Christ and I am very happy and so could you please leave me alone?”

Next, point to your neighbors who you like and tell them you have;

“Discussed this harassment with the Smith’s, the Jones’ and they also feel as I do.”

And if you have neighbors you cannot stand tell the Bible Thumper pushy SOBs that;

“Over there at that house the husband is an alcoholic and they are atheists and really need to find God and if you could help them get thru their problems you would certainly be doing God’s work. I would really appreciate it if you could help them thru their family and life crisis, thank you so much in advance and please do not give up on them, we must help them, God would want us too!”

This type of method has always worked for me to get rid of these bible thumpers. If you tell them you do not believe in a God or Gods or that you are an atheist or like religions which do sacrifices or are a devil worshiper, you might think this will work, but some of these nut cases will believe you and make you their personal challenge and you will never get rid of them. Consider this in 2006.

Lance Winslow

Cartoon Penguins

Writen by Peter Emerson

Penguins - who wouldn’t be able to recognize their distinctive black and white, tux-like plumage, their peculiar upright stance, and often humorous waddling gait? Penguins have captivated the interest of many people all over the world. They are simply one of the most familiar birds, even though most people have had no opportunity to observe the penguin while in its native habitat. The penguin has also found its way into our popular culture notably in film, comics, and cartoons.

Penguins are usually depicted as cute and comical characters in cartoons and comics. The unique black-and-white plumage is likened to a tuxedo, which is why many people joke that the penguin is “well-dressed.” However, some fictional penguins are also sometimes depicted as grumpy or even sinister. For instance, Badtz Maru, a cartoon from Sanrio, is presented as a cute, but bad-tempered penguin. In the 1960s, the title character of Tennessee and His Tales was a penguin that frequently escaped from the zoo with his walrus friend and often found trouble in the outside world.

Perhaps the most famous non-bird penguin of all was the Penguin, a villain introduced in DC Comic’s Batman. Many cartoons and comics also poke fun at the penguin’s physical characteristics and its inability to fly. Humorous comics sometimes depict penguins in various amusing situations. Other representations of penguins in popular culture include the Linux mascot, Tux, several penguin characters in video games, and cartoons.

In these cartoons, the distinct physical characteristics of the penguin are usually emphasized, often with humorous results. Some cartoons feature interactions between penguins and polar bears, which is a misconception since the two animals are found on opposite hemispheres: penguins are found in the southern hemisphere while polar bears are native to the northern hemisphere. All over the world, penguins continue to fascinate people with their distinct traits and behavior.